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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect nursery to take *some* care of DS's clothes?

102 replies

curlygal · 03/07/2009 16:26

DS is in nursery four days a week so often by day four we are running low on "nursery clothes" ie scruffier stuff that he wears to nursery.

Yesterday I dressed him in a white (yes I know) Thomas T shirt (nothing fancy just the white one out of a pack of three) and he happened to be wearing his new summer shoes.

When I dropped him off I mentioned that I knew white wasn;t the best colour for nursery and that he had new shoes on and said specifically to DS to please be careful with his new shoes (his last pair was ruined at nursery).

When I came to collect him I couldn;t believe the state of him. His white T shirt is totally ruined - covered in red paint and yellow sun cream. His shoes and socks were soaked and he had got into the paddling pool wearing shoes and socks.

I've soaked and washed the T shirt three times now and it is not wearable again. The shoes are ok after a wash, but you;d never guess they were new!

Several items of clothing have now been ruined at nursery - about three tops stained with non washable paint, plus the other shoes. Not to mention a lovely cardigan that just "disappeared".

I expect him to get a bit mucky and I know the white T shirt was silly but surely they should at least make an effort not to ruin the children's clothes?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 03/07/2009 17:02

curly - you do need IME to use a heavy duty biological powder and soaking to get rid of paint and other nasties but it does work in the end - may need a couple of washes

MangoJuggler · 03/07/2009 17:04

Pointless and destructive?

Okay, I am sorry you have been upset

Morloth · 03/07/2009 17:04

Nah don't worry about the paint curlygal it isn't important - he is just going to get MORE paint on it at nursery. So you wash it, the paint stain is there, you put it on him anyway and don't spend another second thinking about it.

Now would you like to hear about the beetroot stain the boy got onto his one and only button up school shirt they other day?

Seriously it really doesn't matter if they clothes have paint on them, even after they have been washed, really it doesn't - no one is going to look at you DS and think "Yuck, that kid has paint on his shirt".

MilaMae · 03/07/2009 17:06

Errrr I simply disagreed with you you is that not allowed then .

You've just written a 14 line post ranting about the state of your sons clothes due to the lovely activities he's enjoying at nursery eg painting,water play etc. Not once did you mention that he's lucky to be enjoying said activities.

It's quite clear you would rather his enjoyment be restricted whilst the staff concentrate on keeping his clothes clean so he came home cleaner. I find that very sad and indicative of the fact you rate clean clothes more than your child's development.

Sorry if that offends.

In answer to your original post yes you are being very unreasonable.

cory · 03/07/2009 17:06

t's going to be the same with the grass stains from playing football and the oily grease stains from mucking around with his bike- you're just going to have to learn that stained does not equal dirty and that he can and should go on wearing stained clothes when doing dirty jobs

imo nurser clothes are like an overall worn by car mechanic; they don't throw them away every time they get an oil stain on them

Ewe · 03/07/2009 17:08

Just make the mucky t-shirt a nursery t-shirt now. I really don't see the problem.

My DD has had this happen a couple of times at nursery, it's par for the course. Sometimes she even gets a stain on them at home with me that won't come out .

Getting his shoes wet isn't really ruining them is it. It's just getting them wet.

Original poster
curlygal · 03/07/2009 17:26

It's fine to disagree with me Mila.

I just find the way you choose to word your posts very odd and I am glad not to have come across you on mumsnet before.

I don;t think that my original post was a "rant" or that it indicates that I put clothes infront of my son's development - you seem to be intent on being nasty and destructive.

I am actually having a really crap time and the moment and I can see that I am blowing the states of DS yesterday out of proportion and that I need to just forget about the T shirt and get a life.

Perhaps it was my mistake posting on AIBU, but many other posters disagreed with me and said "yes you are" without being so nasty and insulting, and to actually add some postive comments that might actually help.

I use mumsnet as a way to communicate with other mums and get an insight into other people's views and tips on parenting.

This thread today has upset me a lot, admittedly partly due to my feeling crap before I even made the mistake of posting, and it's really put me off using mumsnet which is sad as I am sure that most users don't mean to upset other posters, it's just unfortunate that you chose to post on my thread today the way that you did.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 03/07/2009 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MangoJuggler · 03/07/2009 17:33

Now now Curly Gal

'I am glad not to have come across you on mumsnet before' to Mila is a bit orf

Really this isn't an AIBU is it, because you wanted us all to say 'there there nasty nursery getting your child all messy' and have therefore been upset that not everyone patted your head and made soothing noises

I am sorry that you are having a shit time atm, this parenting lark can be very draining

Original poster
curlygal · 03/07/2009 17:33

am feeling very flouncy now shiney I know I am being sensitive and that AIBU threads are not for wallflowers like me.

Just don;t get the delibrate nastiness of some people

Oh well

OP posts:
Biglips · 03/07/2009 17:36

i dressed my 4 yrs old in cheap clothes/older clothes that i can find in the house as i know she be covered in paint etc when i pick her up later. One of her pants is covered in old paint that cannot wash out but she used that at the nursery. i wouldnt dare send her in in her new good/expensive clothes/shoes or otherwise i would choke myself. She does wear her black leather school shoes that can be easily wiped off with water.

Morloth · 03/07/2009 17:37

If you flounce I shall have to mock you and I don't want to have do that .

Forget the washing - shove the shoes outside to dry and make a cup tea (taking care not to spill it down your front).

RumourOfAHurricane · 03/07/2009 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Podrick · 03/07/2009 17:37

Paint used at school or nursery should be washable and a painting overall should be worn. This is a very reasonable expectation imo.

Children should not be allowed to wear shoes in a paddling pool.

OP is reasonable in expecting this from the nursery and right to be annoyed if clothes are ruined as a result.

This is not the same as not allowing your child to have any fun for fear of ruining their outfit.

Podrick · 03/07/2009 17:40

FWIW I wouldn't dress my child in stained clothes - so if a paint mark didn't come out I would chuck the item away. Cheap second hand car boot sale clothes I am fine with , but stained / damaged clothes no.

MilaMae · 03/07/2009 17:43

"Nasty and destructive" "insulting"-I think not,I simply disagreed with you and still do.

Sorry if that offends,you asked for an opinion,I gave it. It's unfortunate it wasn't the answer you were hoping for but I hope it's given food for thought.

I'm sorry you're having a bad time I really am,if I can help in any other way I'd be glad to.

POTC · 03/07/2009 17:48

I think other posters are right in saying you need to change the way you view things, for your own sanity if nothing else

So the t-shirt has paint stains, so what? That solves the problem of needing an extra nursery t-shirt - the stained one can be kept for that purpose. Throwing them away is just daft and creates expensense and stress for you where it needn't.

Paint that is supposed to be washable isn't always so. We have 'washable' paint and pens at home and I can never get the damned stuff out of shirts!

And I don't see why the shoes were ruined by going in the paddling pool? No different to a puddle or sudden downpour, leave them to dry and they'll be fine again.

Please, if you are going to send your son to nursery you need to learn to not sweat the small stuff or you'll never get through it

(Oh, and they're also right about it being worse when they go to school, especially when they stay on to afterschool club...)

Morloth · 03/07/2009 17:50

Podrick If I did that I would have to buy DS new clothes every day.

cory · 03/07/2009 17:52

Podrick on Fri 03-Jul-09 17:40:57
"FWIW I wouldn't dress my child in stained clothes - so if a paint mark didn't come out I would chuck the item away. Cheap second hand car boot sale clothes I am fine with , but stained / damaged clothes no."

So what if he grows up doing a dirty job, like a car mechanic or a decorator? Would you expect him to throw his clothes away at the end of every working day?

Lots of people go to work in stained clothes because of the nature of the work.

To my mind, painting and glueing is work, and needs to be done with the best tools, even if that does mean paints that don't wash out easily.

elvislives · 03/07/2009 17:55

FWIW I don't think YABU. We have "nursery clothes" and "non nursery clothes". When DD goes up into the next size or the weather changes it always grieves me to see a brand new T shirt (however cheap) covered in stains that never come out. With us it tends to be food rather than paint but it is frustrating

Confuzzeled · 03/07/2009 18:13

YABU, you need clothes for nursery and clothes for home. If you feel so strongly about him leaving the house in good clothes then ask the nursery to keep clothes there that he can have fun in.

My dd is in nursery 2.5 days a week and comes back a crusty, stained, happy mess. She loves nursery and I wouldn't change it for the world.

You can buy a 3 pack of T's for £2.50 in different colours from Sainsburys. Match these with some cheap joggers and there you go. Easy Peasy.

Also I'm just wondering if you allow your ds to do messy stuff at home? You should get dirty too, it's amazing fun.

MangoJuggler · 03/07/2009 18:16

aww guys, c'mon

OP has revealed she is a bit fragile atm so cut a bit of slack now eh

Podrick · 03/07/2009 18:20

Morloth
Cory I don't expect everyone to take the same view as I do! I don't stand in judgement over anyone whose child has a stain on their tshirt!

If my ds became a decorator or mechanic I presume he would have overalls...but anyway it would be up to him as an adult what he wore and that would be fine.

TBH if you pay 25p for a tshirt from a car boot sale that is probably as cheap as the cost of washing and ironing one.

!

Firawla · 03/07/2009 20:41

OP i think some of the replies are a bit harsh, and i understand why you felt annoyed by the ruining of ur kids clothes. I would probably feel the same, but extra nursery clothes will be a good idea to avoid it in future.
Mine are not at nursery yet, but i would not really expect them to come back filthy. Can they not just put some kind of apron on for painting to at least minimise the damage or use washable paint? It is quite wasteful if perfectly good clothes are being ruined on a daily basis. I would prefer them to have fun but not totally ruin the clothes @ the same time? whether that is unrealistic I dont know

VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2009 20:52

I work at a nursery and am pretty surprised he was allowed to get his clothes in such a state tbh. We may get suncream on clothes at times (I'm assuming you'd prefer this than sunburn though) but paint? why wasn't he in an apron?
Shoes.. well.. IME my OWN children fuck up shoes in a matter of seconds so I'd suggest that wasn't nursery's doing but just a child wearing shoes