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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think alot of women are having terminations at the moment...

81 replies

sonotatroll · 20/07/2009 13:57

I understand if it is for a medical need.

I know this will kick off but have people not heard of contaception, it makes me so that people have to make these decisions.

OP posts:

notevenamousie · 20/07/2009 15:19

Failure rates - 1-2% for the pill, 1% for sterilisation (2% at caesarean section), 0.5% Depo Provera, 0.2% Mirena.

OP - isn't it a good job we're all different?

mosschops30 · 20/07/2009 15:19

it makes me that you have such a narrow minded view of the world and people in it OP.
What a sad life you will have if you think its all roses round the door and pg women skipping along with a pushchair whilst looking like a stepford wife

LaurieFairyCake · 20/07/2009 15:21

Well I terminated twice because my ex-husband didn't want children - we weren't careless we just happened to have 2 contraceptive failures in about 1000 shags. I wouldn't have a baby with someone who did not want one. This is a very low percentage of contraceptive failure by the way.

And then I had two miscarriages with current dh.

And now we've not been preventing getting pregnant for 80 cycles.

Would the OP like to judge that this is clearly my fault?

(luckily I wasn't bothered about having babies)

Original poster

sonotatroll · 20/07/2009 15:21

I never said i think abortions are a form of contaception just i think poeple should me more carefull if they dont want to get pregnant.

OP posts:

jeminthepark · 20/07/2009 15:22

I think at this point, you should perhaps concur that most people DO think you are being unreasonable, for all the reasons they have outlined....and I agree, it seems a shame that you have such a narrow mind, or life, or both.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/07/2009 15:23

Thank-you for your concern but I was extremely careful. On the pill and in a monogomous relationship for ten years. It still failed.

Perhaps someone will be along to explain percentages to you.

LuluMaman · 20/07/2009 15:30

the only way to avoid the risk of a contraception failure or unplanned pregnancy is abstaining

it is not just about not being careful

as someone has posted a few posts ago, there is a failure rate with all contraception

even sterilisation

lou031205 · 20/07/2009 15:30

I agree with littleducks.

If there is a thread asking for opinions, fine. But starting a thread like this is unnecessary & hurtful.

scottishmummy · 20/07/2009 15:33

jesus wept a beaky wee crone heckling people about abortion.

yes just what was needed

how do you know?do you keep a TOP counter
are you privvy to clinical information
do you know individual circumstances

i prefer to think people make difficult and emotive decisions and know their own bodies and leave them to it.

they do understand their own decisions after all

and you dont

Asana · 20/07/2009 15:35

I'm definitely pro-choice but I can somehow see where OP is coming from. Of all my friends who have had abortions (13 as far as I know), they all initially claimed that the condom broke/they were on the pill. When pushed, ALL of them admitted that they had either not used a condom and/or had not taken their pill properly. Given that such carelessness leads to life-changing circumstances, I would have thought that such educated young girls/women would be more careful. It's pretty much led me to believe (rightly or wrongly) that a lot of people lie about contraception failing because to admit that they were careless about and/or did not even use contraception is a bit too shameful, given how much info is out there. Despite that, I always gave them the support they needed when they decided to have abortions because it is never a nice thing to go through.

poshsinglemum · 20/07/2009 15:37

My cousin got pregnant on the pill. I got pregnant on the morning after pill so no ''contraception'' is fool proof.

beanieb · 20/07/2009 15:39

"I know this will kick off but have people not heard of contraception"

you're an idiot.

as someone who had a double contraceptive failure (condoms and morning after pill) it really pisses me off when people assume that terminations are being used by everyone as a form of contraception.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 20/07/2009 15:42

fuck off

poshsinglemum · 20/07/2009 15:42

I was careless, very careless but I am very glad that I was NOW. Not all women would be glad. I don't think that we should judge women for being careless either. Passion takes over you know.
And what about the men involved? Surely they are all able to stick a rubber on their cocks? Why aren't the men insisting on it? ''If you won't let me put one on then no shag'' is all they need to say but as usual all the women get blamed.

scottishmummy · 20/07/2009 15:45

thing is we can all come up with chip shop anecdotes

i know someone,who knew someone,who said/did...

doesnt actually prove anything.and thing is TOP is so emotive that sometimes it can descend into subjective high expressed emotion

actually as demonstrated by OP

shinyshoes · 20/07/2009 15:46

"alot of women are having terminations"

I don't know any

posieparkerinChina · 20/07/2009 15:49

I've had two terminations and both times it was because I hadn't planned enough to prevent a pregnancy. I do agree with the OP but think that people do have 'accidents' in that 'it won't happen to me mentality'.

flockwallpaper · 20/07/2009 15:57

What an insensitive post OP. I sort of see where you are coming from.

I wish that unwanted pregnancies didn't happen, and that abortion didn't have to exist, but this is reality. I am sure most women that choose abortion don't choose it lightly, and they need support, not condemnation.

memoo · 20/07/2009 16:04

I got pregnant accidently twice!! it does happen, contraception is not 100% effective.

The first time the condom split so I git the MAP within 12 hours. I still got pregnant and now have a wonderful DS who is 8.

The second time I had the coil fitted and still got pregnant! unfortuantely the pregnancy was ectopic. The coil was still in the right place but it just didn't work

I hate the assumption that women who have unplanned pregnancies are sloppy with contraception. Sometime the contraception just doesn't work!!!

cory · 20/07/2009 18:34

if people get pregnant when they are on the pill and using condoms, how exactly do you propose that they should be more careful?

ah, yes, we hadn't thought of that one- chastity belts of course!

Bellsa · 20/07/2009 18:44

You're being delibrately being provocative, and not very sensitive. And I don't think that you have any proof to back up your blanket assertion that "a lot of women are having terminations at the moment". Don't you have better things to do with your time?

shivster1980 · 20/07/2009 19:50

To the OP,

What a great hot steaming pile of dung!

Never before has Mumsnet got me this worked up.

I am appalled, the insensitivity, the rudeness, the sh*te!!

canttouchthis · 20/07/2009 20:03

what a tactless thread to start...

differentnameforthis · 20/07/2009 23:47

cory, maybe they need 2 condoms!

LovelyRitaMeterMaid · 21/07/2009 00:01

I have a coil. So my chances of getting pregnant are very small. But it could happen. If it did I am really not sure what I would do. But I do not feel that if I were to have an abortion it would be because I "hadn't heard of contraception".

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