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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I probably am but DS1 found out his new class today and not one of his closest friends is with him.

26 replies

merlin · 09/07/2009 16:23

OK, he doesn't seem that bothered at the moment, so why has it upset me?!!!! This is going up to yr4 and he has been part of the same little group of 4 friends since Reception. Even in Yr3 when they were mixed up for the first time he still had one of them with him.

I just feel a bit sad for him - I know they will still meet up at playtimes etc and he can now forge some new friendships - but just needed to tell someone!

little ramble over .........

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RumourOfAHurricane · 09/07/2009 16:25

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Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 16:27

Thanks diamond.

I know, I know, just seems very unfair that he is the one left out!

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sarah293 · 09/07/2009 16:32

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FlyMeToDunoon · 09/07/2009 16:35

When I taught I seperated one little boy fron his group of friends because they were really distracting him from his work. I'm not saying that this is the reason but the teachers may have class dynamics in mind.

Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 16:36

Yes, it does seem mean Riven - but I guess they have to consider so many other things to get the balance right in the class that friendships are low down on the list.

Hey, ho - large glass of wine for me later and I'll be fine! Will have to start practising my playground etiquette again with a new bunch of Mums and their brats charming offspring.

OP posts:
Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 16:37

Flyme - that was my first thought but he currently only has one of the friends in his class - just seems odd that they've ALL ended up together now except him.

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FlyMeToDunoon · 09/07/2009 16:53

So they have mixed the classes the last two years running?
Hmmm something not working somewhere or do they do it regularly in all the classes?

Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 16:57

Flyme - Yr 3 (which is where he is currently) was the first time they were mixed up and were asked to give some names of who they would like to be with.

I guess from Yr 4 on they are considered old enough to cope! Just thought maybe one of his good friends would be with him but this is a year of 4 classes so I appreciate it must be a headache to organise!!

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sarah293 · 09/07/2009 16:58

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snorkle · 09/07/2009 17:13

My dcs school mixed them up every year from 3-6. By the end they all knew everyone which was really nice.

Bonneville · 09/07/2009 17:19

This happened to me and I hated it. Didnt think this still went on. Its cruel and dosent have to be like that I mean its not rocket science to put at least two of them together. I dont think this should be allowed unless there is absolutely no alternative.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/07/2009 17:22

Thankfully it's deliberate in Yr7 so that everyone (and not just the little cliques from primary) gets included in the first few days.

DD had taster day at secondary today and was terrified as knew noone but they were all mixed up in class so she had people to talk to by the end of the day.

annmar · 09/07/2009 17:27

We've just found out that DD1 will be in a mixed Reception/Yr1 class next term.

She will be Yr1 and none of her friends from reception will be in her class.

The split has been done purely on date of birth.

I feel so sorry for her as she can't understand why she's not going to be in Yr1 like all friends.

Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 18:38

Annmar - that is awful for your daughter (and you!).

I am trying not to think about it but the more i do the more it is bothering me now - I'm going to have to ask the school if it was deliberate for some reason.

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Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 18:42

Oh - forgot to say - to make matters worse the two boys he does know a little from his current class are both a bit naughty. Now, DS1 is no angel but he is easily distracted and this is the problem we have had in Yr 3.

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Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 18:42

I hate bloody schools!

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hocuspontas · 09/07/2009 18:46

Laurie, I see you are in Herts - dd3 had her taster day today as well. It wasn't H & E by any chance?

clam · 09/07/2009 18:46

Laurie - I think, from a previous thread that your DD and mine are starting the same school. There are 7 girls from one local primary all in the same house!!!

RustyBear · 09/07/2009 19:04

There's so much to consider when setting up classes for the new year - balancing girls & boys, getting a good ability balance, trying to split combinations that distract each other, working out where to put children who need more support - they may need to be split between classes so as to spread the load for the teacher, or possibly put in the same class so they can share the TA, sometimes friendships can't always be catered for.

We have had situations where a parent has begged for their child to be kept with their best friend, and 3 weeks into the new year the pair are at daggers drawn.

And then there was the time when a parent made a formal complaint because her child had been split from their best friend - what the teacher couldn't tell her was that the other child's parents had requested that they be split up.

There are occasionally some more vulnerable children who won't cope very well with being split from their best friend & the teachers try to allow for this, but mostly children manage very well - you say your son doesn't seem bothered, so he may well actually enjoy being with new people.

Perhaps you could ask a few of his new classmates over during the holidays, so they have shared things to talk about when they go back to school.

Original poster
merlin · 09/07/2009 19:13

Thanks for the explanation Rustybear - but despite it - and I REALLY DO understand all the reasons given - it still seems odd that out of their little group of 4, three are in the same class and he is on his own.

I know I must get over it!!!!! he is fine about it!

OP posts:
Firawla · 09/07/2009 19:55

yes, you would have thought they could split the group 2&2 but rusty's reasons make sense and atleast he is not upset thats the main thing. so yanbu but maybe over reacting

HerHonesty · 09/07/2009 20:00

bless, you are not being unreasonable at all! just worrying, like any mother would. not sure there is much you can do, its just life!

LongDroopyBoobyLady · 09/07/2009 20:02

This happened to DS going into Yr3 but despite complaining to the Head about it I have to say she did us a huge favour. The teacher he had was brilliant and the other class was beset by behavioural problems, teacher not so good, etc. DS had a great Year 3 and, on reflection, I think it was DH and I that had the issues not DS - he just got on with it.

ihatemyjob · 09/07/2009 20:16

I am dreading this happening to my son next week. He has 3 close friends and I can just see him being on his own. I know he will make friends really easily but I think it will be sad if he hasn't got one of them.

He was split up frome his best friend going from school nursery to reception and was fine but now I know most of the children in the year and he has definitely chosen some lovely kids.

My sister works in a 3 form entry school who mix their classes every 2 or so years and they always ask the kids to name 2 friends they would like to be with and they try and get them at least one. I asked the deputy at my son's school if they would do this and they said oh yes they will keep friends together. But his teacher is quite is very vague and sometimes does not seem to know who his friends are, so we shall see.

cory · 09/07/2009 22:07

Our junior school does this every year. But then again, they set for maths and literacy and science- so you are working with children from other classes anyway half the time.

Ds won't be with his best mate even when they are in the same class, because they are in different sets; otoh he will be with some of his other mates from different classes iyswim.

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