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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you're going to bring other people along, you should ask first?

15 replies

bleh · 14/07/2009 12:50

I have this friend who, whenever you arrange to meet somewhere/do something, he normally turns up with a retinue (normally about 2 or 3 extras, but anyway). ALL the time. And never asks first. Now, once in a while is fine, but he does it all the time and one of the people he drags along is alright, but is incredibly shy. As soon as you speak to him he blushes and starts giggling.

So, AIBU? And how do I broach this with said friend?

OP posts:
LouMacca · 14/07/2009 13:07

This would really annoy me. You could have a private matter to discuss or a problem you want to talk through.

Next time you make arrangements I would say that you want it to be just the 2 of you. It seems odd that he always brings someone else with him - could there be a reason why he does this?

LovingTheRain · 14/07/2009 13:09

YANBU, it would really annoy me if someone did this! Maybe next time you arrange something, arrange to pick him up. He'll be less likely to bring anyone else along. Especially if there is no room in your car for extra people

Original poster
bleh · 14/07/2009 13:13

Hm, I don't have a car so I won't be able to try that.

I think he just likes having lots of people around, or else doesn't realise it's such a social faux pas.

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 14/07/2009 16:16

Next time you arrange something - ask him! "Will it be the 2 of us, or are you thinking of inviting anyone?" At least that will make him realise (perhaps) that it's information you would like to have!

MorrisZapp · 14/07/2009 16:19

I say to my friends, 'I can't wait to catch up, just the two of us!' or similar. Then they have to confess if they've invited an extra.

But they never do anyway - they know how intolerant I am of people I don't know already

shhhh · 14/07/2009 21:39

no you anbu.

I so hate this............dh & i have a couple who we have knows for years...there have been several occasions where we have arranged with them to meet for lunch/dinner only to turn up and: their parents be with them, their uncle and parents be with them or other of our friends are there who they invited but failed to tell us about....

its a nightmare when all our friend go out for a meal as there can be up to 14 of us and its impossible to have a conversation with all and to catch up iykwim...fair enough if we go out for drinks but a meal is pointless...

Same friend also invites me to take the dk's out and once there she has invited others.

IMO its rude....

In fact, when we get asked dh usually replies with "who's coming"...at first I was but now I think I would rather know...

That said, still times when they say "oh just us" and thats not been the case.

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/07/2009 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ellceeell · 14/07/2009 22:47

We have friends who do this too. It feels like they are saying "Well, it might not be enough fun just with you so we'll bring along some more interesting people, just in case". Or maybe I'm paranoid?

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/07/2009 12:49

its rude - maybe next time book a table for 2

shhhh · 15/07/2009 14:56

Ellceell that exactly what we always think.

Bloneshavemore...why book a table for 2..? I don't mind going out in a group at all BUT rather be made aware of who/how many are coming along.

Sometimes its nice to go out just as a 4some as it allows us to chat and catch up YET if it ends up with loads of others doesn't always give us a chance to catch up.

Im not antisocial at all...also in the group there are certain others that we don't class as friends and maybe who we wouldn't choose to spend time with (maybe they think the same as us...) so would rather know who is coming along rather than turn up iykwim.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/07/2009 15:06

book a table for 2, as then the op friend might relise that he is being rude by inviting others

shhhh · 15/07/2009 15:20

ah right, thought that was aimed at me .

Original poster
bleh · 15/07/2009 15:33

I asked him about it yesterday, and he didn't see anything wrong with dragging along other people. I've told him in future, could he please at least ask so I know what's going on. I haven't heard back. Hm.

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 15/07/2009 15:38

This really annoys me, too. One friend went through a phase of always bringing her flatmate with her on nights out. On one occasion, I had booked a table for four people and invited my three closest friends. She phoned me on the afternoon of the meal, asking, 'Where shall we meet you?'.

I have another friend who always assumes invitations extend to her 11 year old daughter. If a group of us are meeting in a pub of an evening and we invite her, she will always, ALWAYS bring her daughter along.

MamaLazarou · 15/07/2009 15:39

(Or she will say she can't come, because that pub doesn't allow children)

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