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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not tell people that I have swine flu?

21 replies

infectedwiththeflu · 16/07/2009 21:15

I am a regular but have namechanged obviously.

I was diagnosed a few days ago, over the phone.

I have followed all the guidelines, have isolated myself from society etc, so I am not out there spreading the virus, if it is in fact swine flu which really can never be certain without a test.

But when people have asked I have told them that it's just a heavy cold.

Because really I don't wish to be stigmatised by the label of having had swine flu. I've seen this happen to other people, where children have been uninvited to parties etc because they have had swine flu, and even though they've recovered people haven't wanted to be anywhere near them.

I don't feel telling people serves any purpose.

I am not putting people at risk.

So ibu?

OP posts:

mrsboogie · 16/07/2009 21:17

there's no stigma - don't be daft. People are just nervous of catching it.

stonethecrows · 16/07/2009 21:19

As long as you're not putting other people at risk, I don't think you need to tell anybody else.

Mind you, as more and more people get the swine flu lurgy, hopefully there won't be such a perceived stigma to it.

However, it's nobodies business but yours as long as you are locking yourself away till better. Hope you feel better soon

CrushWithEyeliner · 16/07/2009 21:19

well you won't be a social outcast for ever - just until you are better and quite right too. I mean what exactly are you worried about?

preggersplayspop · 16/07/2009 21:20

Hmmm, tricky one. When I read your thread title I thought YABU definitely but if you say you are not mixing with other people then I do have some sympathy with you.

However, I am pregnant so considered to be in a high risk group so I would prefer to know so I could steer clear for a while (who's to say how long you isolate yourself for is the 'right' length of time?). By not telling me you're not giving me the option to make my own decision about whether to come into contact with you. I'd be pretty furious if I came down with Swine flu and then found out you had had it and didn't tell me.

stonethecrows · 16/07/2009 21:21

PPP - op says that she is following all the guidelines and not putting anybody at risk. Guess this is the reaction that op means.

moomaa · 16/07/2009 21:23

YANBU as you are not in contact with others. It's as straight forward as that.

MaggieBeBold · 16/07/2009 21:24

Come back here when it's behind you and tell us who you are. I'll be very jealous. I'd love to have it behind me.

So how does a person tell the difference between swine flu and a cold? does it feel much worse? do lemsips help? have your kids got it?

sorry to bombard you with questions.

preggersplayspop · 16/07/2009 21:30

I know, I read that bit. I'm probably more sensitive than I should be because I am pg. Just trying to explain how I personally would feel.

hazeyjane · 16/07/2009 21:30

Well we (dh, dds1 and 2) have all just had suspected swine flu, and stayed in for about 12 days all in all (cabin fever!). I told everyone, because I thought some people might want to steer clear of us for longer (pregnant friends, my friend who has a premature baby, someone waiting for an operation), which is fine to me, it is a horrible feeling to be terrified of catching something because your immunity is low. Everyone else has had nothing but sympathy - of course they could all be smothering themselves with antibacterial gel when they are out of our sight!

Rachmumoftwo · 16/07/2009 21:35

The thing is, you don't need to tell people. It is everywhere so worrying about who you may have come into contact with is pointless.

I can see why you would want to keep it quiet, at least until people stop treating it like a new plague. It is flu, just a much more hyped up version. The media are making it so much bigger than it is. Yes, it is bad, but the mass hysteria is a bit unnecessary imo.

Original poster

infectedwiththeflu · 16/07/2009 21:45

Well tbh it could easily just be a bad cold as I was "diagnosed" over the phone.

I'm not actually even convinced that it is swine flu, but the GP said they are told to diagnose everyone with two or more symptoms with it.

OP posts:

thederkinsdame · 16/07/2009 23:06

I know what you mean as I felt like this when I had MRSA. All of my friends were great and still came to see me, apart from one, who said she'd only meet me outside so we could go for a walk. She seemed oblivious to the fact that I could barely stand let alone do anything else! But that was her choice and I respected that.

TrillianAstra · 16/07/2009 23:15

Well in thoery if you have swine flu then you probably shouldn't send your DCs off to parties if they might be incubating it.

But if you are seriously making sure that no-one will be infected by your or your children then there's no need to tell them.

But I haven't noticed any 'stigma'. If you are an intelligent sensible person and your friends recognise that then they will presumably believe you when you say 'I am no longer infectious and neither are my DCs' so I don't see the problem with them knowing.

Original poster

infectedwiththeflu · 17/07/2009 10:37

"Well in thoery if you have swine flu then you probably shouldn't send your DCs off to parties if they might be incubating it."

That is exactly what I am talking about though. There is no advice to keep children out of shool if parents have swine flu, or to quarantine the whole household. My child should have the right to go wherever he wants. He does not have swine flu.

OP posts:

squeakywheel · 17/07/2009 12:21

Traditionally (pre routine vaccinations) children would sometimes be kept away from other childrens just due to contact with someone with an illness - e.g. children not going back to boarding school due to being in quarantine (often crops up in old school stories). So it's not daft to think that they should do that. The official advice isn't to do that at the moment, probably because it just applies to too many people, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a good idea to keep children who are very likely to be incubating it out of childcare settings.

squeakywheel · 17/07/2009 12:25

And parties (groups of kids, basically).

alittlebitfat · 17/07/2009 12:27

Obviously it is entireky your choice, however, docs are still asking suspected cases if they have been in contact with a case, so it could be useful to tell folk

higgle · 17/07/2009 19:22

The guidelines in Gloucestershire are if you have tamiflu stay off work for 5 days and if not for 7 days, so it is all over very quickly - can't see anyone would miss out much on parties etc. in such a short space of time.

SparklyGothKat · 17/07/2009 19:36

well apparently DD2 had swine flu last week and gave it to us all... DS2, DD1, DH and myself all had it... DD2 and DS1 were fine.. the rumourmill at school got it all wrong, and no-one talked to me this week

Sarey1 · 17/07/2009 19:59

TrillianAstra you're only contagious if you have symptoms - coughing, aching, sore throat, temperature etc etc - so if you are incubating it but aren't ill, you can't spread it. No need to keep people indoors if they aren't actually ill.

Have looked into this in detail today as my DH is ill with raging swine-flu (unable to lift a finger to help me, demanding home made soup and lemsips, but well enough to get up, get dressed and sit on the pc all day buying a new pc ... ) but DS and I have no symptoms whatsoever and I have got serious cabin fever. His GP told him not to bother quarantining us as "you are just as likely to catch it in Sainsburys".

BTW he has been 'ill' for 3 days and it seems like a doddle to me. And he definitely has swine flu, in fact it's the uber serious 'man' version of it.

misdee · 17/07/2009 20:08

YANBU.

i hate the secrecy thing though. i find myself wispering to people that dd3 had swine flu after seeing peoples reaction to the news at first.

dd3 was out of action for a week and off nursery for that time.

when she got back, i did find people at the nursery were cautious.

i think we need to get rid of the stigma. i said to sparklygothcat i felt like paiting a red cross on my door yelling 'unclean unclean'.

i asked if i should keep the rest of the kids off school, gp said not to. and to carry on as normal. just to keep dd3 in.

people were pulling their kids out of nursery on the monday after dd3 was off school, in case they caught swine flu. which was daft, as the infectious child was off school.

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