To never want to fly again

[Gangle]

Rapidly developing a phobia of flying. Really don't feel it's safe and if I know I have to fly I tend to dread the holiday rather than looking forward to it. I have to fly for work from time to time which I mind less than flying with DS 15 months as I just feel so responsible for his little life. Should I pull myself together and get on with it or stick to my gut and not fly again unless I absolutely have to?

Did y'all know that you can travel from St Pancras to Avignon (Southern France) we're doing it this year - £350 for 4 in august.
I am totally excited by idea of London-Provence door2door.

Can't wait till they join Barcelona up the the high speed line in Montpellier - not till 2020!

so glad there are other crazy non fliers - i did the FOF course - hahahahaha - out of everyone on the plane I was catagorically the most scared - I screamed all the way back to Gatwick - never flew again.

It's all about choice. I'd rather die in a car crash than a plane crash I think. Less time to think about it.

This statistics business is all very well, but there are numerous car crashes and not every one is fatal. I am aware that not all plane crashes are fatal either, but when suspended x 000 feet above the Atlantic and the plane packs in, the outlook is not hopeful.

With cars, at least the driver has a chance to swerve etc. The pilot is buggered if his instruments are playing up and he totally loses control.

There are also less passengers per car crash than per plane crash. And car crashes involve more user error rather than machine error - it is usually due to speed etc, which the guilty party has a choice over /chance to avoid. If everyone cut their speed by 10% I wonder what the effect on road safety would be. I can't think of an equivalent scenario for air travel.

And besides, the rail journey from Paris to Rome, as I outlined earlier and splodge has reiterated, is divine.

Its horrible having a fear of flying. I used to love flying and never thought twice about it, in fact if you had told me then that i would develop a fear of flying i would have laughed. I used to think that people who were scared of flying were a little pathetic

However after a very traumatic flight in which i was absolutely convinced i would die i developed a flying phobia. I think that unless people have experienced this phobia it is very hard to understand. Its all good and well reeling off statistics but it really does not help with the physiological aspect of it.

I still have to fly at least once a year as i live outside the UK and need to visit my family. The feelings that i have leading up to flying are terrible and i usually see aeroplanes/crashes every night in my sleep for weeks leading up to my flight.

Splodge2001 we did London-Avignon when DD was tiny! It is so quick - amazing, about 5-6 hours door to door. It would probably take you longer than that to fly if you include getting to the airport/parking/check-in...etc.

I love flying and fly a lot both for work and about once a month with my children. Rationally speaking it really is the safest place to be. I feel completely at peace and absolutely love being in air. However, I am terrified of lifts and rather walk 34 flights of stairs to a meeting(!) than go in a lift. Fears aren't always rational.

MrsSeanBean You are so right - my sentiments excatly. I gave up flying 30 years ago after a trip back from North Africa with an air hostess by my side encouraging me to breath as I was so petrified with fear I kept passing out! Never again!

Since then I have been all over Europe and to Eygpt.

Cruising is the civilised way to travel. Hop on at Southampton and go anywhere. No hassle, no fear. Long distance coach travel is also intesrting and gives you a sense of real travel - not the 'beam me up Scottie and drop me in some foreign land 3 hours later'.

Am definitely going to try rail too.

I travelled via coach to Germany. I wouldn't be in a hurry to do it again.

As we spent most of the time travelling through the night we had no idea where we were half of the time.
You'd stop at one of the many petrol stations and have to look at the magazines inside the shop to figure out if you were in France, Belgium or Germany.

Not keen on coach travel at all. Unable to really move and I think I would feel sick. Haven't done coach travel since I was probably 10 yrs. Hate it. BUT might go to Barnstaple that way this summer as there are no direct trains.

Barnstaple has a lovely little train though direct from the Exeter stations, I go up and down that route, it's very pleasant. Exeter is an easy place to change as the stations aren't huge.

Well I am obviously a much less nice partner. When i met ds he was terrified of flying and tried to sell me the idea of a driving/touring/camping holiday in France. Given that he doesn't drive either so that would leave me doing all the driving I was not impressed.

I told him quite clearly that I loved him but that I found it quite difficult to contemplate spending the next 30-40 years with someone who refused to ever get on a plane. I also pointed out that his job as a academic meant he might need to fly to conferences at some point - which ih=n fact he has done since.

He agreed to try a short flight to Greece and he got drugs (beta blockers) to help and he managed.

That was 10 years ago and over that time he has flown quite a lot and has gradually overcome the fear. Now he flys without the drugs and although he is still a nervous flyer he does fly without too much anxiety.

He actually got even better when ds was born as he found the distration of dealng with him on flights helped with the nervousness.

To add to MRS SEANBEAN's point the statistics aren't all that they seem. Normally these kind of fatality statistics are calculated on a 'per mile' of travel basis.

But guess what - airtravel nearly always involves many many miles so when you calculate on a 'per mile of travel' basis airtravel seems much more safe but the stats are skewed, you need to compare on a 'per journey' basis.

To illustrate the point - imagine a space rocket that goes on a journey of 1 million miles, and it crashes and all its 250 passengers die. On the per mile basis it has a fatality rate of 250/1,000,000 miles - not so bad but on a per journey basis it has a 100% fatality rate!!!!!!

Ok so the stats arent THAT skewed, but they are nontheless....

and on a plane you're not just merely dead but really quite sincerely dead!

Fennel Yes did it last year with ds. It took a very long time from London. (had to get to Padding first) More pleasent than going by car. This year DH & DS are camping without me and I'll be joining them on Thursday. If the coach (from Victoria) is quicker I'm going to go for it.

I've always wondered whether what Seanbean and Splodge say is the case - the per mile thing. Not that I'm afraid of flying, but it has occurred to me that per mile would be an unfair comparison.

I have a long standing fear of flying but I manage to get on planes as my dh loves his holidays. I take valium and drink red wine and go into my shell. I have reached the point that along with the terror, I actually find flying amazingly exhilarating at times - the mixture of fear and those incredible views of earth....you know you are alive on a plane.

My old friend will not get on a plane so the whole family is restricted to holidays in Europe via car/train. I can't afford cruises and I don't want to be on my deathbed, full of regrets that a fear of flying has stopped me from seeing this world - unless my deathbed is an plane cabin of course!

Donkeyderby, I think you are so right - I think my TOTAL fear of flying happened when my adrenalin-fuelled fear overtook my adrenalin-fuelled mixture of fear and exhilaration!

I still maintain that seeing the shadows of the Arctic mountains from thousands of miles above the Earth was one of the most amazing and unforgettable experiences of my life! .... but I just can't talk myself into getting on a plane again!

I used to hide in a book - especially on take off but the course psychologists said this works against you. Trying to pretend it isn't happening makes you magnify the fear. They said you should actually look out of the window. I tried it last time and it did seem to work. And as I said I was the drunk on valium so it might be worth trying.

Pity there aren't trains to American etc or I wouldn't willingly fly again.

Talk of the actual risk of death is totally irrelevant - I don't actually think that I will die on a plane,in fact I know I almost certainly won't. But try telling that to my stomach the day I before I fly anywhere, or my throat which won't let me swallow solid food the day of flying. It's horrible.

We did eurostar and the overnight trenhotel from Paris to Barcelona this year - was great. The travelling wasn't totally stress free (not much sleep to be had on a sleeper!) but the holiday was so relaxing, knowing that there was no need to fly home.

The downside is the cost - vastly more expensive than flying. Personally I think it's obscene that flying has been allowed to become so cheap while rail travel remains the preserve of either the rich or the extremely well organised.

I hate flying so I don't fly. And I don't need to justify that to anybody. If you didn't like beans you wouldn't eat them, would you.

Should mention that we took wonderful inspiration from the website/ book The Man in Seat 61, the bible for all non-flyers.

I totally hate flying but actually fly a lot both for work and having a lot of family overseas. Somestimes I take vallium but not as much as I used to before dd as I need to be reasonably alert.

As risks go, I know it's totally irrational. I do it regularly - but if the plane strats wobbing about I get very panicky and really struggle to hold it together.

yanbu. I also hate flying, and rarely get on a plane. The last time I did, the outward journey was so turbulent I virtually had a panic attack. Felt v sorry for my friend who had to sit next to me! And then we had to fly back after the holiday. Fortunately that flight was much better, but I still don't fancy flying again...

I've also thought about the cost aspect. European travel is about the same, maybe a bit more expensive IME.

If I fly again I think I would travel non-economy, maybe business class, (unfamiliar with options naturally).

As I need to travel by air (to USA) so infrequently (drugged up, every 5 years or so as I have family there) I would have ages to save up the £4k or whatever required.

But then I thought that for the same cost I could probably get a sea crossing on a liner. For even less you can travel on a cargo ship (Strand Travel do this).

Even the Titantic would not have been so disastrous if there had been enough lifeboats.

I just feel that with train or boat travel, the journey is an adventure in itself, and forms part of the holiday.

But flying has become so commodified it's just a horrible necessity that people need to drug themselves to get through.

I've used valium to fly too, though in my case I seem to be quite a valium havyweight and require 20mg which is much more then the teeny amounts they started me on.

One thing I have learned - all those lucky lucky barstewards who can sleep blissfully on planes have taken something.

MrsSeanBean Titantic!

Just resurrecting this very old post in an attempt to get some reassurance as I am supposed to be flying next week (long haul) ALONE with DS1, 2.8 months and DS2, 8 months, and am already having nightmares about it. I am still convinced the plane is going to fall out of the sky. The only thing that makes me feel slightly better is to think of all the other awful things that can happen to you (optimistic, hey!) that you don't give a moment's thought to. Still, I just hate hate hate feeling the sheer utter fear of something awful happening and not being able to do anything to protect my babies. I torture myself by thinking how I would try to save them. Awful.