To resent being pressurised into forking out £10 for a present for the teachers?

[Spidermama]

I was just pondering whether to bake somethng for the teachers this year or buy some wine when another mum marched up to me in the playground yesterday and said, 'Hello Spiderboy's mum. We're organising a collection for the teachers so that they don't get a load of rubbish Everyone's giving £10'.

Of course at the time I said, 'Yes OK. I haven't brought money today but will bring it tomorrow.'

I've had rising irritation ever since. I have four children and we're pretty hard up. We're not having a family holiday this year (unless you count visiting DH's family in Birmingham) and given that I have 4 children, all of whom have teachers to buy presents for, I really wasn't planning to fork out this much.

However, as I was asked in public and told 'everyone is giving £10' I felt too embarrassed to say 'no thank you'.

Would it be unreasonable of me to change my mind and tell her today I'm making my own arrangements?

Now I regret it not just because of the money but because of the public way I was asked. I feel pressurised. Last time I was this short of money I baked them all a loaf of bread and it went down really well.

elliot one year I sent each teacher a bar of G&B choc and paid £5 to a fund providing equipment for a school in a thrirdworld country.

One LSA sent me a lovely letter to my home saying thanks, others didnt even hand my boys the sttandard pre printed thank you (complete with blanks for name and gift FFS) they hand out. I was very , after all a bar of G&B should be enough alone

The scones smelt fabulous, I hung around chatting to her but she didn't take the hint!

At Christmas we grew some Hyacinths and Paperwhite Narcissi (Expat TM) which was a nice thing to do with the boys, and meant that the Teacher/TA/Childminder and Grandmothers got something the boys had had input in. The boys made cards and tags as well.

SIL makes fabulous tiffin, am going to get the recipe to make for this Christmas.

(£5 per teacher, in their name with a little cert enclosed)

I think that sounds lovely peachy. but I'm surprised that teachers think its ok to accept such large amounts of money for what is their JOB - I blame the bonus culture

I am an ex primary school teacher and I used to absolutely love the stuff my kids brought in (even though I wouldn't have chosen some of it myself!). Maybe I am just not materialistic, but I would far prefer the strange assortment of items I got to something impersonal everyone had donated to. And I did get some strange things - someone brought me some tent tights that were "too big for my mum" (although I was a right skinny minny at the time and they obviously would never in a million years have fitted), out of date chocolates, old smellies, and once even a half eaten chocolate orange!

I was always grateful because it showed appreciation of me and that was lovely. So even if I never did get brave enough to eat the half finished chocolate orange, I was still pleased the kids thought to bring it.

I would get your own thing. It's more personal and less pandering to this materialistic society we live in. Don't be bossed around!

[shocked]PeachytheRiver, that you didn't get a thank you for a bar of choclate. Shame on the teacher!!! Even a hand drawn picture or card should get a thank you. I'd be sending a big fat nothing the following year!

actually I'm not fussed about thank-yous - at Christmas ds2s reception teacher AND ta both did personal handwritten thank you cards - yes very nice, but really not necessary and a little bit adding to the whole pressure/upping the ante...I don't need a thank you for a thank you, where will it all end!!

thank you's card/notes? from the teacher?

have never ever had one, and I really truly wouldn't expect one.

No, it was just that I read that everyone else had one, and the chocolate wasn't good enough for one - maybe I read it wrong. That was what shocked me. if no one had got one, that's fair enough.

I'm a LSA to a specific child, but was given wine and a voucher from the class yesterday. I have tried to thank the children and parents individually but don't have access to all their addresses to write to them. I hope no-one is thinking I am rude or ungrateful, as I really was very touched by this gesture.

You know, i'm not bothered about thank you's and would far prefer none to something clearly printed out by school in anticipation.

much like the old lollipop lady (we now have a crossing) who used to put out cardboard boxes f0r her gifts on this day, and the fact this is the ony day the teachers receive the kids at the school gates in the INfants.

The Junior svchool and SNU teahcers deserve lovely gifts but the expectation in the infants does make me think tbh

Hi, going through this as well. Got a note on Tuesday asking for £7 for the teachers present. Last night at 10:45PM, i got a text message 'reminding' me that i havent yet given and they will be buying the present today. So "can you please make sure that you give the money, or an envelope to ClassRep in the morning."

Eeerrr, well, no I cant 'make sure', I dont do the school run, and actually I dont agree with collecting a fixed amount money to buy a predecided gift. Surely, if at all, they collect the money FIRST and buy what it can afford? Non?

So, with that off my chest i shall press 'post message' and swiftly call the class rep to tell her to sod off that we are giving a different present.

BTW, its very easy to say' grow a pair and just say no' and all the rest of it, but these are still parents that you will have school-based relationships with - play-dates, birthday party invites from/to (or not) and general playground chatter, so I think that it is important to tread carefully in these circs.

If I did ever give a teacher an end of year present, I would not expect a written thank you. And I would certainly not be offended if I didn't receive one.

I think homemade bread or chocolates is a lovely idea.

It's a bit mad isn't it. I work in the public sector doing behind the scenes stuff for you lot every day, where's my present hmmm?

I haven't bothered to get anything this year. [apathetic]

I bought sweets/bisciuts for the staffroom at Xmas.

as a teacher myself i have to say i appreciate nice co-operative parents that care about their children more than any present at end of term. if u were to give something i personally think some home made cookie or other gift shows alot more thought.

Seriously, when did this whole giving presents to teachers marlarkey start? I've never given my son's teachers a gift in all the time he was in primary school (he's now in secondary) and I don't intend to when my daughter starts in September.

Or AIBU?!?

Message withdrawn

lol - now theres pressure for getting thank yous for giving thank yous.

A thank you letter while appreciated is uneccessary, teacher says thank you to child when recieves pressie surely.

I have given 5 when asked for 10. I have also simply said I won't be contributing (which takes the wind out of their sails). We get asked for donations to the class reps as well, which was a step too far this year for me. We are financially squeezed with 4 children, and there are times I am happy to go along with the group John Lewis vouchers or whatever, and there are times when I feel - Stuff it!

I gave a gift at Christmas and a card with a special message to ds's literacy teacher, she told me she really treasured the card and would get it out and read it after having occasional bad days, but the gift wasn't necessary.

I wouldn't even bother with a gift, just a card for the teachers with a personal message. It just pressures them to write thank you cards to everyone.

YANBU, most definitely, this is unacceptable pressure to be expected to give £10.

The best present I received as a teacher was a large matchbox which the child had put polyfiller on the top and decorated with shells from the local beach.(I was teaching an infant class). The same year I also received loads of John lewis vouchers and a Cross fountain pen, as well as champagne and chocs/smellies. But it was the homemade match box that really meant something, and I use it all the time still, 10 years later.

For this reason I tend to do homemade things for my dc's teachers now. I've done truffles wrapped in cellophane and ribbon, lavender bags, and always homemade cards. I even bought ds1's teacher a new pencil sharpener at the end of this term as the 2 year 4 classes were all sharing a pencil sharpener. She was delighted!

Message withdrawn

How bizarre. Surely better to put some thought into it and make something? Fancy being pressurised. And tbh £10 is a lot of money. Ridiculous.

Sorry dilemma - I should read properly