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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a little annoyed at SIL

15 replies

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 18:32

sil rang this morning (dh sister) i answered the phone & was pleased to hear it was her i said "ah hello" (in a really cheery voice) but all she said was hi is dh there i said hang on a second & ill get him , turns out she had a bit of bad news & said to dh she wanted to tell him first
sil always rings me for chats & when she is down & i spend hours at times talking to her on phone so AIBU to think i was made feel like an outsider . i have been with my dh for 17 years so its not like i am a newcomer to the family . after she spoke to dh she did ask for me to get back onto the phone & when i did she apologized for treating me like that.

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/07/2009 18:33

depends on the news really. I know if I was, for example, giving news of a bereavement I would give it first to the relative.

limonchik · 06/07/2009 18:33

YABU - she had bad news and wanted to speak to her brother. I don't see the problem.

Lulumama · 06/07/2009 18:33

if you have had a great relationship for this long and she has just had some awful news YABU to get angry at her for wanting to speak to her brother first

if she is having a hard time, give her your support

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 06/07/2009 18:35

She did apologise...... Don't see the problem?

Everyone has off moments, at least she cleared it up

Original poster

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 18:40

no bereavement , just a family member having tests in hospital ,
all of dh brothers & sisters treat their in- laws the same as i once spoke to two other sister-in-laws of dh & they seemed very fed up with this treatment , dh & his family are not very close .

OP posts:

RenagadeMum · 06/07/2009 18:41

I love my SIL but would want to give any really bad news directly to my brother. And I don't think I would be offended if this happened with me and my husbands sister even though we are best friends.
YABU if you make this an issue even though there has been an apology.

Original poster

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 18:59

ren i would never make an issue of this just wanted to get others opinions , just felt a little bit hurt .
lulu i am always there with support for dh family but they dont return support , they are the kind of people that only phone up when they want to talk about themselves . half of them dont talk to each other , its very complicated

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 06/07/2009 19:01

lots of families revert to a sort of strange unspoken etiquette around things like bad news

I think it means nothing whatsoever about your place in the family or your SIL's feelings about you - just something people do on autopilot.

warthog · 06/07/2009 19:02

don't be hurt - she apologised so obv knew she was a bit off. cut her a bit of slack.

piscesmoon · 06/07/2009 19:17

If it is really bad news then you want to tell the right person first. When my DH died my mother was with my aunt, who answered the phone in a cheery way-I cut her off and asked to speak to my mother-I couldn't have told my aunt first. I wouldn't have expected my aunt to get upset!
I had to tell DHs parents-I just instinctively felt it best to speak to FIL first.
If it is bad news it isn't a time to take something personally when it isn't meant that way.

Original poster

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 19:33

oh piscesmoon im so sorry for your loss ,
SIL was not upset on phone , she has often rang me b4 crying & only wanted to talk to me ( never asked for dh is what i mean ) which is probably why i felt kind of hurt this time , i have tried so hard with dh family but they just seem to have a way about them that makes you feel like an outsider ,

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 06/07/2009 20:02

If she prefers to speak to you sometimes that shows that you have a good relationship-there are times when you just want the other person-I shouldn't read too much into it.

piscesmoon · 06/07/2009 20:02

If she prefers to speak to you sometimes that shows that you have a good relationship-there are times when you just want the other person-I shouldn't read too much into it.

Original poster

woodlands35 · 07/07/2009 10:41

yeah pisces your probably right , i reckon sleep deprivation has (dd not sleeping)
has muddled my brain

OP posts:

zeke · 07/07/2009 11:23

I really don't see any problem with that at all. She even asked to speak to you afterwards to apologise!

It was totally appropriate that she didn't engage in conversation and gave the news to your DH first.

My FIL sometimes asks to speak to DH straight away, after I locate him (sometimes up three flights of stairs) and find he is on a work call and cannot speak to FIL, FIL will then tell me about the steam train passing through town on saturday or something. Now that is annoying, especially as we are talking during working hours and both DH and I are working!

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