My mother is driving me nuts, crazy, insane - sometimes, as much as i love her, i don't think she is very nice

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

My mother!!!

We all have a bug, i really don't feel well. Her dog has been a bit under the weather, but really he is fine, he can wait to see the vet, its not urgent.

But she is now accusing her next door neighbour of poisoning the dog. I am an ex vet nurse, and his symptoms are no way indicative of any form of poisoning. Really though, its all irrelevant, my mother just has to have it in for someone and it would appear to be this poor womans turn.

I have just had my mum on the phone ranting on about this. The thing is, my mum's neighbour is indian and a very sweet lady. She is however extremely shy and i think she has some mental health issues possibly. She doesn't speak very good English at all - her husband is a bit of a pig (i know this because her Son is my DDs best friend and he hates his dad - whole different issue though). So instead of feeling sorry for this woman, my mother is being vile.

The lady is terrified of my mum's dog, she is scared of dogs full stop. I think she does tease him a little, over the fence - but i wonder if she thinks barking at him will quiet him down a bit, he does tend to bark at her alot - her DD did used to bartoo, but really, its not a big deal. I think in their way, they are trying to be friendly to the dog.

I have just had to cut my mum short, she is making horrible racist comments and accusing the woman of poisoning her dog.

This is just one of the long list of stuff my mother goes on about. Yes she is lonely but she is her own worst enemy - she has fallen out with pretty much all of her family, and those she hasn't fallen out with give her a wide birth - she makes Catherine Tate's "GRAN" look like hyacinth bucket! I do go out of my way to help her and involve her with our family stuff, i only live around the corner.

I have just had enough of this now - i have mental health issues of my own and i don't need this stress just now. I'm ill and i don' want to get involved in all this dog bullshit.

PS = the only reason i mention the neighbours nationality is because of my mums horrible remarks.

i have just re read my post - i am not illiterate, although my spelling and grammar would suggest as much

You can't control your mum and you shouldn't feel you have to look after this other lady, however much you feel sorry for her. Just refuse to get involved in any way. Cut her short and put the phone down if necessary, each and every time she starts on one of her campaigns. If you stop being a willing audience she will stop performing. You don't have to be rude but just have something urgent to do.

That is absolutely sensible lady, but she just manages to press my buttons and make me feel like a bad daughter all the time.

Ah then you probably want to look at the "But we took you to stately homes" threads about toxic parents.

i have thought about it lady, but there is just so much of them!! lol Also, i just want to be able to step back from it all. My mum was a good mum, the best she could be - but fuck me, she can be a bitch.

Well you know, being a good mum does not involve pressing your daughter's buttons to make her feel like a bad daughter.

lol, no it doesn't. She knows i hate racism, and the reason?? Because my mum has a medical condition that makes her skin so dark that she is taken for a black person. Over the years she has been the victim of racial abuse, even had a knife pulled on her once and told to "fuck off back where she comes from" For her to be saying the same thing about her neighbour is just madness! I don't get it, surely she must understand how vile those sort of comments are.

Thing is with my mum, if the woman was fat and ginger and not indian, she would be calling her a fat ginger bitch - iyswim.