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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent the fact that other people have decided to crash our family holiday

13 replies

Fairynufff · 17/07/2009 16:52

We are only going away for a week in a caravan paid for by my parents. It's not much but we are soooo looking forward to the break and DH has a really stressful job and needs the break. His sister has decided to book a hotel near where we are staying and join us for a couple of days because 'it will be nice' for her son. He's a toddler and my kids tend to play with him and keep him amused.

I'm not really happy about it because the holiday was booked for us to get away and not to amuse someone else's toddler. DH is furious too.

Am I being anti-social or do I have a reasonable case to tell her not to come? If so, how can we let her down without damaging family relations?

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 17/07/2009 16:55

YANBU

you need to get away from it all, and having somoene else's toddler around for 2 of the 7 days you are away impinges on that

have you talked to her, has DH?

Original poster
Fairynufff · 17/07/2009 16:58

DH said he'd think of something to put her off but I'd rather be truthful. Trouble is people react badly to the truth sometimes and I don't want it to cause family upset.

OP posts:
MrsMcCluskey · 17/07/2009 17:00

YANBU esp if she booked it withoout even asking if it was OK first
I would say that DH has had a stressful time adn you want some time alone as a family to catch up.
You or DH will have to say something.

EightiesChick · 17/07/2009 17:48

YANBU but as oou said above, the truth can be badly received. If your DH can think of a good get-out I'd be inclined to let him use it.

Lulubee · 17/07/2009 17:52

YANBU but I'd be very very careful about telling her to get lost - that sort of thing can cause family feuds and huge upset. How about you ask if she can babysit for your kids a couple of times so you two can spend some time together?? Seems only fair.

GentleOtter · 17/07/2009 17:52

Could you suggest that you have all recently felt a little under the weather/ ailing and you don't want to pass anything on ?

Truthfully, it sounds like the sister fancies a few hours toddler free and it is not up to your children to amuse him.

MrsMcCluskey · 17/07/2009 18:08

tell her you've booked some excursions on the days she is going?
Give her a fake address for your hotel??

Original poster
Fairynufff · 17/07/2009 18:13

GentleOtter - (love your name) that's exactly what it is. When our kids were tiny they were treated like a crumb-dropping, finger-mark-leaving nuisance... and now she's had one of her own - the whole world has to revolve around him. It's not as bad as it could be - the kid is actually really nice and my children adore him but that's not the point. It's our one week away in a year and our only chance to get away from it all.

Asking her to babysit is a great idea but not in this case. Her DH is useless and she struggles to look after her own. Feigning illness might work if she were sensitive to the situation but I fear she isn't...

OP posts:
saintdobby · 17/07/2009 18:16

no I'd be honest

has she booked it yet?

you can be nice, say, 'we really want time all together with just us, we know that if dn is there our dcs will want to play with him all the time because they really love him. we really need some family time, and to really see our children. Can we have him over / to stay when we get back?'

Yanbu at all, but you need to be clear and honest with her

allaboutme · 17/07/2009 18:18

could you be very vague about your plans while away and say things like 'yes it would be lovely to meet up if we have time' or 'if we dont catch you on holiday we'll see you soon anyway', mention that you have plans to do various things, which will of course be unsuiable for toddlers etc
then when you are away either switch off your phones or speak to her and say 'oh we're busy today and tomorrow, i'll give you a call later in the week' and then call and say sorry you wont be able to meet up after all?

Original poster
Fairynufff · 17/07/2009 18:22

Thanks - I'm glad it's not just me that thinks this is a little bit off. I'll gently give these suggestions to DH and hope he can be straight with her. Easier said than done...

OP posts:
Bumperslucious · 17/07/2009 18:32

If it is too late to put her off I would do one day with her then turn your phones of ('sorry no signal').

GentleOtter · 17/07/2009 18:50

I think you would spend your holiday slightly on edge knowing that you had a 'toddler' day coming up so perhaps it would be best to suggest meeting up after you have had your family holiday eg at a park or zoo or something toddler friendly. You may have to be quite firm.

There is nothing worse than having to bite your tongue or worse if it goes a bit pear-shaped.

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