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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want a big wedding but have something more personal to me and dh and kids

23 replies

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:11

I have been with my partner for along time, we have two children, would like something very personal and dont want to do the whole formality thing where you feed the five thousand and invite people you never see, and everyone judging your wedding to the previous one they went to. I do want close friends and our mums and dads and brother and sisters, but feel like running of to say we do, please advise of your weddingswhat you did and am I being unresponsible.

OP posts:

Divatheshopaholic · 13/07/2009 20:14

nope, you and your family comes first, just go and register at the local office, and enjoy yourselves, go abroad, treat your family

WinkyWinkola · 13/07/2009 20:14

I had a big wedding. 190 people.

I didn't like it. It wasn't me. Can't think why I let myself go along with it.

You must do what you want. It's your day. Not anybody else's. Make yourself, your DP and your DCs happy.

LoveMyGirls · 13/07/2009 20:20

I think it's your day so you can do it how you like.

personally we're getting married in just over 8weeks and we're having a church wedding (mil insisted but tbh I was quite chuffed because had she not have insisted & paid then we wouldn't have been able to afford it)

We're having a social club reception with buffet, our friend is dj-ing and some of our other friends are playing in the band.

The most important thing for us (after the actual marriage) was having a wedding that we could invite everyone we wanted to on a small budget. We are lucky we have had lots of offers of help/ money so it will hopefully be a really fabulous day.

We could have invited more people than we have but we decided to draw the line at people we really want there, we're on such a small budget that we can't afford to have as many people as other people would have liked tbh so it stopped all that lets invite xx and xx and her 10 cousins and such and such because we simply said we can't afford it.

hope my waffle has helped, a bit Can you tell I'm very excited?

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:23

Thank you WinkyWinkola and divatheshopaholic , im not one for look at me, never have been, everyone is different im not saying those who have a big wedding are like this but personally I can think of better things to do with the money,and I want to really focus on our children being a big part , taking into account money is tight but I want something more intimate and special.

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geordieminx · 13/07/2009 20:24

We are going to a nice hotel that can only seat up to 40 - perfect excuse not to invite the world and his wife. (Malmaison). As they dont do many weddings we were able to pick the date that we wanted, only 6 months in advance - another way of stoppping it turning into a circus

We are all staying the night before, then getting married in the Champagne Bar, then meal in private dining room (40 people, nice meal and wine), for the night time we are inviting the 40 from the day plus another 10/15 to the local casino, to have a nice relaxed evening - putting a drink on for everyone, and platters at about 10pm.

No wedding cars, bridesmaids - really chilled out informal atmosphere (hopefully), with people that we actually want to invite (well mostly) .

It isnt cheap (about 6k) but thats because although its small we are having nice food/wine/decorations etc.

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:26

Lovemygirls Congratulations, and thanks for your post, I did think about a party in the evening as well but dont want the formality in the daytime just worried about upsetting people because im like that all the best to you. xx

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Sunshinemummy · 13/07/2009 20:27

We've been together 18 years and have two children. We're getting married next month in New York's City Hall with 6 friends as witnesses. We'll have a party when we come back but it will be combined with DD's Naming.

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:29

geordieminx that sound brillant I love that idea hope you have a special day,thats what I call intimate and personal and fun I wish you all the best good on you. xxx

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Tillyscoutsmum · 13/07/2009 20:30

Initially we were going to hire a house for the weekend and have very close family (parents, siblings, children) and a few friends. Our friends did this and we were lucky enough to go - it was fabulous. A really lovely, intimate weekend where the wedding itself was quite a small part of it and the rest was just about spending time with those closest to you.

It was here

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:32

Sunshinemummy that is lovely how special is that, we have been together the same time I love the fact that you have all done something intimate and special good on you all I wish you all the happiness in the world hope you have a lovely day. xx

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Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:38

Tillyscoutmum this is lovely, its beautiful! you have all done somthing unique and different I love it. Just need to decide what we will do now thank you for all sharing you special day.

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LoveMyGirls · 13/07/2009 20:43

Thanks

We're getting married at 3pm so really by the time we've had the ceremony, photos, speeches it'll be about 6.30pm so really it's ony an evening do rather than the sit down meal as well as there was no way we could have afforded to do that, also this way I get to have a lie in on the morning (well maybe til 8am) and I'm not rushing to get ready.

geordieminx · 13/07/2009 20:48

We chose to go to the casino as we really dont know that many people so couldnt fill a hotel function room with 150+ people for a disco, and tbh I'm not really a fan of cheesy disco's and sausage roll buffets

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:52

Ideally I thought the same as you and will do the same and get married around the same time, Lovemygirls its a good idea because you dont have to do the sit down part in the day and you can go straight to the evening,I cant believe how much response Ive had its nice as Im new to MN but I love it.Dont you find as soon as you say Wedding the pound sign rings in your ears.It just goes to prove you can say I do without all the debt.

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Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 20:55

Geordieminx you and I would get on so well as my Dp goes to poker everyweek and they all love this, I like a party always have but when we get married we are not having it in the football season my DP loves footie I dont, I could live with poker though.xx

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minko · 13/07/2009 20:57

Apparently yes YABU. But I say this from experience... I am planning our wedding for 10 weeks time and thought we could get away with a registry office do at lunchtime, lunch with the parents and close family and a party in the evening.

But it is snowballing rapidly. Everyone (the friends I have mentioned it to) apparently wants to see the wedding service. Which means we are inviting them to the lunch (45 + kids at the last count) and it's merging into a full on wedding. With speeches and cakecutting and first dances and all kind of stuff I didn't want!

I know it's 'my wedding and I should have what I want' - it's just proving easier said than done!

Original poster

wineyesplease · 13/07/2009 21:20

I appreciate what you are saying I have made suggestions myself about want I want, but my Bf would be upset if she wasn't bridemaid and I have two other close friends who I promised would be bridemaids as well but money is tight and then it goes on with everyone having their input in my day, and we are not married yet, for me its a knightmare and I dont want that we are not married yet but I want whats best for usme.Si I am being unresonsible but feel they are to and I would never tell anyone else what they should do, I feel that I want to plan my day the way I want we are the ones paying for it.But I do Understand what you are saying its hard thats why I wanted to run off without the hassle.

OP posts:

staranise · 13/07/2009 21:57

Run off. We got married in local registry office, me, DH (obviously), our children and my best friend and her DH as witnesses. Then went for lunch in a pub and Champagne. That was it. Total cost: under £200 and that including my dress, registrar and lunch. We avoided the hassle by not telling anyone about it beforehand, not even our parents or siblings.
Noone was offended, jsut surprised and pleased and relieved that we were finally married (I realise we were lucky here). I totally appreciate that what we did was not everyone's idea of a wedding but it suited us. It's your day, do what you want to do.

crokky · 13/07/2009 22:07

I got married in a registry office.

Me, DH, my brothers, his brother, our parents. That's it, it was a lovely day. Even 8 years on, MIL said to me yesterday what a nice wedding it was - next weekend she has to go to her nephews gazillion pound wedding with loads of guests 200 miles away and she doesn't want to go.

Go to the register office and have a look round and find out the procedure - my ceremony was about £30 and you have to give some notice (can't remember, something like 1-3 weeks) and pay £30 ish each to give this notice.

For us, it was the fact we were getting married that was important. We went in our work suits and there was no fuss. Afterwards we went to a restaurant in the high street. The bill was about £150. We had no speeches or anything (we didn't want anything). I have never regretted it, in fact I just think what an excellent idea it was!

I'd do it fairly short notice if I was you, all this planning nonsence is overrated.

We could have afforded to do more, but we preferred to keep it very simple.

Tommy · 13/07/2009 22:12

your bridesmaids don't have to have matching dresses or anything that will cost a fortune - they are perfectly capable of buying themselves a nice dress for a wedding.

If you want to do the wedding quietly then do it - doesn't matter who else there as long as the two of you are there.

We went to a lovely wedding once where they had the ceremony at the registry ofice, then had a little wine and canapes reception and then in the evening we all went out to a restaurant for a meal and paid for ourselves. About 30 guests - really lovely and relaxed

Grandhighpoohba · 13/07/2009 22:18

We got married on the Friday, registry office, just us and the witnesses, then on the Saturday invited family, friends to a beautiful historical garden, got a friend to give a blessing. Kids as best men, two bfs as bridesmaids (let them choose their own outfits- less hastle) Was wonderful. As it wasn't a legal wedding ceremony, no legal hassle, chose exactly what we wanted
The advantage is that at the legal ceremony you can have just the people you want there, and then keep others happy at the blessing without all the hassle of organising a formal do.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 13/07/2009 23:32

We're getting married next week (have I not mentioned to anyone today 9 days to go)
We are having parents, siblings + nephew, our dc's and 2 close friends (one comes with her husband) as witnesses. So 17 people in all including the children. It would have been so easy to let it grown when the mothers found out about it but we had booked the size of room we wanted at the registry office (and stillhad to then re-book a bigger one)and just out our foot down. Everyone is really excited we will have the people closest to us there and we will be married which to us is the important bit.
We are having the party at home as we have the space and the whole family has pulled together for it.

We did consider a big party later on but in the end for us it defeated the purpose of what we wanted to do and if we were doing that might as well have had the whole big do.

Hope whatever you decide is right for you

Thingiebob · 16/07/2009 16:52

I've just got married and like you, neither myself or my DH could face being the centre of attention, nor did we want to spend a huge amount of money when we are saving for a house and expecting our first child.

We got married in the local registry office with three witnesses - close family then had a curry afterwards. A few days later we had a teaparty in our back garden for about 25 friends and family who understood that we had a private ceremony a few days before and that the party was a celebration of our wedding. We had homemade cakes and tea washed down with posh champagne and lots of fun despite the weather being totally shit!

You decide what you want to do for your wedding - anyone who complains will get over it eventually!

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