spanking a child in public

[sliverchick]

AIBU to want to intervene after seeing a mother slapping her toddler in a supermarket

YANBU - it's absolutely horrible to watch.

No, its horrible to see someone hit a child BUT its a snapshot. She could be a wonderful mum with a fantastic relationship with her child. Most parents lose it at some point.

There is no excuse but it does happen.

Often I have got really annoyed with DC and after though 'what must I have looked like? ' But the majority of the time I get on fantastic with my little darlings.

Lets hope it was a one off today.

depends...slapping as in slapping or tapping as in tapping a screaming paddying toddler? i personally used to walk away and didnt resort to smacking
i once saw a mother smack her toddler son across the face and i DID intervene very much.
i think youve got to weigh up the circumstances with this one.

YANBU. Did you do anything? What could you do?

I watched 'holiday swap' today and saw a woman slap her 8 year old dd on the legs twice. It made me feel a bit sick tbh. And I grew up in a house where a smack was common.

YABU it's shit but it's not your business.

I had a shit day with mine. Totall tanturm but just forced him into his seat but no slap. If anyone had come to me I'd have been wel anoyed.

today i went grocery shopping with dh & dc's as i turned into an aisle i saw a mother actually slap her toddler ds across the face he was sitting in the front part of the trolley & my dh had to hold me back as i was so annoyed , should i have said something or just mind my own business ?

Would you have wanted to intervene if she had done something different, for example, call the toddler a effing little bleep whilst bent down shouting in their face? Or is it the slapping?

I think a slap is horrible but if its worse then yes you shouod inzervene.

hopimg4thebest , i have dc's myself & can not imagine anything they do to warrant a slap across the face , & it was the pure violence of it that disgusted me so much

We would all like to intervene when we see something we don't agree with. Unfortunately its not always possible-or my my case safe. I followed a young man in his early 20's the other day literally dragging a small screaming girl along the main shopping precinct. Nobody seemed really bothered but I followed them to the car park where he dumped her very unceremoniously into her car seat 'until her f***g mum' turned up .

some people don't deserve to have children ,
yes kids can act up in public , tantrums etc but smacking so hard & dragging kids is too extreme & if parents can treat their dc's like that in public makes you wonder what do they do behind closed doors

I have gone up to someone and said if she hit her child again (about 2 years old), I would take her head off!!

Not my proudest moment, but she was hitting him with a stick!!!!!

I also followed her and took her number plate, reported her to the police and social services.

I never had any feedback but I would do it again.

tootiredtothink , OMG a stick ? at least you did your best ,

I know! It was horrendous.

That will stay with me til the day I die! Every now and then I wonder what happened to the poor mite and hope my complaint was taken seriously.

I also followed it up with a complaint to the shopping centre (Merry Hill) and asked if they could check any security cameras.

Slapping his face -I would definitely have intervened.I am pretty sure striking a child on the head is legal.Smack to the bottom/ legs /arms or hands i would not because although I wouldn't like it ,is her way of parenting and is within the law .Same withn shouting or swearing.

i don't think I would describe slapping across the face as a spanking though silverchick.

It doesn't make it any better whether you call it a smack or a slap.

face slapping is just not on these day

i have had seriously bad days with mine and totally lost it once. i shouted at them really quite nastily.

i was mortified once i'd done it and really wouldn't have needed someone coming up to me and telling me off for it.

but that said i really hate seeing mothers smacking toddlers.
i have no real opinion on the smacking debate but i don't see what a toddler can be doing that is so bad it needs a physical reaction

Tbh i don't mean to open a can of worms but i disagree with slapping, smacking or verbal abuse of any kind to a child be it in public or private.

It's something i've just never ever got and pro-smacking mums have never been able to come up with a reason to change my mind.

Most mums say it's when they've got really angry etc. However, i tell my children that hitting is not acceptable at any time angry or not. Surely if i lost control and smacjed them i would be contradicting that point.

So YANBU at all...

Fair ebough Barnsleybelle and I would agree with you , but the debate is whether you should intervene or not ?

It is so agonizing to see this going on in shops and supermarkets. I can hardly bear to see a small child being struck or crying and have intervened on occasions.
To the mum's of the crying babies all I want to say is "Comfort your baby, it is crying for a reason" FFS Pick the baby up and gently comfort him/her.

As for hitting a child, it is soooo distressing, so wrong and there is no excuse for it. I can't help thinking " if she is doing this in public, God knows what is going on inside closed doors.

I dont condone smacking at all. I have smacked but felt bad and know that it was wrong and I shouldnt have done it. Its not something I use as a punishment. I have done it when I have lost it and I was wrong to do so. It hasnt happend often in the 17 years I have been a mum and it tended to happen when I was very stressed and/or tired. Not an excuse but being honest.

I dont know how I would react if someone had approched me though. It would depend on how they did it. Presuming I did it all the time would definately get my back up and make me likely to respond in a negative way. Asking me if I was ok or showing empathy would be different and may elicit mortification on my part.

I know what you are saying gero but I dont think that those who seriously abuse their children would be more likely to smack a child in public than a parent who has momentarily lost it. Abuse tends to flourish in private doesnt it? Good parents who are at their wits end wouldnt be thinking about where they were when they hit their child.

But its wrong anyhow.

gero do you have kids. Your attitude is very very sweet but if you went up to the mother of a colicky baby or hysterical tantrumming two year old and told her her baby just needed gently cudlling and had a reason for being upset I suspect you may be in danger of receiving a telling off yourself. Sometimes you CANT comfort a crying baby, and sometimes children cry for reasons that shouldnt be given masses of attention - to try and get their own way for instance. I dont like smacking either but I tell you what if when I had my child who screamed with colic for 2 hours every day regardless of what i did, or for three days solid when teething, someone had come up to me to tell me off for it I think I couldnt have been held responsible for my actions. Parenthood is never easy and judgement from other people in fraught situations can only make it worse.

Agree with all that Pretty. To the OP, no YANBU to WANT to intervene - it's horrible to see, and frankly it's easy to be calm and collected when the child isn't yours, but to intervene is BU.

I think I'm probably typical of many parents who believe smacking isn't logical or reasonable, but I've still done it anyway because there are times when you're at the abolute end of your tether, sleep deprived and frankly sometimes kids are just frankly vile.

Ooops @ too many franklys.

I don't think it makes me a bad parent, i think it makes me normal. And actually, I can think of a couple of times when a smack has worked.