To resent being pressurised into forking out £10 for a present for the teachers?

[Spidermama]

I was just pondering whether to bake somethng for the teachers this year or buy some wine when another mum marched up to me in the playground yesterday and said, 'Hello Spiderboy's mum. We're organising a collection for the teachers so that they don't get a load of rubbish Everyone's giving £10'.

Of course at the time I said, 'Yes OK. I haven't brought money today but will bring it tomorrow.'

I've had rising irritation ever since. I have four children and we're pretty hard up. We're not having a family holiday this year (unless you count visiting DH's family in Birmingham) and given that I have 4 children, all of whom have teachers to buy presents for, I really wasn't planning to fork out this much.

However, as I was asked in public and told 'everyone is giving £10' I felt too embarrassed to say 'no thank you'.

Would it be unreasonable of me to change my mind and tell her today I'm making my own arrangements?

Now I regret it not just because of the money but because of the public way I was asked. I feel pressurised. Last time I was this short of money I baked them all a loaf of bread and it went down really well.

I think so Hobnob...the world's gone nuts. It was the same when I was growing up too (at the risk of sounding like one of the Four Yorkshiremen in Monty Python)

I am actually rather worried about Proms - from what I've heard they're Incredibly Expensive Occasions.

Dreading proms. Why can't kids just get pissed on some cheap cider in the woods/bus stop/mate's house at the end of their school life, like the good old days?!

Yes! We did that (oh dear)

I think they still do that actually but now it's in the back of a limo.

And..and..I was over 40 the first opportunity I had to ride in a limo (to a posh Christmas do a couple of years ago)! They'll have nothing to look forward to..now I sound like my mother

YANBU to think that £10 is a lot and that you shouldn't have been pressured into anything (especially a set amount - surely it would be better for everyone to donate what they could afford and then buy something with however much is collected?!). But you've said yes now, I think YABU to go back on your word. Regardless of how embarassing it might have been, you shouldn't pledge something you can't afford.

YANBU to think that £10 is a lot and that you shouldn't have been pressured into anything (especially a set amount - surely it would be better for everyone to donate what they could afford and then buy something with however much is collected?!). But you've said yes now, I think YABU to go back on your word. Regardless of how embarassing it might have been, you shouldn't pledge something you can't afford.

spidey we had the same thing, via a note from a Mum so no chance to even say no. Like you we have 4, and as between them they share

3 teachers

6 LSA's and 1-1

2 dinner ladies 'pals' (to ensure they dont eat food they cant have)

and we are V V ahrd up following DH's redundancy, I ahve ignored the note.

I had already arranged to have some £1 chocolate bars printed with Thank You X from the Peachy Family and the bioys ahd amde cards. I donated 2 X £5 to the Head's leaving collection (as he has been most tolerant), it just started getting silly after. I worked out that if thsi was spread universally to all our teachers /LSA's it'd cost me 3 weeks carers allowance.

BTW the teacher last year got over £300 worth of Next voiuchers

a tad extreme, no?

gagamama, I can see what you mean but I disagree. The OP was asked in public and not given any sort of get out - that was incredibly rude! I too wouldn't have been able to say no when faced with someone telling me to bring £10 in, but given a bit of time to plan my words would have no hesitation in telling her no.

YANBU, the worlds gone mad

Tesco and Asda are full of "Best Teacher" cards it is all big business.

I just dropped off the presents (wine, 3 for £10!) and DS1's homemade cards (for a normal thankyou card it was £1.50 minimum, so £4.50 ) at school with the school secretary.

She was sat eating the most delicious smelling homemade (still warm) scone. A Mother with 3 DC at the school had baked them for all the teachers. The smell was divine and she was saying how they'd had so many flowers/wine/chocolates and one Mother had bought the entire teaching staff (including TA's) a big plant each

I know what I am doing next year (though may have to practice my scone-baking).

We did plan on sending a tray of donuts to the SNU ds3 attends (he cant tell us who teaches him specifically so part from the basics dont know names etc) a few days ago, asking them to be popped into the staffroom

We ate them though instead

last year I amde gingerbread cookies (Christmas) but baby has been fluey so althogh he is now better been too busy to plan

You absolutely can go back on 'your word' - if you said yes under pressure you can find a way to politely bow out.

How about saying you hadn't realized, but your DCs already had ideas for individual teachers' presents, so you'll be making your own arrangements.

When DS1 started school nine years ago, I don't remember ever giving presents - although some did.

I've always felt it was up to the individual, and if a teacher thinks worse of me or my child because I don't give them a present it says more about them than it does about me.

DD (now 11) told me recently that her class teacher, at Christmas in year 5, said 'why haven't you got me a present, X?' I was ill at the time and was struggling to make the school run.
I think it was his idea of a joke, but I remember her coming home and saying she'd felt embarrassed being the only one without a present, but only told me recently about the comment.
It's lovely if you've really appreciated a teacher's efforts with your child, but I don't believe in falling over ourselves to give a present if we're not that way inclined.
No one has their arm twisted to become a teacher (bitter).

Mmmmmmmm home made warm scones...now THAT is a fab idea! Who couldn't love a homemade warm scone?? I want one NOW!

It should only be a token. Something little from a little child. Too ostentatious and the gift loses it's meaning and just becomes embarrassing.

Next year they're getting, a few days before the Overload Express hits the school, a tray of scones and i shall thorow in a jat of home amde jam for the classroom.

Can't say fairer.

I don't do Christmas or end of year presents but at some point during the year I make a basket/box up of nice coffees, tea, fruit teas and biscuits addressed to all the staff.

By giving it at the beginning of the term all the staff get to share it and use it. I keep thinking about taking in strawberries/fruit and cream all washed etc but somehow never remember - perhaps I will this year on Monday.

I didnt bother with ds and his nursery teachers, even though he is leaving the school to go to a catholic primary.
There were 4 teachers for a start, and even if I only spent £5 each thats still £20 I could do with myself. I just sent a card, but I know a mum who even sent a present for the pg teachers baby

I dont ever remember doiing this when I was at school.

For the OP - just give what you want or what you can afford, dont be afraid to say NO! The head of the PTA once asked me to give £5 for a teacher who was retiring. I had serious issues with that teacher so refused and said I wouldnt be giving anything as was pleased she was leaving. PTA mum looked a bit shocked but still speaks to me

I was just thinking the same about the scones, maybe with some whipped cream.

A lovely idea to do so at the start of term, or even randomly in the middle as a surprise treat.

Could always do brownies, I suppose.

dd1's teacher had a jar of homemade rhubarb and ginger jam and was delighted, no way would I be able to afford £10 per teacher.

I haven't sent a present in for dd2's nursery teacher as she's only been in nursery 2 months and will be going back to her in sept.

what's going on with MN at the moment - it keeps losing 2 hours - it's like an X file!

I'm organising a collection for my DS1's teachers and TA. I sent round a note deliberately not specifying an amount. I think I put £2 to £20. It's a wealthy area but it doesn't mean everyone has ready cash this week. Most parents are delighted as it's quick and easy, and some have been very generous.

One mum said she didn't like the idea and is baking brownies, which sounded nice, and I was a bit worried the other parents might feel I was pressurising them. Fortunately all the feedback was "no, thank you for doing it". I reckon 2/3 parents like the idea and the other 1/3 don't or can't afford anything.

I just baulk at the idea of 25 "best teacher" mugs .

I do think collections are less bad or if optional perfectly OK if peopleare given otice

after about the 8th I was sorted though as we'reoff on holiday tomorrow and don't like to leave things (bar the packing, haven't even looked at that LOL)

I like taking in a small thing because its a thank you from my family to the teacher. So I don't tend to contribute to a collection. dd is making a bookmark for her teacher. It does take a little bit of self confidence not to care about what other parents think about you, but I'm pretty sure most don't judge others badly for not opting in.

I think its madness too. And don't forget that in most public services it is considered unethical to receive gifts or money from clients - why are teachers different? Cards expressing thanks, small home made tokens, fine - but £100s of pound worth of vouchers? what on earth is that all about?? (actually, if people are going to donate that much, why not make it a donation for classroom equipment or books?)

Just wanted to say - as an ex-teacher, I agree that lots of "best teacher" mugs or random cheap smellies are not very popular and vouchers/spa things sound lovely but I would have hated to think that parents were feeling pressure to give me something, especially when money is tight.
I am horrified by the teacher who asked why a child didn't give a present. I was always appreciative of presents if I got them, but they were a lovely extra and not a right. I totally understood that some people might not want to give me a present, or might not be able to afford one.
One of the loveliest prezzies I got was a basket of fruit that someone had grwon and arranged nicely - and far less fattening than choccies!

forgot to say - YANBU. Go back and say actually we've sorted something ourselves.