AIBU to have given an old lady a piece of my mind?

[JoesMummy09]

I was travelling on the bus today to meet up with some other mummies.

There were 3 buggies already on the bus when I spotted a lady with a pram trying to get on (I realised later it was actually a friend of mine - I'm a bit short-sighted!). The driver told her it was full so she thanked him and joined the back of the queue to wait for the next one.

The horrible old cow old lady sitting in front of me loudly said "I don't know why they can't just walk".

Well, I was not having that! Her comment was down right rude, thoughtless and unneccessary. So I gave her a piece of my mind!

I should add that when I got on the bus carrying DS in a sling and carrying 2 bags she hadn't moved her bag so I could sit down, despite it being a seat for "those less able to stand". (Perhaps I am being unreasonable there and her bag needed the seat more than woman carrying 3mo child and shopping??!)

I don't normally do this kind of thing but I just lost it. AIBU? Would you do the same?

I agree that it is very fear-driven. When you work with older people, even the oldest and most ill or vulnerable as I have, you realise that there (of course!) are many as many individual differences between people over the age of 70 as there are between people of 40.

Oh, and I think as well as some losses, old age does include gains, which sadly our society does not value. Older people can become marginalised and so are more misunderstood.

I wish schools would invite more older people in, so that the generations can mix and learn from each other. There is an Age Concern project which involved children going into nursing homes and teaching residents to use Nintendo Wii for recreation and exercise, and other projects teaching residents to use email to contact relatives, and internet to shop. Also reminiscence projects where kids here about historical events from older people who went through them

littlepurpleprincess Yes, some are ageist, just as some of us, no doubt are fearful of and misunderstand teenagers.

All you can do is challenge yours and their assumptions, so I would say something to someone who was rude to me, regardless of their age.

hear , not here (der ..)

I utterly agree that there is awful ageism against the young.

But the difference is that on the whole, young people have more power and potential to step aside from that ageism than older people. They will also get older and will be treated as fuller members of society as they become economically active or develop other kinds of status.

Older people are ignored, denigrated, casually abused by the public, treated awfully in the healthcare and financial systems, exluded from full participation in society, derided and laughed at.

Going all the way back to page one now but wanted to tell Riven that although that must have been annoying for you, I laughed heartily (in solidarity!) at the thought of you piping up over and over again as new pieces of your mind occurred to you.

I wish I'd been a passenger on that bus to see that. Please tell me it was a 2 hour bus journey?

I remember waiting for a bus and an old lady was moaning about the school kids who get on saying how she was frightened of them . When the bus arrived i asked the first two lads standing behind us if they would kindly help get my buggy on and the ladies shopping trolley ,which they obligingly did and when it was our stop they hurtled down the bus ,from the back obviousley and helped us get them off before jumping back on with a cheery wave . I told the lady that yoofs are generally like labrador puppies ,daft but good natured

Yup. That's yoofs, bless 'em

bumpsoon - that is my experience of teenagers too for the most part. Just like labrador puppies . Having said that I have to say I've met very few unpleasant older people.

Lupus Do you work with older people or in a charity ?

I think screamingabdab makes a good point with
"I think that the buggy-old person face-off can be quite well explained by the fact that , by and large, the two groups are travelling at the same times of day. Imagine if you tried to travel in rush-hour ....."

I would imagine that a rush hour journey would turn up quite a few rude people who were not senior citizens.

As the OP I would like to point out that I only labelled this lady a horrible old cow after the incident.

I have applied this term (mainly in my head tbh) about people of various ages from 20s onwards. But only after their behaviour has, IMO, justified the internal rant.

Serious question - Do you think if you ignored someone's behaviour because they were old that would be discriminating against them?

Good for you JoesMummy - i would have said something as well. No one regardless of age has the 'right' to be rude.

A lot of old people are rude, they think they can get away with it but really they have no more 'right' to be rude than the next person. I dont see many people sticking up for kids that are rude, instead people say how disrespectful they are etc etc etc

I was brought up to treat elderly with respect and did so, whatever the situation was. I did change a few years ago when this old couple in the park laughed at DS2 who had just been pushed in a puddle of mud by a dog. My poor Ds(4yo at the time)was scared, wet and cold and they found it funny. I shouted at them that if they found it so funny to land in cold mud I would be happy to oblige, they did not answer anything to me but it stopped them laughing there and then!

TBH I did not know I had it in me and found it somehow very liberating. I since decided that regardless of age, I reserve he right to let people know they are being horrible when circumstances allow it!

screamingabdab, no. But work in a research unit with closely related interests. And do some teaching on these issues.

Joesmummy, it's a good question and I do think rudeness should be challenged and people should not be 'let off' because they are old. It would be patronising to not extend the same membership of society because of some physical issue.

But it is complex. As with disability, we are more used to just being rude and ignoring and making assumptions about old people. Mostly people have no idea what it is like to be old because oldness is feared and excluded.

As others have said, there ARE some bits of physical ageing that might make issues about mobility and inhibition more complex. If an older person has a hearing impairment or cannot move fast or is spatially impaired (if they've had a stroke for example) then they might struggle on a bus. There should be more solidarity I think between mothers with pushchairs and toddlers in tow, pregnant women and older people with impairments because you're never going to get a better example of what it is like to be old and facing obstacles to full membership of society than when you become a mother. It certainly opened my eyes.

But equally, it is important not to assume that the 'age' is all the person is (as with disability). Most older people live happily independently, with no major disabilities but often some minor ones, are not demented or mentally impaired and are just as diverse as the rest of society.

If all you can see is the age, then you're being ageist.

I agree Lupus. I do have the odd conversation with old people which are very pleasant. I am also aware that sometimes I am the only person they have spoken to all day so I try to make the effort, even if only chatting about the weather.

TBH when I started this thread it hadn't even occurred to me that people would seize on the old thing as it didn't seem relevant to me other than scene setting. I thought I was posting about rudeness and challenging it in public - which I am not used to doing.

Although I get the point you and various people have made

Lupusina and Seeker - Think what you say is true. I have pet theory that as we are all tribal in some way or other, then the groups that it is socially acceptable to carp about have decreased. I think tis often based on ideas about what constitutes the 'other'. I have come across people who would never say a word about black people or people with disabilities but just don't go there re. gypsies (or insert group of choice). It's as tho it's all transferred in some way. Think ageing is a bit different as hopefully most of us will do it in quite large nos. I had a back problem recently which went of for quite a while. One day I suddenly realised that I wasn't just in pain and knackered - it was like I'd been given a training course in being old. I was a horror - if it had been combined with imminent demise and looking really crinkly I think it would have pushed me right over the edge. Have made notes and will try to do better

I remember working for British Telecom about 13 years ago as an operator. One christmas day I had to work and I recall getting a 192 call come through from an old lady who asked if I knew a number of anywhere that may be doing christmas meals for the elderly who were alone.

God it depressed me, I went home on a low.

tiredemma thats awfull

I say well said to Joesmummy. She makes the most important point, that people are missing here. She was angry towards the lady AFTER the lady had been rude to her! Not because she was old!

The lady wasn't being rude to joesmummy. She was passing comment generally. Joesmummy took it upon herself to defend people with prams.
And it was joesmummy who drew attention to the fact that the lady was old.

Absolutely people should challenge rudeness. Some people are very rude indeed.

What I don't find acceptable is the use of the word "old" in this context. No one would think it OK to use ""black or "disabled" as descriptors - how come it's OK to use "old"?

oh yes seeker!!! some ppl on here are very rude too !!

It isn't very helpful anyway-how old is old?

A tall person was rude to me the other day. Does saying that make me 'heightist'?