AIBU to expect the private-school-using TA at ds's primary school not to slag it off?

[Huffthemagicdragon]

Ooo I'm feeling annoyed. In my son's reception class at our local primary school (which is lovely and representative of area, ie very mixed socially) there is a volunteer TA, let's call her Mrs X. She is thinking of becoming a teacher, hence the volunteer work. While this is all very kind of her to help out in the class etc, etc, I feel like telling her to feck off.
Firstly, someone told me that Mrs X had said that the school was good but that "she wouldn't send her son there". I enquired why and it was apparently due to large class sizes and mixed ability. Fairly standard in a state school and this woman has had her son down for various ultra posho schools from the off, so she would say that, I suppose.
Then I've just heard that she's been saying (to posho school parents) that the kids in ds' class are at a really low level and are only doing stuff that the kids in the pre-reception class of posh school are doing. Am annoyed because
a) I'm amazed at how much this bunch five year olds are achieving. My ds can write sentences, read a bit, write down sums etc etc. All thanks to great teaching.
b) This is an area where a lot of rich people live and unfortunately most of them drive their kids across London rather than supporting their local school and this sort of talk only encourages it.
c) Feel it's rather indiscreet and breaking some sort of code to talk about my ds's class to people who know him. Or to anyone in fact.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just chill and accept that lots of people think state schools are sink schools on account of their big class sizes and children who haven't been taught to read Tolkein before reception? Or should I mention it to the very approachable head?
Ooo am so furious...

Yes it does indeed make then genii, or geniuses! LOL makes me wonder if our school is crap, which would be worrying as it is currently the best school in my town (based on year 6 SATS)

I would say that doing lots of academic work in a pre-reception class is a minus rather than a plus.

I think that this is a whole bundle of nothing.

You have no idea what this woman has really been saying to anyone. And even if she is being quoted you have no idea of the context. She could say
" I like the pre-prep because my son is a bit dim and needs smaller classes" and someone who is inclined to want to view her as being snotty would repeat that as
" I think my son deserves smaller classes"

I would be wary. With all the references to ultra posho preps it may be that you are looking for this gossip to confirm your prejudices about pre-prep parents.

If she says something to you directly. If not be wary. This may be a lot of vitriolic gossip about a perfectly nice woman

Pagwatch, I think everyone concerned is probably looking to have their prejudices reinforced, myself included, but equally those that are telling me that it's been said that the level of work at my son's school is low (allegedly!).
You are right about gossip, I shouldn't listen to it. Unfortunately though, the reputations of schools seem to be entirely based on gossip, unfounded or not, and this sort of chat does a very good and constantly improving school no favours.

DH works in very nice private school and we would benefit from vastly reduced fees, but all of our kids go to local state schools. There is so much more to a school than it's SAT's score and we are proud of the fact that DD1 is confident enough to go and catch a bus with her mates in the morning and negotiate her way through a campus with 1800 other kids.

They mix with people from all social backgrounds and have huge amounts of fun. Whenever we visit DH's school (for concerts etc) DD1 always feels sorry for the kids there!!

I would just chill out TBH, school is just one little aspect of their lives.

I like the fact that mine mix with all social backgrounds. I would let it wash over you. I would also ignore what people say that she said-things can get blown out of proportion. If she were to say it to you directly I would mention it to the Head in passing as in 'I was a bit surprised that Mrs x .....'but I wouldn't make a point of seeking her out.

Hmmm, am definitely not going to go to the head with it, but I'm afraid I am still contemplating having a quiet and hopefully low-key word with her.
Or maybe just chill. Oh god, I don't know. Am feeling better about it though and putting message on here has helped me relax about it. A little bit. I am realising that I'm as guilty of gossip and prejudice as she might possibly be, so am in no position to judge.

Controversy alert! I apologise in advance to anyone offended by what I am about to say.

I think I would have an issue with my son being taught by someone who uses private schools for their own children.

I would want him to be educated by people who really believe in the state system, frankly. Someone who doesn't think it is good enough for their own children has not really invested in the state system, imo.

Those kids who do not have the advantages of rich parents with access to private tuition really need people in their corner who are dedicated to making the state system work for everyone.

I was educated privately myself and travelled across London to get to school every day. We used to get jeered at by the local kids when we got the train home and shouted at for being "stuck up".

I really understand where those kids were coming from now.

Ask yourselves this question.

Q: Why is she a TA and plannng to train to be a teacher?

A: She plans to get a job in a private school so she can send her kids there and get a fee reduction when they are older.

Happens all the time in our area. Amazing how many of the teachers have their kids in our school and plainly only took the job for the fee reduction.

She should not be saying what she is saying though. If she does not like state schools don't work there.

She is probably right about the fast pace of the private school - some go at an insane pace and are 2 years ahead of state schools by Year 4 and 3 years ahead by Year 6. Its what they do - but it is not somethng to be proud of or desirable. We moved our kids out of a private school that went at an insane high presure pace to move them to a private school where the kids have a life.

Actually dollious I do find that view point quite offensive. Just because I chose to use the private system for my DD - for a variety of reasons actually - does not mean that I am not committed to the education and well being of the children in my class (currently TA but was a teacher).

I am sorry if you feel that your children would not benefit from my being in their class. Fortunately the parents of the children I have are not prejudiced against me and prefer to judge me on my actual commmittment within the classroom and the work I actually do with their children, including out of school hours.

And I am sorry that you feel that you now understand why local kids feel ok to jeer at children from private schools. Again, I hope that most children know not to do that, that to judge children just because of where they go to school is just as unfair as to judge people on other equally unjestified basis.

Q: Why is she a TA and plannng to train to be a teacher?

A: She plans to get a job in a private school so she can send her kids there and get a fee reduction when they are older.

This is not the case in my experience of people in this situation. I know of two people in this situation - currently TA and planning to be a teacher. Why are they doing it? Because they want to teach, not because they want a reducation in fees besides that plan would backfire big style for most people surely? There are far less jobs available in private schools than in state schools, never mind idolating it to just one or two private schools.

I know Huff

I just had the other end of this . When I chose to send DD to a private school I fell out with at least one friend who chose to believe that because I sent DD to a different school then therefore I must be looking down my nose at her choice.

As it was I very seriously considered two ofthe local schools for DD but was swayed by single sex option and proximity to home ( plus other stuff I won't bore you with )

But everything I said was twisted. It was exhausting and depressing. I was asked about start time for example. I explained when DD started and that it helped me as I had to drop her and then get home in time to put DS2 on his taxi. I then got asked why I thought cramming my DD was a good idea. I said it wasn't cramming - they have group time in class and assembly - that then meant I was accusing her school of ignoring pastoral care.
I know that she then told a friend that I thought her school had too short a day and had no social/community time.
Funnily enough I joked with her about DD having to take a torch out to look atthe stars as being 'homework'. She then said I was suggesting that her DD wasn't being pushed hard enough because she didn't get homework and [sigh]

And all the time I thought her school was great .

Thats all I am concerned about - that she isn't criticising but is being misinterpreted.

But it sounds as though you are perfectly capeable of raising it and clearing it up in a positive friendly way

Hope the chat goes well.

Dollius - the only way I could do my job in a state school was to send ds to a prep as there was cover from 0750 til I picked him up at 1900. It also provided continuity of education as dh is Armed Forces and ds could board if necessary if we got moved quickly.

Having been state educated from the ground up, then yes, I believe that all children deserve a good education, and did my best to provide that. However, teachers do not disappear into a cupboard at the end of the day - they also have school runs and kids and domestics to sort - and for me, prep school for ds took much of the hassle out of my day.

It's none of your business how teachers educate their kids as long as they are educating yours with the requisite degree of competence and enthusiasm. I would argue that all teachers have invested in the state system through their taxes; and more often than not by the amount we have to spend to equip our classrooms and ourselves.

I too find that comment offensive. Dh teaches in state secondary schools, our children are independantly educated.

He believes in the kids that he teaches and his teaching and in most cases the ability of his colleagues.

He does not believe in some of the ways that the state dictates we educate our children or how it is resourced.

Ooh, I knew that would get jumped on.

Doesn't it interest you to know how some parents of the children you teach may feel about you, though?

"It's none of your business how teachers educate their kids as long as they are educating yours with the requisite degree of competence and enthusiasm."

I just don't buy this, sorry.

And, islandofsodor - why are your children independently educated if your DH believes so strongly in the education he provides for other people' children?

Didn't IofS explain that when she said

"He does not believe in some of the ways that the state dictates we educate our children or how it is resourced."

Not really.

If that is so, why does he work as a teacher in the state system?

Sats, funding being pulled from music and drama, kids missing out of a free specialist music workshop because the school only cares about literacy and numeracy, children who are clearly not suitable being allowed onto A level courses. GCSE and A level courses being dropped in favour of easier to pass and good for the league tables Btecs.

These are all things that we disagree with and that have happened in the last 12 months to eother dh or one of his colleagues.

So that he can try and make a difference.

I don't give a damn what the parents think about me - I'm there to educate their kids, not be judged by them. How would they know where my ds goes to school anyway? I don't discuss my personal life in the classroom.

When you become a teacher, you are judged on your professional competence and your ability to get the little dears through their GCSEs; not on your personal life or your domestic arrangements, which are nobody's business except yours. You do NOT sign up to let the parents of your students know how much you earn; how much your dh earns; where you live; where your child goes to school; how you vote, because it is nothing to do with them at all. This is why most teachers choose to live well away from their work.

When a parent explains to me the ins and outs of a gnats arse about their home life then I might reciprocate. Until then, what I do with my ds is my business as is what I spend my salary on. Perhaps all the teachers of your child could prepare a questionnaire for you Dollius? Why is it anything to do with you anyway? Do you ask the bank clerks where they educate their kids, or your Doctor? If you have to have an op, do you give a damn if the surgeon does private cases as well, or do you wait until someone who takes no private patients has a space on their list for you?

The key word for me is "INDEPENDENT" education, not priavte which seems to indicate some sort of snobbish attitude.

We seriously considered home ed, but our children are suited to a social atmosphere and I don;t have the personality for home ed.

I don't know. I am not IofS or her DH.

But personally I can understand why someone would choose a private school for their own child - because they have issues with Sats or with Govt involvement of lesson content or reduction of PE or music etc in the state system. But would still want to teach and teach well within that enviroment.

That is how I read IofS's comments and it made sense to me. You are clearly looking for a barney something more

The bank clerks and the doctor are not educating my child, though, are they?

The parents who entrust their children to you for their education have no right to know anything about your values and whether you actually put your own money where your mouth is?

I don't buy that at all.

"So that he can try and make a difference." I honestly believe that you would make more of a difference by putting your own children into the school.

And no, not looking for a barney. Just genuinely interested in your perspective. Just really want to know if I am missing something here, and so far I can't see it.

I would still prefer my children to be taught by people who also use the state system for their own children.

Blimey, I'm not suggesting that parents be allowed to quiz teachers on their educational choices, religious beliefs or sex lives. However, I do agree with Dollius in that I want teachers who are committed to the school in which they are teaching in. That does not mean that they have to opt for the state system (although that would be nice). But what committed does mean is that they should not go around bad mouthing (allegedly) the school to people who are bound to know children at the school or may have even been considering it themselves.
Generally I'm a bit fed up with the fact that the state schools in this country, although used by the vast majority, seem to be denigrated in the press (apparently no national newspaper editors send kids to state schools) and demonised. I think that it benefits everyone, however they choose to educate their child, to support their local school in whatever way they can.
And breathe...