to think that being a new mum is really quite shiteous?

[cfc]

There are some really lovely moments with my new baby, I know. But today I found myself getting excited because he'd soiled his nappy and it gave me something to do.

It seems to be get him to sleep, keep him asleep, clean the house, grab some (crap) food, interrupted by keeping him asleep, wait for him to wake, bring him down/change him, figure out what he would like to do, do that, try and keep him entertained, try to remember to talk to him and interact with him, catch up on some paperwork if he's on his gym mat/bouncy chair, feed him (a whole other realm of new problems with his newly discovered shallow latch), burp him, entertain him again and then off to bed after maybe another nappy change.

Interesting times are bath time, massage and actually the night feeds, which I enjoy just me and him.

I really thought I'd stay off for a long time before heading back to work part time but the monotony is mind numbing.

I am not a natural mother.

ps - We do get out and about, quite regularly actually, with various groups and NCT friends who I love - but today and yday I've been stuck in alone thanks to the heat and hubby is away all week in Germany.

/self indulgent thread...!!!

ah cfc it is dull, no doubt about it, my life feels like groundhog day most of the time

(actually I reckon that's one reason why so many mums end up weaning their baby early, just for something different to do...)

the heat certainly doesn't help-trying to go for a walk and keep the baby shaded with one of those crappy parasols while you're sweating away is no fun really

hang in there, a lot of people feel the same way

No YANBU in the slightest. I think part of the problem is an expectation that motherhood is instantly fulfilling. It is for some, but for others it takes time.

I love the company of children, teenagers and young adults, but babies are lucky to get a "meh" out of me (and this has included my own!)

I like what Bill Murray's character says about parenthood in "Lost in Translation" - something like "Your life, as you know it, is OVER, but... they learn how to walk, and learn how to talk, and then turn into the most charming, delightful people you'll ever meet in your life."

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way, good ENOUGH is all you ever have to be for your baby. Keep on keeping on.

Frankly after working very long stressful days in the city and the dreaded commute, looking after baby is a dream. Every time i find myself getting bored i think - what would you rather do - spend time with your gorgeous happy cheeky son, get to watch eastenders, go for walks in the sunshine etc etc or slog your guts out in a horrible office - there really is no contest. I suppose it just depends what you're used to and what floats your boat - but I certainly never used to have the time to do anything at all except work, get stressed and commute and now I do! Try thinking of all the positives of being at home and make the most of those very precious months.

God, sometimes I just think "what were we thinking, we're too selfish for this" and when he won't settle (like tonight) and I don't know what to do the most terrible thoughts run through my head and then I feel incredibly guilty after for thinking what I thought.

And I am aware that he's such a good little baby and other people have it so much harder. But I'm so resentful at the loss of my life.

I've literally been trying to settle him for hours. And I can hear him stir again. I hate my life and I hate my husband for being away.

I know there's no reply to this post - I just have to get it out somewhere. I've already razored my throat screaming into a pillow.

your not wrong - its really horrible

there is light at the end of the tunnel however - when they go to school - they turn into wonders of huge wonderous proportions - its positively joyous

cfc, what age is he?

YANBU, I did not like the baby days, but please don't write yourself off as not being a natural mother! For me, being a mother of a teeny baby was mindnumbing, but I have loved motherhood ever since she hit 18 months and I'm actually a pretty natural mother of a toddler/preschooler. I may be a sadist, but I just need that feedback, even if it is her arguing with me.

DD will be an only, but if someone offered me a toddler I probably would snap them up. We all have our talents

cfc you are not alone, in fact I wouldn't even say you were in the minority.

Do you have any family nearby? Accepting help is not a sign of failure and (most) Grannys love spending time with their GC.

YANBU - I remember those early days and it all seemed like a blur of breastfeeding, nappy changing, zombieness because of lack of sleep, bad food, worse telly interspersed with forcing myself to get out of the house before I went mad !
It does get better - honestly !

YANBU

I remember feeling angry for months, like I had been cheated of all the loveliness or something. There were some lovely bits but they were a bit hazy as I was knackered!

Love it now ds is 10 months (most of the time anyway). It gets better quite quickly. Then you start wishing they were a newborn again and start to think you should have another

Congratulations btw

YANBU at all but it slightly better when they sleep some of the time than when they either a) wreck your house between sleeping b) fight with each other everytime your back is turned c) talk non stop. I know its hard to imagine but you'll probably spend the next 20 years lusting after your newborn baby.

In a while you'll forget your old life and be content in your new one and you probably will forget the crapness of it when they look at your face and give you a big gummy smile.

oh yes indeedy, i remember that.

it's shit. and it WILL pass.

i felt very guilty and miserable for "getting through the days" and panicking at the thought we'd never get any time to ourselves ever again. got miles better for me at about 6 months or so and by 9 months it was (and still is) a pleasure most of the time

PS morningpaper "I USED TO BE A PLAYER, YOU FUCKERS, AND NOW LOOK AT ME, A FUCKING SWING FUCKING PUSHER!"

Yanbu. Everyone has parts of motherhood they find really dull and hard.

Personally i LOVE the stage you are in right now but i am totally crap at the mobile baby/young toddler stage. You may really enjoy that age - it's horses for courses and all that but do not beat yourself up that you are not being a 'natural' mum at this early stage - the fact you are even talking about this means you are being a good mum.

Everyone is 'natural' in their own way so while some people give off that earth mother vibe cos they coo over new babies and adore every second of being at home with their baby they are no more natural than someone who admits babies are boring and is happier when they go back to work!

NightShoe - i will happily give you a toddler if i can do the newborn stage?! Ds is now 16 months and is testing me so i am especially not loving the toddlers at the mo!Dd is 4 and is a dream in comparison - i think i'm safe to take back over at about age 3 1/2 years!

Can you invite some friends over for wine so as you have some normality? you can come to mine for wine if you live near or Stick him in the pram and go for a walk to a friend house?

YA sooo NBU!

I spent the whole of January and February this year hate hate hating being a new mother. I had no car and we live in a village full of OAPs, it was bloody snowing, DS was crap at sleeping naps and at night, we'd given up Sky because we were so skint so there was FA on the TV for the hours I was sat BFing, DH and I argued constantly, everyone I know was at work, my list of woes was endless...

And then I started going to baby groups, DS slowly started sleeping better and turned from a full on screamer into a lovely sunny, happy little boy and I started to really have fun when he was about 4-5 mo. We had about two or three fabulous months and now I've just gone back to work and feel really bitter and guilty about not having enjoyed the early days more. I'm planning the next one right now...

It'll get much better soon. Promise. (MN makes a big diff too!)

A small thought, but I used to download loads of webcasts and audio books onto my MP3 player and listen to them quietly on my headphones. I could still make all the goo-goo faces and hear every sound the baby made, but I had some mental stimulation to turn to when I needed it.

I feel your pain! Babies are yukky! Don't worry, it will be over before you know it and you'll have a lovely entertaining small person for your troubles.

OMG look at us all on MN on a friday night - proves the case in point.

Yes it gets MUCH better

My theory is that if you are not that keen on babies then you are rewarded with a lovely, lovely LOVELY toddler

Whereas people who love their babies and coo over them have horrid toddlers who scream in supermarkets

My toddler makes me want to cry with joy every day and love love love her fat arms around me first thing in the morning - toddlers are the best invention EVER

Toddlers ARE wonderful - even when they're being dreadful. And it definitely gets easier and more fulfilling all the time. I love little babies, but I found those early months quite hideous: lonely, exhausting, overwhelming.

It's really good to hear I am not alone.

He's finally in bed and DH is back in a bit. I feel like running away and leaving them to it. There's a ton of milk in the freezer, they don't need me. I hate DH and his uninterrupted sleep whilst he's been away. Irrational, I know.

The baby is 8 weeks today.

My dinner remains in the oven, ruined. I've just had tea and biscuits. The healthier diet will start tomorrow. My hair has not been washed only once since the birth and I've actually put weight ON. I looked fab (in my mind) post-birth but now because I'm beholden to this little thing I've made I can't eat properly and have put weight on and look worse.

God I'm a whiney old cow.

For the record, I know how lucky we are to have him and he is such a good, lovely baby - but being alone, literally all alone over the past few days has really knocked me for six and I've learned that I don't do being alone very well.

But like I said we're usually out and about, it's just with the heat I was worried about dehydration so decided to stay in and not go to our usual group on Thursday. So it's not that bad.

Thank you again x

cfc, try to get some sleep. Don't beat yourself up - it is so hard and if you are doing it on your own, then even more so. I don't think anyone does 'on their own' well with an eight week old baby!

It really, really gets better. Try to bear in mind that the other relaxed, happy mums are screaming inside, too.

The hardest is making the mental shift to being a mum and letting go of the old life temporarily. I found that once I had forced myself to change gear and stop fighting it, it actually became enjoyable.

MP's list is priceless. Print it out in reams and paste onto every available surface.

Also keep in mind that, oddly, this doesn't happen the second time around.

hi cfc, you're going to be fine, it is tough just now though.

thanks for posting so honestly - i also felt like this but couldn't admit it to myself let alone anyone else so i just pretended it was ok.

it is like starting a new job where you work all day every day by yourself doing a new job that you've had no training for and you don't know how to do it and you have no support and it's frankly impossible sometimes - but you have no choice, you just have to do it. which kind of messes with your head because you're used to being independent and collaborating and making good decisions, and now here you are trying to settle an over-tired baby all on your own, while your partner is carrying on as usual.

for me like most others it got steadily better as i got more confident and baby got more interactive and i met a few other likeminded parents, and now at 2.5 my dd makes me laugh uproariously the whole time, she is so funny.

anyway that was a long way of saying YANBU and hang in there. also, even in a heatwave i am sure you can find a really shady spot somewhere and slather him in sun cream and venture out - maybe in the evenings when cooler - you do need to get out every day i find. take care xx

and wash your hair!