...to think that a psychotherapist should not say...

[echobutnobunnymen]

'Perhaps there is something in you that can't take help'....when I have waited over a year for an appointment with her.. well an appointment with anyone actually...in the desperate hope that I will be helped to stop having suicidal thoughts.

'Well we all have personality disorders'....when I say that I am not sure about group therapy with people with personality disorders, as a lifetime of people with PDs are the reason I am in this mess in the first place.

'Well the best thing to think is 'water off a duck's back' ' ......about my abusive family and husband.

'Well what do you expect? You are going through a divorce and you have three teenagers?'...

'We all have to look within ourselves to see what part we play in our personalities...'

'Labels aren't helpful'

There's more ...but my question is...

Is it usual for a psychotherapist to blame a victim? As that is how I feel after having a half-hour session with this woman today.

What do psychotherapists actually do?

All advice gratefully received and if I am being unreasonable in expecting actual help to improve my mental state then I am happy to be told so.

And does three days a week intensive basket weaving cure anything?

Thanks

oops sorry just seen your last message!

One thing I wanted to add (though I know it will be several days before you can read it). Look back to what you wrote in response to my post, and focus on the last sentence:

'Actually, she made me feel exactly the same as my abusers have made me feel. I have only just realised that. '

That is a huge realisation, and you probably only got to that place by being made to feel a bit uncomfortable. Talk to her about that next time you see her, and perhaps she can guide you toward something useful.

IME, alot of analysis is thinking about what you project on to the therapist. Try to figure out why she provoked that response in you, and/or why you projected that onto her.

One last analogy (my friends all at my analogies, but perhaps will be useful)...when a child is learning to swim, they may struggle for quite a while in the water. They may splutter and choke a bit, swallow some water and flounder around. They may not enjoy it very much, and may not want to do it. But with enough repetition, instruction, and practise they'll gradually learn a bit. And with more practise, they learn more until they can eventually do it. Does the splutter and floundering phase mean they've got a bad teacher? Maybe. Or maybe it just takes practising and learning until finally something starts to 'stick'.

Stick at this for a while before you make a decision. See how it goes.

Have fun on your holiday, and let us hear from you when you are back.

Okay folks...I have done alot of thinking about this. I have now received a new appointment in the post for late September, with this original woman and another woman. They are calling it a second assessment.

I intend to go to this, but I would like some help from all you lovely ladies (and gents) about what I should be asking.

My big problem is knowing what it is I am 'allowed' to do in most situations. I have had PD people all my life and so have no idea what 'normal' is. I know this about myself, and am trying my best to create boundaries for myself.

I still do not understand why group therapy with people with PDs would benefit me. I wonder if it is because this is the cheapest way of dealing with mental health issues, and in my area everyone gets lumped in together.

Help!