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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my sister being unreasonable to..

18 replies

sb9 · 06/07/2009 12:41

Not let me have her kids stay over at mine ever since I didnt choose her as my bridemaid?

She says they see how much this hurt her and dont want to stay anymore.

Then she will text and say when she is visitng my mum how it would be nice for me to visit as they would like to see me.

Confusing?!

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 06/07/2009 12:43

How old is she? Twelve?

Ridiculous passive-aggressive crap.

LoveBeingAMummy · 06/07/2009 12:44

FFS what a teerible thing to do putting the kids in the middle like that, can your mum help?

arolf · 06/07/2009 12:53

ah, sisters...

my younger sis is already threatening me with ways she'll treat my (as yet unborn) child if I don't pick her as a bridesmaid -and in the next breath saying she'll not have either of us older 2 as her bridesmaid as we're not attractive enough. Middle sister has said she'll have younger but not me as bridesmaid, as having an older bridesmaid is not right (apparently) - however, she hasn't threatned my baby yet, so she's not totally awful.

Oh, and I'm the only one of the 3 of us who is even engaged (although it'll be a long while before a wedding actually happens)...

It's pathetic, and all you can do is rise above it I suppose. She'll either grow out of it, or grow increasingly bitter. Not much you or anyone else can do.

(oh, and YANBU, but she is...)

MamaLazarou · 06/07/2009 12:59

What is it about weddings that bring out the worst in people?

YANBU. Hopefully, your sister will eventually get over herself and stop being a dick.

Original poster
sb9 · 06/07/2009 13:07

Wouldnt mind but shes in her 30's! I have been told i cant be close to the kids anymore if im not close to her and it really hurts. They are 15 and 12 and i have been a big part of their lives, taking them out for days, them stopping with me etc.

I hate to think they dont like me anymore, but whenever i have seen them they have been all over me.

She has a great way of phrasing things so i feel its my fault, yep sisters eh!

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 06/07/2009 13:17

Well, until I read your post I'd spent the 37 years of my life WISHING I had a sister.

Not any more

Original poster
sb9 · 06/07/2009 13:22

Is it that bad?!

So painful not being able to speak on the phone to them or take them out becuase she cant handle the fact i didnt choose her, said i have rejected and publically humilated her etc etc...

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 06/07/2009 13:28

yes she is being unreasonable and childish. She seems to be doing a great job of humiliating herself by her ridiculous behaviour and very sad that she is using her children as a weapon. Pathetic. Rise above it and congrats on the wedding.

fruitstick · 06/07/2009 13:30

Did you have her children as your bridesmaids?

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 13:30

just out of curiosity is there a good reason why you do not want her to be your bridesmaid ? is she your only sister ? could you not have 2 bridesmaids that way she would be included

Original poster
sb9 · 06/07/2009 13:55

I asked for her daughter to be one but she said she didnt want to as I didnt want her mother (well thats what my sister said)

I didnt want her as a long story but she has done quite a lot of things in the past and when she falls out with me yells and screams at me and then expects me to apologise, it really hurts. She didnt come to the suprise party i organised for my mums 50th or come to my 30th as it was 'too far' but was all over me when i said i was engaged.

I asked her to do a readin but she said she has a phobia of public speaking and if i didnt get rid of my bridesmaid and have her she wouldnt come.

Thats all gone now as i stuck to my guns but i have lost the kids. ;(

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 06/07/2009 13:58

Oh dear - your sister sounds a bit disturbed.

Can you contact the kids another way? email? Facebook, text etc?

TrillianAstra · 06/07/2009 14:00

She sounds very childish and selfish.

fruitstick · 06/07/2009 14:03

sb9 she sounds like she has real issues which have nothing to do with you.

When I got married I had all 5 of my nieces (actually only wanted 3 but my mother insisted). It never occurred to me to ask my sisters and they certainly wouldn't have been offended that I didn't.

Is your niece 15 or 12? Either way, I would call her and talk to her. Say that you would really like her to be your bridesmaid. If she is genuinely upset that you have hurt her mother, you can talk about it.

If she says no because SHE doesn't want to hurt her mother I'm not sure what you do.

Either way, your sister sounds like a complete horror bag. How dare she threaten to not come to you wedding unless you drop your friend

Let her not come, have a great day.

woodlands35 · 06/07/2009 14:04

OK she sounds very over powering to me , acting like a spoilt brat , is there any way you could contact her kids via text or email so you could ask the kids how they feel etc ?
i would leave her to it to be honest , i reckon she will go to your wedding in the end , congrats by the way

2rebecca · 06/07/2009 14:04

I wouldn't have thought a couple of teenage girls would be that bothered about staying overnight with their auntie to be honest. Contact them via email/ facebook etc and just get on with your own life. The older girl is old enough to contact you off her own bat if she's bothered.

oldraver · 06/07/2009 14:14

Your sister is having a hissy fit because you chose your niece her daughter for a bridesmaid ?? Surely you would usually have nieces in preference to an old maid

Original poster
sb9 · 06/07/2009 20:31

"I wouldn't have thought a couple of teenage girls would be that bothered about staying overnight with their auntie to be honest. "

They would as they dont live by me and when they come up they stay with their grandmother, i think an Aunty is bit more 'hip' lol!

Well i had my grown up cousin as my bridesmaid, but we are close so why shouldnt I?

OP posts:
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