AIBU to expect the private-school-using TA at ds's primary school not to slag it off?

[Huffthemagicdragon]

Ooo I'm feeling annoyed. In my son's reception class at our local primary school (which is lovely and representative of area, ie very mixed socially) there is a volunteer TA, let's call her Mrs X. She is thinking of becoming a teacher, hence the volunteer work. While this is all very kind of her to help out in the class etc, etc, I feel like telling her to feck off.
Firstly, someone told me that Mrs X had said that the school was good but that "she wouldn't send her son there". I enquired why and it was apparently due to large class sizes and mixed ability. Fairly standard in a state school and this woman has had her son down for various ultra posho schools from the off, so she would say that, I suppose.
Then I've just heard that she's been saying (to posho school parents) that the kids in ds' class are at a really low level and are only doing stuff that the kids in the pre-reception class of posh school are doing. Am annoyed because
a) I'm amazed at how much this bunch five year olds are achieving. My ds can write sentences, read a bit, write down sums etc etc. All thanks to great teaching.
b) This is an area where a lot of rich people live and unfortunately most of them drive their kids across London rather than supporting their local school and this sort of talk only encourages it.
c) Feel it's rather indiscreet and breaking some sort of code to talk about my ds's class to people who know him. Or to anyone in fact.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just chill and accept that lots of people think state schools are sink schools on account of their big class sizes and children who haven't been taught to read Tolkein before reception? Or should I mention it to the very approachable head?
Ooo am so furious...

And, crikey, Scaryteacher - you really are scary.

Completely agree Huff.

Considering that my dh teaches in a school 40 miles away from where we live I don;t think that is an option somehow!

The people who send their children to state school know that the teachers are professional and competent, with the requisite qualifications, and that is all they need to know imo. My politics are my own; as is how I spend my salary. I teach according to the curriculum so my values are none of their business. Also, like many other teachers I do put my money where my mouth is buying resources for the classroom so that the students can have decent resources/pens/pencils/rulers, when the parents do not provide them, or cannot afford to.

If you would not enquire about the sexual orientation of a teacher (do you object to your children being taught by homosexuals?), then you have no right to enquire about how a teacher educates their own children. It is intrusive and has no bearing on their ability to teach.

Why am I scary?

'I think I would have an issue with my son being taught by someone who uses private schools for their own children.'

I don't have a problem with this at all. The only thing that matters is 'are they a good teacher?'
You seem to be implying dollius that the private system is superior. I am quite happy with my choice of state schools and wouldn't change it if I could afford to, therefore I couldn't care less what my DCs teacher does with his/her DCs-it isn't relevant.
Lots of teacher in the state system send their DCs to private schools and lots of teachers in the private sector send their DCs to state schools.

Maybe I shouldn't have couched this argument in terms of private vs state, though I think there is some relevance. Having slept on it, I'm still convinced that, assuming it is true, it is very, very unprofessional of her to talk about the classroom outside of it. I also think she needs to think very carefully about her vocation if she sees education only in terms of attainment - this is not hearsay because she has said to me she finds "mixed ability" a difficult concept. In whatever school she teaches in there may be children who aren't high achievers and they are as deserving of their teacher's respect as anyone.

It is very unprofessional for her to talk about it-she simply shouldn't do it. However, the teacher's choice of where she educates her DCs is a different issue and isn't relevant.

Huff - that is what I thought. She does need to think about her vocation and hence my earlier comment about her motive for TA volunteering and becomig a teacher.

It seems like she views high achieving high pressure, high pace independent schools as the ideal.I cannot believe that when she becomes a teacher she intends to do anything else but get a job in exactly that kind of school.

She will get a rude awakening though when she realises that very few kids have the ability or inclination to live with that kind of school. Indeed, she may well be terribly disappointed to find that her own son does not meet the crieteria to get into one of those schools.

I expect he will be coached to within an inch of his life seen it happen.

'A: She plans to get a job in a private school so she can send her kids there and get a fee reduction when they are older.'

So far as I can tell most private schools have now stopped giving any kind of meaningful fee reductions to employers' children.

Perhaps this unfortunate and bitched-about woman possibly just likes being with children and helping them. Perhaps she wants to be a TA to have longer holidays with her children.

Dollius I will put my head on the block too and say I am absolutely with you 100%. If someone teaches in the state system yet sends their kids to private schools then that to me is showing no faith in the system they are employed by. To me this is double standards. If you don't agree with the way the state system is run then don't work in it. I also find the comment 'to make a difference' quite patronising.

Tony Blair was supposedly a Labour prime minister, yet he showed no faith in the system by sending his children across London to a selective school - to me that's a similar thing.

he wasn't/isn't the only one

patronising gits

'The state education system' is a huge very varied entity. My kids go to a small village primary with a max of 20 children in a class -usually much less ,and a grammar school.I am happy with those choices.However if I lived in the catchment of rough low achieving schools then I would think very differently.
Somebody said 'its the schoolmaster I pay ,but the schoolboys who educate my son'.there is a lot of truth in that.I really wouldn't want my kids to go to school with others who had low aspirations or badly behaved or who live on the margins of society.
Educational results reflect the schools intake.I bet i could pick out which reception children now who will pass the 11+ in yr6.

There was something on the today programme recently calling for more information about how people in positions of authority (politicians, bishops, head teachers, editors etc) educate their children. Obviously there are privacy issues, but at the same time I think there would not be this presentation of state schools as these other/under worldie hell holes if more of above people sent their children there. Although it's only 7% of children who go to private schools, it appears as if it's 93% of people with influence and authority, and the remaining go selective/religious a la blair. I don't know why I expend so much energy on the issue when it should be a non-issue given the tiny minority who use private schools, but I am always being forced to question my decision to go state (because we can afford private) and whether I am somehow failing my child. When I'm just sending him to the nearest primary school and he's 5 ffs. People like Mrs X only increase this defensiveness.

"I don't want my kids to go to school with those who live on the margins of society." what an extraordinary comment. Define margins of society please. Do you those who live in council housing, those who have no home, those in care? Which part of society is good enough for your children?

huff, i'm confooooosed.
is she a TA?
or is she a parent helper?

no such thing as a volunteer TA round here, you either are, or you aren't. (we have parent helpers who spend pretty much all week in the classroom and know every child's inside leg measurement as well as running intellectual scoreboards in their heads, but they aren't TAs...)

we do however have ishoos with parent helpers (and the occasional TA) gossiping about the school externally, and tbh it really grips me. our head is always interested to know if there are rumours in the community, and occasionally gets all the helpers in for a coffee and chat on some other pretext (to thank them for their help etc) and also takes the opportunity to remind them about their confidentiality responsibilities. no names, no pack drill...

i know it's all hearsay - depends on your head really. ours is quite on the ball and can deal with this stuff without it being a witch hunt (despite the fact that sometimes i would really really like a good witch hunt... )

Madwoman, she's not a parent-helper because her child is not at the school (cf her remark about she "wouldn't send her son there"). She is a woman who has given up her job and is thinking of becoming a teacher and so is doing this volunteer TA thing three or four mornings a week at the school as experience (she's not getting paid, I presume). I think she's doing it to find out if she likes working with children, but I presume also that it looks good on applications to do a teacher training course. Presumably it's better for her application that it's at a state school.
My ds' teacher doesn't let the parents anywhere near the classroom! Possibly no bad thing...

yes, sorry - 'parent' wasn't accurate, but essentially unpaid helper... are there not any other unpaid helpers in the school then? informal head chit chat wouldn't work then, sorry!

How is it patronising that dh wants to make a difference. Isn;t that the whole messgae of al the teacher training ads, that as a good, enthusiastic teacher you can make a diufference to the children you teach in whatever school in whatever sector.

I find the attitude of some posters on here quite amazing.

We chose a school based on the specific things we wanted for our child which may not be the same as another parent wants. We did not chose the very pushy, posh prep school or the local primary where only SATS results count. I know parentsa of children at both schools who are very happy with them.

The schools in which dh teaches are in a different LA to where we live and if we lived in that area no doubt they would be considered. However at least one of his colleagues is leaving due to poor senior management. Another school is fantastically resourced and having attended their summer production last week I am very impressed with what the children achieved, there are some very talented kids there and everyone is given the opportunity to take part.

However although to my dh teaching is a vocation, the fact if life is that teachers take jobs where they can. Dh would love not to have to travel for example but there are no jobs available closer to home.

If you are happy with your child's school for your child (and remember your child's teacher may live in an area where the local state alternative is totally different) then you should not waste time or energy worrying about where your teacher's child may or may not be educated.

HOwever gosspi about individual schools/children is unprofessional in all sectors.

'My ds' teacher doesn't let the parents anywhere near the classroom!'

How bizarre and sad.

Bamboostalk -By 'People who live on margins of society' I was thinking of Karen Matthews type people ie those whose parents have never had or have no intention of getting a job (as a lifestyle choice).Those whose parents are smackheads or burglars.

I think it sounds like a case of chinese whispers !

Not bizarre and sad at all. Parents in the class can be a nightmare. I know some who are so pushy and it is not good for their children.

The dc's school has special days where all parents spenmd a morning in the class watching and taking part in activities. They also have grandparents day.

But, Katiestar, those kids might have a better chance of escaping the "margins of society" if all children from all walks of life were educated together, rather than segregated at the age of 5 by this two-tier education system we have.

"Karen Matthews type people, burglars, smackheads." Do you think that these people are prevalent in the education system? I think that your posts are very bizarre and narrow minded and also quite misguided.