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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that being a new mum is really quite shiteous?

72 replies

cfc · 03/07/2009 18:32

There are some really lovely moments with my new baby, I know. But today I found myself getting excited because he'd soiled his nappy and it gave me something to do.

It seems to be get him to sleep, keep him asleep, clean the house, grab some (crap) food, interrupted by keeping him asleep, wait for him to wake, bring him down/change him, figure out what he would like to do, do that, try and keep him entertained, try to remember to talk to him and interact with him, catch up on some paperwork if he's on his gym mat/bouncy chair, feed him (a whole other realm of new problems with his newly discovered shallow latch), burp him, entertain him again and then off to bed after maybe another nappy change.

Interesting times are bath time, massage and actually the night feeds, which I enjoy just me and him.

I really thought I'd stay off for a long time before heading back to work part time but the monotony is mind numbing.

I am not a natural mother.

ps - We do get out and about, quite regularly actually, with various groups and NCT friends who I love - but today and yday I've been stuck in alone thanks to the heat and hubby is away all week in Germany.

/self indulgent thread...!!!

OP posts:
MangoJuggler · 03/07/2009 18:34

YANBU at all

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

crazylizzy · 03/07/2009 18:35

YANBU, I think all mothers have low moments like these, I certainly do! Stick with the social side of things and I'm sure as he gets older it'll get better.

icedgemsrock · 03/07/2009 18:37

it's because you've been stuck in for 2 days and in this weather especially it's hard staying in.
you'll probably be suffering from sleep deprivation aswell.
so I would give it time you won't always feel like this and you sound like a fab mom
baby massage - I only ever did that at classes and probably twice at home!

wonderingwondering · 03/07/2009 18:37

Yes, I think everyone feels a bit like that. It is nothing to do with being a natural mother. It is about being a person as well as a mother. I don't see many fathers expected to be happy with sitting in on their own all day, with no company and a list of jobs.

It does get better, it gets easier to get out and about as you get used to it, once they start interacting it is more fun. I went back to work earlier than planned when my son was 8 months, but by the time he was two I wanted to be at home with him more.

Don't doubt yourself. It is really hard with a newborn, and you are under all this pressure to be over the moon. I remember an old lady said to me 'treasure every minute' when my first was a newborn, and I almost burst into tears with guilt as I wasn't enjoying every moment (far from it!) and felt like a failure, like I was wasting this precious time, and was a bad mother.

But I like it more now!!

OmFg · 03/07/2009 18:38

Don't worry, wait until he starts crawling and playing with things, there will be loads to do then

Congrats on your baby

quirkychick · 03/07/2009 18:39

They do get more interesting and easier as they get older, honest! Keep getting out of the house too it keeps you sane.

Congratulations by the way.

MrsBadger · 03/07/2009 18:39

this is what mn is for

also sky+

Getting out and about to non-baby-dates (shops, library, starbucks) also v important.

Put a novel in the pram basket and hopefully he will drop off and you can have a latte and a good read

they do get more fun as they get more inetractive, I promise

SarahL2 · 03/07/2009 18:41

I always found that as I started to get bored, DS would learn to do something new to entertain me.

It will get better when he starts doing stuff...

icedgemsrock · 03/07/2009 18:42

aah mrs badger you've just reminded me of the days when i could pass a few hours with friends in a coffee shop!!
no chance now!!
not sure i agree about easier when they're older [grini]

shootfromthehip · 03/07/2009 18:43

YANBU- it is indeed mindnumbing.

And then they crawl...

And then they walk...

And then they talk...

And then they hit 2 and turn in to wee buggers...

And then you have another one...

The fun is all ahead of you

Reallytired · 03/07/2009 18:48

YANBU - I hate the newborn stage. The only consolation is that it does get better. [Thank gawd emoticon]

Dysgu · 03/07/2009 18:52

And having the 2 year old at home whilst you are on maternity leave with the second one keeps you sane!

I am not sure how I would have coped with the monotony had I only had DD2 around. DD1 is so much fun - for me and DD2 - that is is all right being home. But, having had 6 months of it, the last 2 before I go back to work feel like the home straight!

MoniMummy · 03/07/2009 19:02

Every new Mum feels this way at some point, if they say that they never have they are simply LIARS !!! One of my friends, said "I bonded with her baby the minute it was born", what a crock of sh** !! Being a new Mummy is hard work, and can it takes time to get use to one another.

Hang in there, it gets easier, before you know it they will be off to school.

plimple · 03/07/2009 19:03

My Mum had 9 kids and her motto is "please yourself" If DC is still tiny and in baby gym stage you needn't worry about "entertaining" him. Entertain yourself and talk about what you're doing and that will entertain him.
You mention crap food - I get a silly satisfaction from trying to cook tasty meals.
It's not about being a natural mother, it's about getting pleasure and a sense of achievement from little things - these don't have to be baby/household chore related.

sweetnitanitro · 03/07/2009 19:05

YANBU, I felt exactly the same when DD was about 2 or 3 months old. The novelty had worn out a bit, she wasn't sleeping as much so I couldn't get any me time and I felt bloody awful but then I found out everyone felt the same way and now that she's 9 months I don't have the time to get bored.

Meglet · 03/07/2009 19:10

Yanbu. Those first few months are dull, stressful, and tiring. Muddle through, don't panic about entertaining your ds all the time, its ok for him to gurgle aimlessly (sp?) on his playmat. Just try and keep yourself sane for the next few weeks.

porncocktail · 03/07/2009 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2009 19:11

Is he your first? Congratulations!
Get yourself out to every mother/baby/breastfeeding group you can. Take him for walks and to the supermarket so people can coo over him and you can enjoy it I did - hate being the centre of attention myself but love people making a fuss of my PFB

MrsMattie · 03/07/2009 19:13

YANBU. First time round I found it a grim mixture of mind numbingly boring and crushingly hard work. Second time, it was a breeze and I adored it. I went back to work a lot sooner after no.2, though

morningpaper · 03/07/2009 19:13

YANBU

pointydog · 03/07/2009 19:14

It is a shock to the system, yes. The hardest thing was just accepting the monotony and routines, I found.

MeAndMyMonkey · 03/07/2009 19:19

Babies are dull really aren't they? Newborns dullest of all.
I didn't really find any of it fun until about a year... but it really does get funner as they actually become people.
[looking on bright side emoticon] .

Grendle · 03/07/2009 19:22

YANBU It's really hard, especially first time.

I ended up when ds was 4 months old bringing forward my return to work from 12 months to 9 months. I had finally sorted out the feeding issues and then realised how mind numbingly boring it all was, even with getting out lots. The thing is, by 9 months he was totally different. SO much more interesting and easier to entertain. Then by 12-18 months he was even more adorable and interesting and I wished I had more time at home with him. It will get better. Meanwhile do whatever you have to to keep yourself sane/entertained. For me it was the internet and box sets of dvds .

JackBauer · 03/07/2009 19:36

cfc, you are so not being unreasonable. It is dull, and different to anything you will ever have done before, (even if you had been a maternity nurse)
It does get better, they start doing more interesting things, but as long as they are fed, fairly clean and happy then please yourself, go for a coffee, to the oark, library, even tesco's for a mooch for somethign nice for you. Just get out of the house and break up the monotony!

MP, that is brilliant. How did I miss that.

becaroo · 03/07/2009 19:45

YANBU at all...it can be really quite the most boring. mind numbing and energy sapping thing in the world....and then they get older and do something wonderful like smile, crawl, walk, talk etc and you forget you are bored!!!! Congrats!