to think that being a new mum is really quite shiteous?

[cfc]

There are some really lovely moments with my new baby, I know. But today I found myself getting excited because he'd soiled his nappy and it gave me something to do.

It seems to be get him to sleep, keep him asleep, clean the house, grab some (crap) food, interrupted by keeping him asleep, wait for him to wake, bring him down/change him, figure out what he would like to do, do that, try and keep him entertained, try to remember to talk to him and interact with him, catch up on some paperwork if he's on his gym mat/bouncy chair, feed him (a whole other realm of new problems with his newly discovered shallow latch), burp him, entertain him again and then off to bed after maybe another nappy change.

Interesting times are bath time, massage and actually the night feeds, which I enjoy just me and him.

I really thought I'd stay off for a long time before heading back to work part time but the monotony is mind numbing.

I am not a natural mother.

ps - We do get out and about, quite regularly actually, with various groups and NCT friends who I love - but today and yday I've been stuck in alone thanks to the heat and hubby is away all week in Germany.

/self indulgent thread...!!!

I had to get out of the house each day at that stage. It used to make me feel so much better - even if it was just to Starbucks or to buy milk from Sainsburys. In fact even now I get antsy if I don't get out daily.

The problem with your first baby is you try so hard to do everything perfectly for them that things like hair washing and eating well get forgotten. By the time you get to baby two, the poor little thing has to wait and cry sometimes if there is something you have to do with your first. Unfortunately it's really hard to let your first do that.

Could he come into the bathroom with you in a bouncy chair? Could you buy healthy microwave ready meals or cartons of soup? It's hard at that age - our first used to cry every time we opened the oven door to get our supper out. I honestly thought I'd never eat a meal again!!

I also know what you mean about resenting your DH's unbroken sleep - it's tough when they're staying in nice cool hotels and you are up and down in the night in this heat.

Take care.

PS: you've done so fantastically well to get him down so early. I never managed to get my three down until about 1am at that age - they just fed and fed and fed. This stage is so hard, but it only lasts a little while ... I promise.

I've been there and it's tough.

I've eaten SuperNoodles in the bedroom watching DS sleep and praying he wouldn't wake up before I'd finished the bowl (he usually did).

I've mooched up and down the hallway for no particular reason. I have also walked to Asda twice in a day with the pram, just for something to do/somewhere to go.

I have stared at myself in the mirror noting how shite I looked including skin (pasty/spotty) hair (limp) and body (could not fit anything other than maternity clothes and everything new looked terrible).

First thing I did was read books and get a routine. I would recommend you think about this if you are not already in a routine especially if your DP is away. If you have no time to yourself it will drive you round the bend. Baby Secrets book was the best for me. This allowed me time in a morning to have a shower and put makeup and proper clothes on.

Don't underestimate the importance of a morning shower, fresh clothes and a dab of mascara!! It sets the day up well and no matter how shite the night was, it draws a line under it and you can start again.

It DOES get better I promise. Very gradually you realise you feel better, look better, cope better and are in charge.

Good luck x

PS.

I know how difficult it is to find the time to heat soup let alone make a healthy dinner.

I recommend you fill your fridge with healthy "party food" instead. Dips. Celery sticks. Wholewheat Crackers. Ready-prepared fruit salads. Grapes. Yoghurts. Ready-cooked chicken pieces.

This is because at least you can "pick" healthily even if you can't face making/sitting down for a proper meal.

Oh god yes, and I really think we shouldn't be afraid to tell mums-to-be "If a few weeks down the line you think 'F*ck me this is miserable!' don't worry, it's normal and will pass". No one told me that. I remember getting baby cards that said things like "enjoy these precious first weeks, they pass so fast" and I thought "HOLY SHIT! It gets WORSE???!"

I also remember when finally after a few weeks (had had C-section) I was able to take DS to the local matalan (the nearest large shop) in the pram. It was SOOOOOOO exciting!

It was confusing as well because I did adore my baby and was thrilled with him, but was also both bored and overemotional all the time. It's a very hard time and like many on here I felt like I hadn't "got it".

It is shiteous being an old mum too, let me tell you.

Best thing to do it just remind yourself every day that you're one day closer to things being easier/better. And it does only get easier and better as the weeks go by, honestly!

New babies are a nightmare!

And then just as they get really enjoyable, a little more independant and therefore not such hard work - around the age of three, you will get all broody and go and have another one.

I really struggle with newborns. I find it so so hard. However, it really really does get easier - I promise.

I think everyone feels the same as you, unless they have an army of family around to do everything for thme and a baby that sleeps through very early.

Go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. I remember freaking out because I thought it was going to be that hard until they left home!

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM until DD went to school. She is now 10mo and I am ridiculously excited about going back to work next week. I have a new handbag and everything

It gets much better but staying indoors alone by yourself all day with a baby is enough to make anyone feel suicidal. Staying at home is actually much more work than going out. Our week is structured around baby activities (swimming is good in this weather - you don't have to wait until vacs anymore) and meeting friends who are at work for lunch. Even then I hate the dead hours between 3-5.30 when she is tired and grumpy and we often have nothing to do.

DD was/is a terrible cryer (reflux). I got in the habit of putting her in her cot for a nap (crying or not) while I went for a shower every morning. If I turn the shower up I can hardly hear her crying and it gaves me the ten mins peace I need to start the day. Sometimes I string it out by shaving my legs, exfoliating etc as it's me time I really need and I know she's safe and is used to the routine even though she still doesn't like it.

Despite this confession - I reckon I am a natural mother! Don't beat yourself up too much, most mums will admit they felt completely bipolar for the first 3 months.

Yanbu at all.

People only say 'Enjoy those first precious months' because they didn't. When you look back from the comfort of (slightly) more experienced motherhood you see things you might have done differently and want to impart that to others. You forget that early motherhood is a strange, boring, sleep deprived and slightly psychotic time. I remember standing in a cupboard with the door shut screaming really really loud. My mum laughed when I told her cos she did exactly the same thing.

It does get better.

CFC, You poor thing :-(

I really can't stand newborns/the newborn phase. I cried for about 8 months non- stop and then was pregnant all over again .

The loss of my life was such a shock to my system, I just felt like I'd died . I was depressed, tired, bored as hell, and anxious.

Then dd sarted to grow up, starting moving, interacting, talking, walking, becoming her own person and i was shocked at how I actually enjoyed being a parent.

I went out ALL the time and it helped, even if it meant bussing it to the city centre and walking around aimlessly, going for a coffee on my own, going for a walk in the park and enjoying the rain, just any excuse to go out kept me sane.

This will be all over before you know it, this too shall pass, chin up.

With your first it does get a bit boring after the novelty wears off, but second and third babies are great because they are so much easier to look after than their rampaging older siblings who are hell bent on making a mess/ eating all the biscuits/ injuring one another.

One small newborn can be boring and isolating, things definitely get more interesting once they are talking and walking and they can do more interesting things (art classes, library, music etc). More children also helps, (though it may not feel like it at the time) as you'll be too busy to be bored plus they entertain each other.

In the meantime:

-get an iPod and listen to stuff you're interested in while doing the chores
-take advantage of your baby being this small and immobile and do things you're interested in eg, grown-up museums and galleries. You have years ahead of you of child-centered activities.

YANBU. I agree with everyone else here that getting out of the house every day is essential.

Also, listening to the radio helped to keep me sane.

Congratulations, by the way!

Congratulations on your baby! .

Don't worry, we're all here to tell you it's normal!

Just imagine spending 8 months learning to drive without ever actually getting into a car. You go to classes to learn all the theory, read up everything you can find on the subject, ask all the experienced drivers you know for their advice, and eventually feel confident that you understand the theory and basic mechanics at least.

Then one day, you are put into a car (after the most physically gruelling and scary experience of your life and after 72 hours with no sleep whatsoever) and sent out onto the motorway at 60mph AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP DRIVING. AT ALL.

It will get better. I can honestly say I didn't "enjoy" my baby until he was about 10 weeks old, but as your confidence increases and you gradually get more sleep you'll be able to relax.

I went from a full-on demanding career to full-time motherhood aged 35 with a DP who was working long shifts. Thought I'd go crazy with loneliness and anxiety and had no friends who were SAHMs. Radio 4 was my lifeline. As a confirmed bookworm with a sucky demand-fed baby I nearly went mad. Couldn't hold a book to read 'coz I needed to support a huge nork with one hand while holding DS in the other.

This horrible hot weather doesn't help because it saps what little energy you have.

Ring your mates a lot. Try to sleep when the baby sleeps (Iknow, I know! but it does help!) and concentrate on getting your strength back.

Keep posting. Wish I'd had Mumsnet back then!

Great theory Morning Paper, am loving it.

Tiny hijack - I made the MN round up for - I believe - the first time, and am being pegged as a Daily Mail type. Very offended, am a Guardian/Indie reader and was just pissed when I wrote that pigeon pokers are future serial killers, ok? Just wanted to set record straight .It's still a bit weird and yukky though, the pigeon poking thing.

LOL at the driving analogy MrsF, so true

YANBU- I was bored shitless. (Although smitten with dd was not smitten with copious nappies, washing and milk leakage.)

I found the first 12 weeks so boring, so hard, so tiring and so lonely. It really does get better though and unbelievably I am really looking forward to doing it all again with baby number 2 (due later this month)!

Try to get out of the house every day, regardless of the weather, as it does make you feel better, even if it's just for a walk down to the local shops or park or something.

And do look after yourself as well - for example I found I could manage to have a shower every morning with DD in her bouncer on the bathroom floor and it always perked me up and made me feel so much better than if I stayed in my dressing gown half the day.

Are you managing to catch up with your pre-baby friends at all? It might help to catch up on other people's non-baby related news and gossip.

Great post, MrsF!