To cringe at this article (free natural birth)

[boogiewoogie]

I couldn't help but feel but also sad when I read this article.

For a start, whilst sexual intercourse is often a necessary prerequisite although not always for birth to take place, giving birth itself is not a sexual experience!

She also says that a free birth is an open celebration of love and understanding but surely there are other ways and isn't having a child that has been conceived through love a celebration itself?

At the end she says that she has a fantastic relationship with this child and that it is different from her first therefor implying that her relationship with the first is inferior.

Am I also being naive in thinking that birth plans do not always go as planned? Okay, perhaps some of this is probably sour grapes but I am happy with the natural births that I had as they required little assistance.

The birth of course should be a pleasant experience and whilst it is nice to hear that she has had an amazing experience given her first birth, I just feel that a lot of women already feel stigmatised for having C sections and that articles such as this puts a lot of pressure on mothers to have a certain type of birth amongst other things to be a "model parent" whatever that may be.

She does say that she will be having a 'unassisted pregnancy'

However I think ths most shocking thing about this article is whatever she has put on her daughters head - thats what we should be judging her on!

I despair at women who criticise other women's birth experiences, whether positive or negative.

I had PTSD after my first birth and am now 32 weeks pregnant hoping for the lovely gentle birth described by this article. I'll be having midwifery support but I'm not going to sit in judgement on another woman.

The smugness is in all these self-righteous, bitchy posts, attacking a woman for her happiness, her children's names and what they wear.

Women really make me sick sometimes.

"At the end she says that she has a fantastic relationship with this child and that it is different from her first therefor implying that her relationship with the first is inferior.
"

That was the only thing I didn't like TBH. Very sad for the first child.

However the rest of it sounded OK. Just hope that it does go smoothly.

I'm ignoring the blinkered, uninformed and reactionary views of the men (hippy twats SGB? How gallant you are) for the simple sexist reason that their comments about birth are likely to be wrong. But women should know better.

I had DD1 in hospital, pretty straighforward but traumatic in some ways birth, DD2 and 3 born at home, there is no way I have a different relationship with DDs 2 and 3 than DD1 woman is an idiot.

I had a lovely HB with DD3, I knew my MW well she knew me and knew my preferences (give me the G&A leave me in a corner, don't touch me) and that's what she did, I had the bedside light on low and curled up on my v shaped cushion but I loved the fact a highly qualified MW I trusted was in the room just in case.

"When a mother is in good health, has had proper antenatal care and is giving birth to a full-term baby her chances of both of them coming through birth in good health are actually extremely high. Actually the research suggests that women who have BBA's ('Born before arrival', ie, their baby is born at home - unplanned - or on route to hospital)may even end up with fewer birth injuries and subsequent problems than women giving birth in hospital.
"

absolutely.... but BBA is not the same as freebirthing., especially if the mother has declined ante natal care

some problems will manifest themselves - i.e placenta previa can cause bleeding, which would indicate a problem and hopefully the woman would seek medical assistance during the pregnancy

some won't - i.e a transverse lie. MWs can make errors in assessing the position of a baby.. some babies move up until birth aswell.

"Sabire: but a lot of these hippy twats have no antenatal care"

Based on what evidence?

My understanding is that women who give birth in the UK who are most likely to have had no antenatal care are most likely to be a) very young b) women recently arrived from other countries c) women with a history of mental health problems and with prior contact with social services.

In other words, completely different from the woman in the article.

"When my waters broke and the contractions started, I just really chilled out and had a nap."

WHAT??! Had a nap?? I couldn't help laughing at this comment in the article. The last thing I felt like doing was napping when I was in such pain..

I think the last comment is a bit presumptious, more or less saying she will be having a free birth next time round (because ofcourse complications never happen).

PinkTulips I also agree with you on that point about the overuse of 'we' throughout the article. The Royal 'We'...
When did men give birth all of a sudden??? I must have missed that one...

The things which concern me are these... The I read a fw free-birth stories and was determined. She researched (presumably on internet). Anyway, regardless... it just smacked that she didn't really look into it as much as just want the exact opposite of what she had before (who can blame her).
2nd... The idea of having a totally unassisted PG (I know someone who did this pretty much, well with regard to scans). It seems very risky, and quite different from going into freebirth roughly knowing the state of things.

3rd... It is sad she feels that way about her DD1. But I can at least understand this. I don't think I ever properly bonded with DS. His birth was a haze of fake hormones and pain. My body was forced to give birth and I felt I had no responsibility for it, even down to being unsure DS was even mine. 2nd time round I was determined to have a natural birth with as little intervention as possible. I had it. I was ecstatic. Practically skipping about after I had DD. And I bonded instantly. I didn't even believe it as possible!! I had PND with both (more PTSD with DS), and it was ironically WORSE with DD... after all those happy hormones went away there was one hell of a slump!

YABVVVVVVVVVU
and judgmental
this is a woman's experience, and your response to it is snidey and unpleasant.
"giving birth itself is not a sexual experience!" er, who are are to decree on behalf of all women what birth is, or isn't? arrogant and sweeping.

chilled out... super... candles et al! Urg! Smug, smug, smug! And yes, it makes me feel inferior for having had an induction (obstretic cholestasis, and increased risk of stillbirth) AND begging for an epidural after 52 hours in labour.

No hassles for sharing her story, but she could have been more sensitive towards women who don't really have a choice.

PS - And I have a fantastic relationship with my little girl... after all the complications and all! She was the end result, and all that mattered in the end!

chilled out... super... candles et al! Urg! Smug, smug, smug! And yes, it makes me feel inferior for having had an induction (obstretic cholestasis, and increased risk of stillbirth) AND begging for an epidural after 52 hours in labour.

No hassles for sharing her story, but she could have been more sensitive towards women who don't really have a choice.

PS - And I have a fantastic relationship with my little girl... after all the complications and all! She was the end result, and all that mattered in the end!

the suggestion that 1 in 3 births is dangerous to mother and/or baby is a massive misunderstanding too.
the most significant risk in childbirth, and the one that used to cause high death rates,was infection.
the risks of infection is significantly higher in hospital births than at home

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Sorry, browser posted twice

Agree with you harpsie. This thread is horrible .

"And yes, it makes me feel inferior for having had an induction (obstretic cholestasis, and increased risk of stillbirth) AND begging for an epidural after 52 hours in labour."

But surely that is your issue, not hers.

"she could have been more sensitive towards women who don't really have a choice."

WHY? She was just relating her experience.
Why do women who have relatively easy labours have to be more sensitive?
Can they not just express what their experience was? It isn't their fault that someone else had a difficult labour is it?
This just comes up over and over again.

EVERYONE has different labours. One is not better than the other, but we ALL have a right to talk about it without being jumped on by someone who feels (as MICHKIT put it) 'inferior'.

harpsi and others, I am not criticising her choice of birth, I think I've said that already.

But I just don't agree on the parts of the article which I've already stated. To clarify further, I am not against free or natural birth and I am not resenting her for her experience. In fact I am in awe and only envious in the same way that other women feel when another woman they know is pregnant and they are not. My problem is that I don't like the smugness of the article, I don't like the last paragraph re her first child and I'm sorry I've said already that although there are undeniable similarities between sex and birth, I still would not describe it as such and even it I did feel that way, I would not air it as such.

Is it really unnatural to feel that way?

And I agree - this thread is full of horrible moany women (and men?) who for one reason or another feel the need to put this woman down saying she is a

'hippy twat'
'smug'
'Self-indulgent'
'silly woman'
'stupid, narcissistic cow'
'complete bitch'

Methinks you all sound just a teeny bit jealous.
Or else you are just complete bitches yourselves.

What is smug about it?

The article isn't attacking anyone or putting anyone down at all. It's recounting a wonderful experience. I wish my last birth had been so easy, and I'm glad that hers was.

Good for her. Shame on every jealous, snide, envious, bitchy comment in this thread. I'm sorry for the women who had traumatic experiences like me, but no-one is attacking you !

x-posted Holly!

i agree taht some of the language on here is unpleasant, childbirth stuff does bring out alot of craziness.

but come on the 'vowel sounds' bit? am i not allowed a wee snurk at that?

Many women give birth at home with no medical help - it just happens in poor countries. It is interesting to see this described as a luxury experience with an improved parent child relationship.

I think the point that OP was making is very relevant. There is a lot of pressure on mums to be 'perfect' and that includes having the 'perfect' birth. That isn't going to happen now all the time is it? Sure its a lovely story, but lets face it, the article is very self indulgent and a teeny bit judgemental.

Yes, its my issue about how I feel when reading the article, but she goes on about 'WE' all the time. That's generalising isn't it?

Plus, the last bit about the relationship with her older daughter is just cruel. Its a national newspaper and many many women reading this WILL be influenced by it. Sure its an opinion, but it is one that's in newspaper, not expressed privately to a group of friends. So she'll be used to people disagreeing with her.