to be fed up that every thread that mentions controlled crying turns aggro?

[tinierclanger]

I know we're not meant to do threads about threads but it's a recurring theme. Every time it crops up, people get nasty with each other.

Now, I have considered CC and decided not to do it for my own reasons. I think it's great that people post information and their opinion on whether its good/bad/helpful/unhelpful. And that can help people make their decisions about it, and also to adjust their expectations (which has helped me a lot).

But a lot of the time, people posting on the sleep threads are desperate. If they have tried other things and just can't cope, it's harsh to attack them and make them feel guilty. Sleep deprivation sends you crazy. I would rather a parent did CC than ended up harming themselves or their baby because they are just SO TIRED.

YANBU to be fed up with harsh attacks.

But it's one of those issues where debate is inevitable because of strong views on both sides.

With you all the way, sister. Not for us either but has worked very well for friends of mine. It's just plain crazy to assume that what is right for you and you baby is the ONLY way to do things. And so unhelpful.
Maybe we just need a controlled crying debate thread where people with strong opinions in either direction can go and rant. It would go on for EVER!

Yanbu. Its disgraceful. The breastfeeders now have the good grace not to harrass and judge the formula feeders.

But the anti cc'ers just don't appear to have any manners. I quite agree. I've seen vile bullying of desperate people in that topic.

YANBU.
I think it's quite a hard one to judge though because things like this really do depend on the baby don't they? CC worked well for me and my ds1. I cannot see it working for ds2, but luckily he is good at self settling.

I know there are many topics that people get very passionate about when debating, but I was under the impression that sites like this were for advice and support, not cyber-bashings.

What is controlled crying?

I dont thik I have ever been rude on one but I feel so strongly about it being harmful that I cant possibly juts stand by and not try to change minds

The thing is though trinity, has anybody ever changed their mind about something so personal and emotive as CC because of a well put argument on a forum?

I've been involved in quite a few forum meltdowns in my time, particularly on 'big ishoos' such as abortion, euthanasia etc.

I've learned quickly that CC and BF/FF are the abortion and euthanasia of the parenting world.

I just think that these debates only ever go one way, ie both sides becoming more and more entrenched and then the debate losing all reason and becoming a bunfight.

And nobody ever changes their mind.

I don't have a problem with people trying to change someone's mind. It's the way in which I've seen some posts worded.

I actually think I WOULD have tried it by now if it wasn't for some of the information and directions I've pointed in here, for which I'm truly grateful.

I just don't like the guilting and judging that comes across.

YANBU,

I personally don't agree with CC and would say so on a thread asking about the pros and cons of cc or somebody thinking about it but asking for advice in general.

What I wouldn't do, is have a go at someone who has decided that is what they are doing and is asking for help from other MNers who have used it.

I think sometimes we need to read the OP more carefully and give advice based on what has been asked, rather than always using it as a chance to get our own viewpoint across.

It's fine when people don't agree with CC and can back up what they are saying with evidence or facts. Harrasing a vulnerable sleep deprived person, on the basis of not believing in it / thinking it is cruel and coming out with statements about it being harmful for the baby, or whatever are unecessary and unhelpful. Saying, I decided not to do it becuase or I don't agree with it becuase is different.

"think sometimes we need to read the OP more carefully and give advice based on what has been asked, rather than always using it as a chance to get our own viewpoint across"

• completely and utterly agree with you on that point MIA.

well I guess I only go on the threads that seem to be the op asking whether they should try it or want to know about it

so I want to clearly expolain that it is not for the under 12 months and the guy who invented it has now even though it aint so great

at least then new parents can make an informed decision

but I should never post on one at all really

its so wrong and I feel so bad for the babies/children that it upsets me greatly

If you think cc can be harmful to babies you have a right to express that opinion. Don't you?

YANBU- but I would say for my part, that no matter how tired I am, I just couldn't do it. I get upset for the baby.

BUT - I wouldn't flame someone who's got the stage where they feel it might be time to try it.

Yanbu, at all.

There was a horrible thread a while ago where the OP was seeking advice and a few posters really went over the top with the anti-CC stuff. Fine, if you don't agree with CC say so, but there is no need to start making the OP feel like a shit parent for just consdering it out of sheer desperation.

Seems odd that these people don't want the baby to cry at all but think nothing of reducing the mother to tears.

The post from MorrisZapp is spot on. The only possible outcome is a bunfight.

Will this thread go the same way?

I've done cc out of desperation with all three of mine (at 8 months, 13 months and 23 months).

Hearing other people say 'cc is harmful to babies' doesn't make me feel like a shit parent and I wouldn't want anyone to hold back for the sake of sparing my feelings.

I have used CC with great success at 3 mo . I appreciate that some people 'couldn't do that' to their baby but I find that they tend to be the ones who have tried it once and done it 'wrong'.
Also it annoys me when people ask for advice but refuse to even try it.
Each to his own but don't knock it if you aren't prepared to give it a good go.

Of course people have a right to express their opinion on CC the same as any other topic.

I just think that as CC (and breastfeeding) are such sensitive topics posters should make sure they read the OP and the thread so far very carefully, think about the mental state of the OP and post sympathetically. Far too often a cry for help turns into a slanging match between those pro and anti CC and the OP disappears.

YANBU. This gets my back up too. I was considering CC a few months back and was scared off by all the posts citing how much damage this does to the baby. More recently, now that I am better rested and have more time, I have been looking around a bit for research evidence on the topic and have been surprised how little there seems to be.

I am fine with people having strong views based on the way something makes them feel, but expressing personal opinion as fact isn't helpful to people who are exhausted and vulnerable. Providing links to verified information so someone can make up their mind based on real evidence would be much more useful, to my mind.

CC (though they don't call it that) is also recommended as a strategy for coping in the NHS Birth to Five book.

YANBU. All babies are different, and all parents are different, and yet many threads believe that their's, and their's alone, is the only answer.

Agree that all opinions and experience are absolutely valid, but scaremongering and vitriol are unfair and unhelpful in a topic like this.

I used cc for my DS at 10 months as he woke every hour throughout the night without fail. Then would SMILE at me as i walked through the door, so not hungry, in pain etc.

In the end I HAD to do it or we would both have ended up out of the window. I was lucky as DS gave in fairly quicly after a 10 min bout of crying and settled well ever since. He is now 7yrs and has been a great sleeper ever since.

It really saved my life. on the other hand I khave friends who tried it for weeks on end and their dc refused to give in.

So I would say try it if you feel it is right, but it does not work for everyone.

Like most things in life, it is not black and white.

Parenting is hard enough without being beaten round the head by other people's convictions.

I have never heard of one of the anti CC brigade offering to lok after these desperate people's Dcs until they "grow out of it"!