AIBU - family visitors are coming - but haven't spoken to us?

[daffodill6]

DP and I gather that SIL + 2 DCs (16 & 14)have booked flights and are coming to stay with us in early September. We have had no phone calls from her since New year - not a major problem , not particularly close.

10 days ago she told her mum that flights were booked, news was relayed to us, apparently our email address was lost so email sent to another (dippy) sister, with a request to forward it.

Tonight I have received the forwarded email, and have been seething ever since. What happened to courtesy? They are coming for 10 days, just at the time DD starts secondary school and we all get into a new routine - so not ideal.
Am I really being unreasonable to think this is v bad mannered and cheeky - DH dislikes conflict and will find it hard to remonstrate - (but I will find a way!)

I would "suddenly" remember you already have visitors that week and invite somebody else to stay

don't invent a trip of your own, as they may suggest staying in your empty house

that is bollox behaviour from them, who the fuck do they think they are ?

Is this an annual holiday they take to visit you or the first? Did you ever invite them?

YANBU if this is a 'surprise' visit - that is just plain rude but if you invited them or agreed to it at some earlier point then you may have brought it on youself.

YANBU. Even if they had lost your e-mail/phone no. they should have got them off the other sister and then contacted you BEFORE booking tickets. Plus, 10 days is a long time - not like they are just popping over for the weekend or something. Do you think they thought you'd say no so avoided asking until it was a done deal?

They last visited for Xmas 2005 ish with no 'communication' problems then.

General open invitation to come and stay as there is with the rest of the family - but everyone else has discussed via phone mutually suitable dates etc. .. As you would IME ??

Even with an open invite you still expect some communication about when and how long. Plus if they can contact other family members there's no way they couldn't get hold of you if they wanted.

Not sure if you will get any responses where someone could justify this behaviour. YANBU and you cannot let them do this, or you will have set a precedent.

Seuss - email address I can understand losing but v easy to get phone number from at least 8 relatives. I'm v shocked as she is not normally 'difficult' or bad mannered, but her DP has many different views from others in the family, although he is not coming. Really don't get it but I've asked DP to speak to her - his sister - firstly his problem. Then we'll see.

If they'd been a bit more organised & asked first would you want them staying?

If so, maybe a gentle remonstrance of the 'good job Dippy Sister let us know since you couldn't be arsed, eh?' manner might be in order.

Having made the point I'd then put them up rather than have years of ill-feeling tbh, especially if dh will leave it to you to be the 'bad guy'!

If it's really bad timing you'd be quite within your rights to tell them to re-organise their flights, though.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Glad its not just me and DP!!
Think I'm probably stuck with the inevitable vist - but I'll make sure the message gets back. And its on my terms when they get here! I'll let you know any updates

Yeah - I think I'd let the visit happen but make it clear she has been a bit rude and it's not great timing. Sounds a bit wierd if she isn't normally like that.

Could you send them an email/leave them a phone message and pretend that you haven't seen the full details yet. Especially if you have a different email address so it is not coming from the one that the other sil sent an email to you on!

So say that you understand they are planning on coming to stay in the UK and want to stay with you at some point, that it would be lovely to see you and that xx-yy-zz dates would be fantastic, but that aa-bb-cc dates would be difficult as you are already booked/starting school/ etc.

Send it quickly, then, an hour or two later send a second email saying that your emails had crossed, you have just seen their dates and that oh-dear-bit-difficult-you-have-chosen-a-really-bad-time-but-hey-ho-guess-we-will-sort-something-out. .. And then sort out as much (or little!) as you want...

will they want to stay with you the entire time of their visit - can they stay with someone else (PIL/SIL?) at the beginning so that you can get into a better routine to start with?

good luck - forgot to say at beginning that no, the are being VU. What would have happened if you had already got plans that could not have been altered? They would have had to have made alternative arrangements.