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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have given an old lady a piece of my mind?

172 replies

JoesMummy09 · 02/07/2009 18:30

I was travelling on the bus today to meet up with some other mummies.

There were 3 buggies already on the bus when I spotted a lady with a pram trying to get on (I realised later it was actually a friend of mine - I'm a bit short-sighted!). The driver told her it was full so she thanked him and joined the back of the queue to wait for the next one.

The horrible old cow old lady sitting in front of me loudly said "I don't know why they can't just walk".

Well, I was not having that! Her comment was down right rude, thoughtless and unneccessary. So I gave her a piece of my mind!

I should add that when I got on the bus carrying DS in a sling and carrying 2 bags she hadn't moved her bag so I could sit down, despite it being a seat for "those less able to stand". (Perhaps I am being unreasonable there and her bag needed the seat more than woman carrying 3mo child and shopping??!)

I don't normally do this kind of thing but I just lost it. AIBU? Would you do the same?

OP posts:
seeker · 02/07/2009 22:44

I was about to say something about the hideous casual ageism that seems completely acceptable on Mumsnet and in RL, but I just really can't be bothered.

In a very few years time you will suddenly discover that you are the same person you've always been, but nobody sees it, You will no longer be an individual, but an "old person"

What goes around comes round.

cheesesarnie · 02/07/2009 22:50

you should all think yourself lucky.if a bus ever decides to come our way its a old coach,buggies must be folded and held or shovved between yourself and window.

cheesesarnie · 02/07/2009 22:50

well said seeker.
i also couldnt be arsed.

Original poster
JoesMummy09 · 02/07/2009 22:52

LupusinaLlamasuit more right on than Allison Pearson any way

I don't think she was rude because she was old, I think she was rude because she was rude.

Old is descriptive really. And she was old so don't see the problem.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 22:53

Lupus and seeker Here Here!

tiredemma · 02/07/2009 22:54

Good post seeker

I cant get into moaning about OAP's- that will be me one day. The doddery old lady that no-one takes serious anymore.

Thinking of old people makes me feel a bit sad actually.

Original poster
JoesMummy09 · 02/07/2009 22:54

Not sure if I should be taking exception to cheesesarnie's use of old coach.

But I don't think I can be arsed

OP posts:
LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/07/2009 22:55

substitute other 'just' descriptors such as black, gay, disabled and see if you're just as comfortable?

The problem is we are so very used to using age in a derogatory way we have no idea most of the time why it might be ageist. I posted some links to stretch people's thinking on this issue on the last ageist thread and like Seeker, I can't be arsed posting them again. If you want to find out why it is ageist do go to Help the Aged or AgeConcern, or even better ask an older person whether ageism exists or not...

Greensleeves · 02/07/2009 22:57

my reading of the thread title was that "old lady" was the phrase used because it is considered MORE wrong to be disrespectful towards an old lady - it's kind of shocking to be rude to an old lady

but I think the OP was entirely justified and not rude at all

this particular old lady was an ignorant git.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 02/07/2009 22:59

Yes she was (rude) greensleeves. But just like the last thread like this, a whole raft of posters piled in to generalise about how crap, nasty and rude old people are. Why does it matter that she was old? If it doesn't, why say it?

'Horrible old cow' doesn't seem like someone surprised by the respect issue to me...

screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 23:06

As predicted by me right at the beginning ........

I do find myself more and more aware of casual prejudice which just would not be voiced about other groups of people.

To me, it makes no sense at all to denigrate older people. They are us, and at the moment they get a pretty raw deal in society

unknownrebelbang · 02/07/2009 23:18

WRT to bags on seats, can people not just ask their fellow passenger to move the bags?

ABetaDad · 02/07/2009 23:31

FGS. No one said all old people are like this. Just some are.

As for bags on seats - why put them there in the first place and why wait to be asked to move them when it is plainly a full bus and my DSs are plainly walking up and down the aisle looking for an empty seat while being thrown around as the bus accelerates and goes round corners?

That is what I OBJECT to.

EyeballsandherSunburntNorks · 02/07/2009 23:43

This is why the £8 per day congestion charge is worth it, and why I would still drive into London if it was £50. I can't bear the slanging match that public transport has become. It's all so me me me, what happened to compassion and empathy and consideration?

seeker · 02/07/2009 23:58

So why say "old lady" in the title?

How do "AIBU to have given a black lady a piece of my mind?" or "AIBU to have given a disabled lady a piece of my mind? sound?

alisha29 · 03/07/2009 00:17

i have a dislike to people that are rude too senior citzens makes my blood boil but i dont think the op was anyway being nasty just voicing her disaproval of what the lady said.i have many times come across rude sc's and young people(this 17 year old tried to push infront of a 80 year old man and the scummy teenager punched him to the ground) but i grin and bear it because i will be a sc in 40 years and i hate disrespect.

alisha29 · 03/07/2009 00:17

i have a dislike to people that are rude too senior citzens makes my blood boil but i dont think the op was anyway being nasty just voicing her disaproval of what the lady said.i have many times come across rude sc's and young people(this 17 year old tried to push infront of a 80 year old man and the scummy teenager punched him to the ground) but i grin and bear it because i will be a sc in 40 years and i hate disrespect.

alisha29 · 03/07/2009 00:18

hmmmm posted twice.

EyeballsandherSunburntNorks · 03/07/2009 00:56

Seeker that's the beauty of language surely? Conversation, written or otherwise would be boring as hell if everything was confined to the very bare facts. Description helps to set the scene regardless of what is being discussed, it doesn't always have to have negative connotations unless you choose to read into it.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 03/07/2009 08:00

I too read into the "old" bit the overturning of the convention that you show more respect to an old person and therefore having a go at her is more controversial than having a go at any randomly aged individual on a bus.

sarah293 · 03/07/2009 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LupusinaLlamasuit · 03/07/2009 09:02

Well, let's have a look at some of the examples from early on in the thread shall we?

horrible old cow
nasty old crones charming old dears

Both from the OP

old woman on my bus with a huge shopping trolley moaning

snotty old gits on buses. I am afraid to say it is women as well in particular [way to go ABD, two sweeping generalisations in one go...]

I beg to differ that these are 'just' descriptive and not ageist...

OrmIrian · 03/07/2009 09:40

Well exactly lupus. It's very prevalent.

I think it's a collective terror - we're all going to be there one day so we go into denial. I think there is nothing more tragic than being old, losing many of your friend and family, seeing the world you know slipping away and then being chastised by younger people for simply being old, slow, doddery or bad-tempered. A little empathy and tolerance is needed.

Littlepurpleprincess · 03/07/2009 09:56

But don't you think the older generation are equally guilty of ageism? I rarely see them be rude to one another, but there are loads of examples on this thread alone of elderly women being rude to young mothers.

I wouldn't delibrately be rude to someone because of their age, so why is it ok the other way around? And if we stand up to them, we are being ageist (sp)?

And dare ye wear a hoodie! It's cold, I am a fan of Blink 182. That's it. I'm not going to mug you. I'm not going to eat your brains because you've sat next to me.

They are not being chastised for simply being old, it's because they are being RUDE!

OrmIrian · 03/07/2009 10:01

I expect that they are rude to one another. Rude people are rude full stop.

I agree that I wouldn't be rude to someone because of their age either. But some of the comments on this thread are fairly offensive about the elderly.

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