To never want to fly again

[Gangle]

Rapidly developing a phobia of flying. Really don't feel it's safe and if I know I have to fly I tend to dread the holiday rather than looking forward to it. I have to fly for work from time to time which I mind less than flying with DS 15 months as I just feel so responsible for his little life. Should I pull myself together and get on with it or stick to my gut and not fly again unless I absolutely have to?

Aversecamber, unless there's turbulence, I don't tend to mind how long. it's the take off that kills me and sometimes the landing. I literally almost have a heart attack! I burst into tears last time - was holding onto DSs sobbing!

Loads of people have FOF. I think it would be great if someone from Virgin or BA came on here and did a Q & A.

Loads of people have FOF. I think it would be great if someone from Virgin or BA came on here and did a Q & A.

Google fear of fluing and you'll get a few useful websites by airline pilots. Could help.

Honestly, there isn't anything you could do if some drunken idiot mows you down with his car on the sidewalk or if you get a stroke while alone in the house.

I think the average is 2-3 crashes a year for major airlines, some years less than that. Millions of flights each year.

It's all about perceived lack of control, but would you really want to be in control of a plane? Leave it to people who are doing it for a living and would rather not die either.

And turbulence will not bring a plane down- unless it was totally freaky one combined with other factors.

Even a turbulence where overhead lockers are opening is classed as moderate- and not a danger to the aircraft.

I flew for the last time 31 years ago. I'll never fly again - I hate it.

This year I had holidays in Greece and Morocco. In previous years I've been to Turkey and Eygpt by cruise ship.

There are alternatives to flying.

I hate it too Sausage but do it when I absolutely have to but wondering if I should re-think that as the experience just terrifies me.

Gangle. Been there totally. Have got to the airport and refused to get on the plane. But let me talk some sense into you.

You are flying with three kids. Flying is phyically draining and demanding - reduced oxygen and all that. So it is natural to feel funny and sometimes we muddle that up with 'I feel funny so something must be wrong'. No, just reduced oxygen making your heart race a bit and you feel dizzy. Get a relaxation tape and practise using it. Concentrate on deep breathing at take off.

Doing it with 2 small DCs is really hard work. So it is going to be tough - accept that, and ensure you pack everything you can think of that will help. For long haul with small kids I pack surprise presents to open every couple of hours - nothing big but just something fun to occupy them. TV good too.

I find travelling with the kids helps me stay in control as I don't want to lose it in front of them.

I use Arg Nit 30c and I swear by it. You can buy in in most chemists. As with all homeopathic remedies, take it into a clean mouth ie nothing to eat or drink apart from water 10 minutes before and after taking it. Take a pill half a day before, 2 hours before, 1 hour before, at take off and then as you need. You can't overdose. It's transformed my flight experience and quite often I fly no with no adrenalin surge whatsoever.

So accept it will be tough, practise relaxation and take Arg Nit. Remember it is only for a few hours and the benefit of getting where you want to is worth it. Good luck.

Thanks all. Do you think it would be really weird if I asked the stewardess to sit next to me on take off and do you think she would?? Not sure if that will help anyway as I tend to think the plane will plummet and there will be nothing anyone can do about it (gahhh!). Does anyone else have anything positive they can tell me as I'm not sure I can bring myself to get on the plane. If it was just me then I wouldn't be that worried - it's just that I'm taking my two precious babies on board and can't bear the thought that I am risking their lives.

I hate it too. Despite spending years on slab sided ships that look like they shouldn't float with my dad, I still don't think planes should stay up! There is a little illogical part of me that can't get past it. I am also quite claustrophobic, so I hate the lack of control. I flew to Aus once and it was that that got me more than anything.

I do it, but don't like it.

You need to let go of the need to control your environment. I think I said it in my previous post- there are so many moments during a day when you think you can control it, but in fact it's then when most accidents happen.
You will be flying (I presume) with a good airline. The pilots know what they are doing- leave it to them to get you to your destination point.
You are NOT risking your children's lives. No more than when you're crossing the street (in fact, less so).
I'm sure you can tell the stewardess as you board that you get very anxious when flying and ask her to check up on you regularly.

Thanks Winny, that helps. Think I have to try to normalise it and stop seeing it as high risk, as I do. Just worried that the stewardess may think I'm a nut and not let me on the plane if I look too panicky (as I will!). Think I will ask her anyway.

She won't think you're a nut.

Btw I know where you're coming from as I went from flying every week for my job and also almost completing a flying course (on Cessnas) to being totally terrified after my children were born.

It took me a while to get back into it.

Mind you, DS loves flying now and last time was very disappointed the flight was smooth. He loves turbulence.

YANBU

i used to love flying, had a bad experience a few years ago and now i HATE it!

i always get myself in a state, we are going to australia in 10 days for chistmas, i am dreading the flight

I work for a company doing aircraft maintenance and completions, so I know a bit about what's going on and what the risks are. And I love flying. the risk of something happening is very, very low. Whenever you hear of some "emergency landing", "forced to divert due to technical issues" - those are in most cases "just in case" and not really dangerous situations.

oh and even if for some reason all the engines stop working, which is already very unlikely, the plane won't plummet. it will actually glide and it's totally possible to land the plane even if all engines have failed.

you are not risking your kids lives every time you are flying, as you say. it's a very safe environment and way less risky than our everyday lives.

I'd rather fly than get in a car. Far far more likely for something really horrible to happen in a car.

the problem is, often there is no logic to fear

for example, i have a friend who is terrified of spiders. telling her that they won't hurt her does not help, and in the same way when people tell me how safe flying is, i am not reassured.

It's odd the more I fly, the more I hate it, not that I fly often (I wish, ironically). I think it's the claustrophobia that does it for me rather than the altitude, I love taking off/landing.

I always find it comforting that the pilot/stewards aren't afraid to fly, they are much more likely to die in a plane crash than I am. I think you just have to take a philosophical approach, it's highly unlikely, but if it's you it's you.

Some things to ponder:

1. Pilots want to live too.

2. Have a look at the flight crew when it gets a bit bumpy. THey do not go a funny grey colour. It is simply not relevant to them, it's like going over bumpy rails in a train

3. Rememeber a really bad bump that you have encountered in turbulence. YOu know the one where you dropped 6 or 700 feet? It was likely to be about 30-50 feet in reality.

valium...it really is the only thing that helps me get through. I cannot do it otherwise.

It is a horrible fear to have.

Oh, yes, turbulence is without consequences.
I used to fly my little plane in December gales in New Jersey- it was like being on a rollercoaster! But it's safe.

(but keep your seatbelt on even if the light isn't on)

flight cabin crew