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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

jobs for the kids

40 replies

mumzy · 11/07/2009 08:50

AIBU to expect my dc (8yrs & 5yrs) to help out by doing some basic chores such as putting away their clean laundry, tidying up at bedtime, unloading the dishwasher at weekends, vacumming the stairs once a week, clearing the table after mealtimes. We've tried to get them to do these jobs and met with full scale rebellion or the jobs being done really badly. What does everyone else do and do you link it with pocket money?
I did loads of chores when I was growing up and it was the norm then for children to help out. Is this generation growing up too pampered?

OP posts:
LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 11/07/2009 08:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all even tho I am sure I read a thread on here in which posters said that children should be allowed to be children yadda yadda yadda but I don't think tidying up or unloading dishwasher is exactly slave labour. If they won't co-operate could you stop doing something for them. i.e if they won't unload the dishwasher then you won't cook for them.

rubyslippers · 11/07/2009 08:53

YANBU

have you showed them how to do the jobs??

a 5 year old may not meet your adult standards but it is important to show willing i think

Frizbe · 11/07/2009 08:53

No your not! my dd's age three and five tidy up before bedtime, ss aged just 11 will happily hoover his room and dust it (his mum has trained him well ) We link it with treats for the younger girls and pocket money for ss. I can say I have had quite a few work experience kids through work recently though, who have never hoovered or dusted in their lives, the look of shock on their faces is rather

Sibble · 11/07/2009 09:00

YANBU I have the same recurring conversation in my house. My ds's are 4 (nearly 5) and 9. I do pay them pocket money depending on how many of their 'jobs' they've done. I know somebody will come on here and say children should be children and it's everybody's house so they shouldn't eb paid etc etc but it works for us. They are motivated to help, they spend the money on buying things I'd probably buy anyway, I don't get mega grumpy because I'm the only one seemingly doing everything around the house. The way I see it we all get paid for work we do in some way and if me paying them a small sum for doing something I don't need to do so makes my life easier everybody's happy.

The feed the chooks, move the goats, make their beds, clear the table, put their dirty clothes in the laundry. Not too much but if they don't do it, their pocket money is affected.

Kbear · 11/07/2009 09:05

My kids help out too, usually Saturday mornings DS (7) will dust the living room and hoover downstairs. DD does the dishwasher most evenings (I just have to mention school trip to France and she remembers she is FOREVER in my debt for letting her go LOL) and we have a bit of community tidying up of bedrooms before bedtime. They also bring washing in off the line and DD hangs it out (she's 10). They both take the recycling out and bring the bins back up the path after the dustbin have emptied them.

I don't want my kids thinking that mum does everything and they can sit and do nothing - few chores won't hurt them.

Kbear · 11/07/2009 09:05

...dustmen... have emptied them!! LOL

FAQinglovely · 11/07/2009 09:10

I think you're being a tiny bit UR to expect the jobs to be done particularly well however you're are definite NBU by expecting them to at least help/try

My DS's are expected to help as well - and it's not linked to pocket money - we don't do pocket money in this house (well we've escaped so far - DS1 nearly 9 )

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/07/2009 09:35

FAQ, i don't do pocket money either and ds1 is almost 11.

gorionine · 11/07/2009 09:52

We do not do pocket money here either.

What they do? nearly nothing IMHO far too much in theirs:

DD1(10yo)
She helps setting the table before meals at the week-end, tidies the bedroom with her brothers and hoovers when I am desperate!She also makes wonderful cups of tea for me and sometimes helps with the breakfast.

DS2 (8yo)
He does the bedroom and brings back upstairs empty laundry baskets, often makes toast for his siblings after school.

ds3 (5yo)
He does the bedroom with the others, brings me things when asked to.

dd4 (2 1/2yo)
"helps" everyone!

All of them do help with the cooking now and again, when they are begging mind !

hippipotamiHasLost44lbs · 11/07/2009 09:56

I am heartened by those of you who don't do pocket money. Ds is nearly 10, dd is 6 adn we have just not got round to doing pocket money. They forget to ask, we forget to give so it just never happened.

What do my two do round the house:
Lay the table before dinner and help clear it afterwards
Tidy away all their toys and stuff before bed
Help put away laundry at the weekends
Feed the cat and dog and refresh their waterbowls
Water the garden and the potted plants by the front door
Ds will also tidy and dust his room (badly)

However, I have to ask them to do this, they never think 'oh we are about to have dinner I will lay the table'. We are working on that

gorionine · 11/07/2009 10:01

Hippo, I have to ask too, it would not even cross their mind to do it otherwise! Exept for the tea and toasts!

hippipotamiHasLost44lbs · 11/07/2009 10:11

That makes me feel better

herbietea · 11/07/2009 10:20

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gorionine · 11/07/2009 10:27

Oh yes, credit where it is due, DD1 and DS2 also pop to the corner shop for me!

Kbear · 11/07/2009 10:46

My kids don't have pocket money either, but they get their fair share of dosh spent on them one way or the other (ie £315 France trip,ballet, brownies, beavers, icecreams etc etc), just not cash in their hand.

I do remind them that me and DH both work for our money and this house costs a lot of money etc etc - they need to know it doesn't come free. We are a family and we all have to contribute something so getting DD to make me a coffee when I ask her or taking washing upstairs etc is just part of being in the family and helping out and I'm not paying them for it!

Kbear · 11/07/2009 10:47

oh the bliss of having a child old enough to make you coffee or go to the shop!

gardeningmum05 · 11/07/2009 10:53

my ds 11 brings me a cup of tea in bed each morning.
my ds and dd 9 feed the cat, set the table, hoover, dust occasionaly and put the bins out. water my garden if need too.
not to much to ask IMO

gorionine · 11/07/2009 11:13

Gardeningmum, I knew I was doing something wrong by waking up before the DCs in the morning!

Kbear, we are a large family too, and I have the same approach WRT helping each other because it is the right thing to do rather than because they will get money for it.

Saying that, I have got a lot of friends who do "pay" their children for doing houshold chores and it does work very well too.

nkf · 11/07/2009 11:26

They will do the jobs badly. They're only young.

I think they should do some as soon as they are able but I'm rubbish at things like rotas and official duties. I bribe them sometimes.

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 11/07/2009 11:34

No pocket money here either.

Ds will be 11 neext month and does the recycling. He used to hoover the stairs, but he'll let anything slip if he can. He used to tidy Dd's toys for me, but that has stopped.

He makes more mess than ever and I've let everything slide too, so am setting a very poor example. I blame MN!

cat64 · 11/07/2009 11:44

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bradsmissus · 11/07/2009 11:47

My DD does jobs and gets pocket money but the 2 are not linked IYSWIM. She is nearly 11.

She is fairly easy going and will do most things when asked. She can iron but I don't ask her to. She will lay the table, help with dinner and get washing in from the line. She also helps with the Saturday morning clean up! However, her own room is really untidy and I don't fight with her about it as long as dirty clothes go in the laundry and clean clothes are put away.

Pocket money is not dependant on doing anything specific and I have never used it as a bargaining tool. I give her pocket money because she wants to be able to save for holiday spending money and so she can buy the odd items of clothing herself. We have a very small family so she hardly ever gets money from birthdays/xmas etc. (How does that happen, one of her friends recently had enough birthday money to buy himself a DS!!!)

This seems to work well for us. Some weeks I have to say no pocket money as we are a bit skint and she understands this, she sees it as an extra and understands the concept of having to cut back if money is tight.

I just re-read this and it all sounds very intense. It's not really!

gardeningmum05 · 11/07/2009 13:52

gorionine...it was the best thing i ever did teaching him to make a cup of tea
io taught him to boil a cup of water in the microwave at first as he was 8 when he started and i didnt trust him to do it with a kettle.
go on, get your teaching head on, its sunday tomorrow

Starbear · 11/07/2009 14:04

Not teaching children now will mean you'll be the hated PIL when your time comes.

gorionine · 11/07/2009 14:20

DD makes me cups has been making cups of tea for me for quite a while , just not early in the morning though . She is making me one as we speak!