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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to this wedding?

21 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 16/07/2009 11:42

Argh just typed all this out then my laptop crashed!

Anyway, in a nutshell... I just received an invite for my cousins wedding which will take place this Decemeber in a venue about 400 miles from where we live. Only DH and I have been invited ie, there is a letter in the invite to say that no children will be allowed to the wedding because the venue 'is too cold' (!!!?).

At present we have DS1 who will be 2.3 years old in Dec and DS2 (due any day) will be 5ish months by then. I exculsively breastfed DS1 until weaning, and continued to BF until he was 14 months old and I fully intend to BF DS2 as well. So my immediate thoughts are that I don't want to leave both DS's esp when I will be still feeding DS2 (hopefully exclusively BFing). Plus I don't really have any contact at all with my cousin, I've seen her only a handful of times in my life and we only really say 'hello' on facebook every now and then. There isn't really anyone here either I would want to ask to (or expect to) look after 2 small DC's for 2 days and I wouldn't be able to take them with us and leave them with anyone down there.

Given it's right near Christmas too and we would need to stay in a hotel for 2 nights in London also majorly puts me off in terms of finances.

So AIBU to reply to say thanks but no thanks?

OP posts:
traceybath · 16/07/2009 11:46

Of course you're not unreasonable to decline the invite.

She probably invited you under family pressure and is assuming you won't attend anyway

StealthPolarBear · 16/07/2009 11:46

no definitely not. Unless you are close to this cousin I wouldn't make a huge effort to go - which it would be for you.

Hassled · 16/07/2009 11:46

No, YANBU. Sounds like way more hassle than it's worth. Although I am intrigued by the venue being too cold for children - are we talking some sort of Ice Palace? An igloo? Is it too cold for children but warm enough for grannies?

Just write a nice note wishing them well but explaining you will be unable to leave your DCs for that period.

CMOTdibbler · 16/07/2009 11:47

If you don't want to go, don't go - easy as that. Send a nice Regrets card that just says you are unable to attend, and leave it at that though - no need to give any reasons

paisleyleaf · 16/07/2009 11:47

yanbu

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/07/2009 11:48

Nah don't go - of course not! Would be different if it was a friend or close family but the fact that you happen to share DNA means not a lot. I'm going to australia in 2 years for one cousin's wedding - whereas I have other cousins that I wouldn't go across the road to watch getting wed. YANBU.

pooka · 16/07/2009 11:48

I do love the "too cold" as a poxy excuse....

DS (aged 4 weeks by the time of the wedding, we obviously knew wouldn't be going when we received the invitation) was excluded from a wedding on the grounds that there was a moat, therefore drowning risk for children!

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 16/07/2009 11:50

you do not have to give a reason in a decline note. just do the formal thing 'mrand mrs x thank y for their kind invitation to a but unfortunately has to decline.

thats it-all you need to say

DrunkenDaisy · 16/07/2009 11:51

It is odd but guess it's just a polite way of saying that they don't want kids there. What do you want them to say?....'I really don't like your kids that much and don't want them at my wedding?'

randomtask · 16/07/2009 11:52

Buy a 'sorry I can't come card', fill it out and leave it there. No explanation. Anyone with any sense would know you couldn't do it and wouldn't expect it. If you don't see her the only people to question it would be your parents who would surely know why you can't go.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 16/07/2009 11:53

3 week old ds was not invited once because he woukld be 'bored during the speeches'

mrsjammi · 16/07/2009 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 16/07/2009 11:55

Said cousins sister will have a 4month old by then too, I wonder if her baby will be allowed to go? I thought the 'too cold' thing was weird too, yes it's December but surely there will be heating in the church and reception area?

Anyhoo, I feel better now, I'll reply to say that I will be snuggling next to our cosy Christmas tree in front of our cosy fire

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 16/07/2009 11:58

lol at all these tiny infants wandering towards moats and needing heckling the speeches!

OhBling · 16/07/2009 12:03

I always think you can decline any wedding invite (or almost any) as long as you do it at the appropriate time and in a sensitive way. So by declining now, immediately after receiving the invite, you are in fact behaving like the perfect wedding-guest (who won't be attending).

expatinscotland · 16/07/2009 12:05

Why get worked up over this?

Just decline now. A polite, 'Sorry, we won't be able to make it' and that's it will suffice.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 16/07/2009 12:22

Um, I didn't realise I was 'worked up' about it

Was just looking for other peoples opnions!

OP posts:
Blackduck · 16/07/2009 12:28

I did this - dp's cousin invited us to their wedding (only an hour or so away), but no children. I could have walked past the girl in the street and not recognised her, we see so little of them. So I politely declined and assumed she invited someone she would have rather had there in the first place!

Stigaloid · 16/07/2009 12:45

YANBU - you can reply any which way you choose. It is certainly up to the happy couple to elect to exclude children from theit wedding but they have to accept that the consequence as such will be families who choose not to attend. Reply - wish you all the best. Hope you have a lovely day. And stay home.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/07/2009 13:58

yanbu in not wanting to go

agree it is the way that you reply saying no that makes the difference

so just send a card saying sorry cant make your wedding and wish her the best - will be fine

zeke · 16/07/2009 16:42

YANBU for not wanting to go!
I definately wouldn't go under those circumstances - that would be whether children are allowed or not.
They probably expect a regret from you anyway.
I would sent a regret card and your best wishes as soon as you can.

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