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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is INCREDIBLY rude?!

102 replies

Disenchanted3 · 11/07/2009 11:47

I was walking round a carboot this morning DH was at a stall buying crap so I walked on with DD,

2 rather portly women walked up to mea and one handed me a leaflet and the converstaion folled as such ...

Her : "Hello, can I interest you in joing my weight loss programme?"

Me -

Her - "Don't look so offended, we are trying to help you"

Me - -

Her - just staring at me.

I handed the leaflet back and said "Thanks, made me feel great about myself today'

Her " cheer up, why don't you smile, you have a beautiful daughter"

and she walks away.

I won't lie, I filled up, I was feeling pretty good this morning, I'd put a dress on for the first time in a while and it was sunny, I was happy until she came over, then had the cheek to say 'cheer up!'

DH was fuming when he found out why I was upset,

AIBU to think that weigh loss services are sought out by people who want to loose weight and people should not 'target' people they percieve as overweight and offer them this service??

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 11/07/2009 17:39

they said "we are trying to help you" though Soupy. I think that's inappropriate and insulting.

verygreenlawn · 11/07/2009 17:40

Greensleeves, my ds1 had a huge birthmark like that on his arm! I think my favourite comment was "did he shut his arm in the door?"

SoupDragon · 11/07/2009 17:41

[shrug] Not in my mind it isn't. Saying "No, you really should take one" is rude.

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 11/07/2009 17:41

Good for you soup.

But 98% of people on here seem to agree with me,

so by the rules of the 'AIBU' Section I deem myself NOT BU.

Actually thinking about it people would probably, by todays weight standards, say I had more to loose than 1.5 stone, but my goal is 11 stone, the weight i was when i got married

OP posts:

Silver1 · 11/07/2009 17:46

It was rude to approach you unsolicited
It was rude to push when you said no
It was rude to suggest you needed them.

Yes it was rude.

TDiddy · 11/07/2009 17:53

Go back and say "no thanks, as the programme didn't work on you two"

TsarChasm · 11/07/2009 17:58

Don't be down Disenchanted. Those women were being totally awful, tactless and overbearing and couldn't see past pressganging people into their wretched slimming club.

As was pointed out earlier, you don't sound like you have much to lose at all and it's probably only you that thinks so anyway. Women are notoriously hard on themselves about weight. And some women to each other it seems Take no notice.

Even if you do want to lose a few pounds it has to be when you feel ready to do it.

Post babies I just didn't have the motivation or strength to even attempt it for ages and ages. I couldn't possibly have taken on one more thing to do.

I feel quite sad to think how hard some women can be on each other, really I am

ButterflEi · 11/07/2009 18:10

how bloody rude!!
i would have said something equally as rude to the meddling old cows!!
dis you are lovely as you are and if you decide that YOU feel the need to shed a few pounds then that s 100% YOUR choice and shouldnt be pushed on you by people who feel they 'are helping'
i am quite overweight for my height (BMI of 34 ) and i know i need to 'shift the lard' as moondog so eloquently puts it i am overweight due to a mixture of crash diets/long term dieting, gaining a huge amount of weight following the birth of my DD as i was eating like a pig ravenous whilst BFing, and i have underactive thyroid aswell. i have been struggling ith my weight for all of my adult life and more prominently the past 3 years and it seems to want to stay as nowt i do helps!! it isnt easy to lose weight (it is however very easy to gain it) and many over weight people are not that way by choice. it is very short sighted and narrow minded to assme pople are fat because they cant be arsed being thin!! it is noone elses right to make comment on another persons appearance and push their misconceptions in their faces in an attempt to 'help'
humph...
xx ei xx

rolledhedgehog · 11/07/2009 18:15

Someone handed me a leaflet in Regent Street once and started telling me about a hairdressing salon. I said 'Oh I am growing my hair' and he said 'hmmm it looks a mess.'

I am afraid I told him to feck off.

TDiddy · 11/07/2009 18:21

DW and I once went to a secure hospital to see a friend who had a breakdown. We stayed on past visiting hours. When it was time to leave they wouldn't let me out but waived DW through . They thought I was trying to escape (!!!) - I didn't find it as funny as I do now. They had to check with senior staff before I was finally let out. I hasten to add that I do not look disturbed in any way!

TDiddy · 11/07/2009 18:22

waived waved

squirrel42 · 11/07/2009 18:28

When I was at uni I had someone from the LGBT society walk up to me after a lecture and ask whether I was interested in joining them. Yes I had short hair at the time and was wearing an army-surplus style jacket but I wasn't wearing a "Hi I'm a lesbian" badge or anything!

Assumptions often come back to bite you in the ass...

nooka · 11/07/2009 19:08

I think if you made such a face that they commented on it, perhaps it is not surprising you got a follow up comment. I expect that they thought you were rude too, and I am sure that they didn't expect to upset you.

Having said that I'm not keen on leaflet pushers of any variety. But usually a smile and no thank you is enough for them to pass on their way with pleasantries all round.

Original poster

Disenchanted3 · 11/07/2009 19:10

It was shock nooka, I was expecting to be asked to join some church or something!!

And I couldn't hide feeling hurt,

it wasn't rudeness just a reaction.

OP posts:

nooka · 11/07/2009 19:22

Sorry, I wasn't trying to say that you were necessarily rude, but you might have come across that way, and the lady in question might have been a bit thrown, hence her rather crass follow up. I don't know, I have met some members of groups who can get a bit evangelistic about spreading their message.

ConnieComplaint · 11/07/2009 20:14

There's a wee shop in our local mall which sells chinese herbal medication....

They had a huge sign outside selling weightloss tea & some kind of tablet thingy... It said lose 1 stone in 6 weeks.

They were handing out leaflets one day & the lady actually called after me, "Excuse me lady, you didn't get a pamphlet." and came running over, 'helpfully' giving me one..

ANother day I was in the mall when she saw me again, she smiled, then made a huge overdramatic sad face and announced, "Oi, lady, you not try the tea?"

She might as well have said, hey, you're still obese!!

TDiddy · 11/07/2009 20:27

Connie- Sorry but your accent above is very funny. YOu have got to think of something funny/one-liner to say to her next time you bump into her.

kerrrrching · 11/07/2009 20:29

it was rude what the woman said to you and i know exactly how you must have felt because your earlier comment of "its not like i am 15 stone or anything like that" was like a kick in the stomach to me.

but hey ho i have already managed to drop the first half a stone through ww, it wont be easy but i cant wait for the day when noone judges me based on my size (well maybe not nobody but ykwim)

ConnieComplaint · 11/07/2009 20:41

Kerrrrching, I'm sure OP didn't mean it like that

I mean, a tall person can carry 15 stone off beautifully, I, all of 4ft nothing, would look ridiculous at 15 stone.

Tdiddy, I'm a bit pants at one liners I'm afraid!! Will just hide behind huge posts in the mall next time

LIZS · 11/07/2009 20:42

yes it is rude, patronising and unnecessarily pointed but that is marketing I'm afraid. Little point in them trying to sell their programme to skinnies. They will have handed out loads (expecting only a small response for their effort and maybe working for commission) so try not think of it as personally targetted.

Lots of products prey on fears and vulnerability , think of life insurance , anti aging creams and so on. However if it hadn't hit a sore spot you would n't have felt so offended. Recently you've posted a few times about various aids to weight loss so it is something on your mind and bothering you, perhaps undermining your confidence, whether you acknowledge it or not, and whether now is the right time for you to address it or not. I hope your dh is as supportive of you at your present size.

kerrrrching · 11/07/2009 20:48

sorry did not mean to make out like i thought the op was rude, lets face it at over 15 stone i am fat (even though in my defense i am 6'0). i just meant that people can be insensitive without meaning any malice.

anyway i would get the last laugh if the op did kick me in the stomach as she would lose her foot

independiente · 11/07/2009 21:30

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to feel put out. But beyond that, there comes a point at which you make yourself feel even worse by not just letting it go. We all come up against similar situations in life - it might not be weight, it might be something else. Okay it's annoying, but don't let it be endlessly annoying. My apologies if that isn't what you wanted to hear.

MummyAnnabella · 11/07/2009 21:46

i got given a leaflet outside a gym when 6 momths pg-

me(handing it back) - i'm not fat i'm pregnant

him (would be a him!) - hold on to it you will need it soon enough

me (hormonal and annoyed) - hold on to your head cause i am going to rip it off

simplesusan · 11/07/2009 22:33

YANBU-how rude.

Sending you a hug x

nappyaddict · 11/07/2009 22:55

I would have kept the leaflet and then complained to the company they were trying to advertise.

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