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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak up about the cheaters at work?

87 replies

DillyDollyDandy · 12/07/2009 19:46

Whilst on a 10 day trip abroad with 25 colleagues, I and everyone else watched as two people in our group flirted mercilessly with eachother quite blatantly, and ended up spending a night together and getting in with eachother. They both had partners waiting for them at home.

I ran into both partners yesterday morning, and sure as hell told them both about their cheating other-halfs. One couple has split up and I don't know about the other yet.

I'm now public enemy number one of my workplace because one of the cheaters is in my office, and he's much more popular than me, and I've been stigmatised as a 'meddler' and generally bitched about like mad. Only one person had the guts to confront me to my face - one of my exes, and also the cheating guy's best friend - and he said that it was none of my business and I've made a lot of people upset.

I'VE made a lot of people upset?? Surely the cheating is what made them upset, as opposed to the fact that the information came from me personally?? Everyone else who saw it happen was just going to turn a blind eye, and whilst I'm not particularly close to either of the cheated partners, I do know them, and seeing them just carry on obliviously seemed very wrong, and vaguely revolting to me, they have a right to know that their other half is a liar.

As for it not being my business - I saw it happen, the nature of 'it' being something I heavily disagree with, that's enough to make it 'my business'. They're not pissed off at me they're pissed off they got caught, and mad at themselves for not factoring into the equation that one
person may NOT be spineless enough to just cowardly say 'it's not my business' and look the other way.

But of course the pack mind has occured, majority vote wins, and it just shows up my colleagues for being the superficial, fake people that they are. I went to work and got loads of filthy looks, but not a word out of anyone. Deep down they KNOW I did the right thing. They just won't admit it 'cos then that makes them look bad for not doing something, when I did.

Although it's not pleasant being bitched about profusely, I don't regret it at all. I was the only person brave enough to do what's right despite the obvious consequences, when everyone else was gonna not say anything.

What do you think?

OP posts:
poppy34 · 12/07/2009 19:49

Gets hardhat, popcorn and heads for the bunker

JoesMummy09 · 12/07/2009 19:50

Wow, how's the view up there?

JoesMummy09 · 12/07/2009 19:51

... from the moral high-ground

HeadFairy · 12/07/2009 19:51

I don't think you did do the right thing actually. It's none of your business. Yes what they did was wrong, but that's up to them and their consciences. You are not judge jury and executioner.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 12/07/2009 19:53

YABU.

What other people get up to is up to them.

Lizzylou · 12/07/2009 19:53

I think you could possibly be quite mad

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/07/2009 19:53

Definitely didn't do the right thing.

Original poster
DillyDollyDandy · 12/07/2009 19:54

Why am I supposed to pretend I didn't see it though? That makes me a liar.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 12/07/2009 19:55

What you did was awful, absolutely awful.

HeadFairy · 12/07/2009 19:55

It doesn't make you a liar unless someone directly asks you the question, did you see these two people getting intimate with each other...

You are supposed to pretend you didn't see anything because it's none of your business.

SoupDragon · 12/07/2009 19:56

I think that the cheaters and those they cheated with are complete and utter w*nkers but it wasn't your place to tell their partners. The messenger is always shot.

ninedragons · 12/07/2009 19:57

You sound quite unbearably smug.

rookiemater · 12/07/2009 19:57

Does it really matter what we think when you are so convinced that you did the right thing ?

You know nothing about these people and their relationships other than the one weekend you saw. If one of their partners had asked you, then yes, perhaps at that point, it would have been called for to share the information, but just to tell them unprompted is nothing to do with truth or lies, just sanctimonious self righteousness.

othersideofthefence · 12/07/2009 19:57

You seem surprised to be public enemy no. 1. What did you expect to happen?
What you did was horrible

llareggub · 12/07/2009 19:57

I'd like t know what job involves a 10 day stay abroad? Sounds great.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/07/2009 19:59

Did they ask you whether their partners had cheated?

If not then no you are not a liar.

Original poster
DillyDollyDandy · 12/07/2009 19:59

I don't want to identify myself so I can't say. But I am prominent in my field.

OP posts:
dittany · 12/07/2009 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotalChaos · 12/07/2009 19:59

agree with Soupy. I'm not exactly overflowing with sympathy for the cheaters, but would have been sensible to keep stumm.

Hassled · 12/07/2009 20:00

You are wrong in every possible way. And I'm sure on some level you know that, or you wouldn't have posted. It was NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, and could only have caused a huge amount of pain. What your colleagues did was wrong, but they're adults with their own moral compasses. It's not up to you to decide what happens next.

moomaa · 12/07/2009 20:00

Yep. YABU, none of your business.

Wonderstuff · 12/07/2009 20:01

I'm inclined to agree with Lizzylou. Why on earth would you get involved? It isn't your life that is affected by the fall out here is it? You don't have to pretend you didn't see anything you just have to refrain from telling the whole world.

ruddynorah · 12/07/2009 20:01

you fool.

are you even friends with the two colleagues or their partners?

tennisaddict · 12/07/2009 20:01

you are a fucking madwoman

prominent in your field ?

junglist1 · 12/07/2009 20:02

Actually, you're only a little bit unreasonable. I've had friends cheated on who said they felt humiliated that so many people knew and nobody told them. They put themselves in that position the slappers I wouldn't have had the guts to do it though