AIBU to not go along with my husband who wants to sack our cleaner?

[Danceaway]

She gets a lot done in 2 1/2 hrs but dh nitpicks about things she misses (dust in crevice in bathroom after supopsedly mopped); I said we've got a big house and she needs more time! He said Get someone else. I have a good relationship with her after 18 mo's of weekly visits. I stay in the house (dh insists) while she's here - so I know how hard she works. I don't think anyone else would do a better job and don't want to have to find another cleaner I like and trust who can do the hours I need on the day I want. But dh is in a right strop.
He also doesn't think I iron his shirts well enough (despite investing in steam generator iron which is amazing); he'd like our cleaner to do them but when she did them before he said they weren't good enough. I think he just wants to sack her as he is a miserable sod who doesn't like me having help with 'my job' when he doesn't get help with his!! Help!

I've only read the first page but how neurotic and bizarre must your DH be to say "its the cleaner or me"?!?!?!?! Surely that isnt a normal thing to say unless the cleaner is setting light to the rugs to smoke weed and weeing on his clothes?????

lol..this is a joke right?...has to be.

I still think that if you refuse to get into a conversation about it with him, he will not be able to obsess about it.

Don't answer the phone when cleaner is at home and go out if you want to. If he is indeed calling you to check if you are at home, he is indeed allowing himself to become obsessed by it.

You should be able to make a decision yourself as to whether she is trustworthy enough to leave in your house. Especially as you are the person who sees her every week. And after all, he trusts you to look after his children, who are surely more precious than the house and possessions

I agree this is not a reason to split up over as long as it's only in this area that he is controlling. However, if it is part of other controlling behaviours, it would be more worrying.

Cheers all; daftpunk not a joke!! Not funny enough really
DHtoo, you're right iro kids/possessions. Just his way of keeping involved I think; he's said in past he feels sidelined by me when house/kids are all running smoothly without him. Think he is trying to stick an oar in where it's not welcome! Maybe I need to make him feel more important and involved somehow..! Dittany you are bang on the money, his is v macho culture at work. He's one of the good/normal guys - I used to work with him so I know.

Modrin I have good relationship with our cleaner, she does it while her DM looks after youngest, has elder kids at school - she gets cash & independence; also does contract cleaning so has banter with girls at work, something all SAHM's miss? (know I do). She is very positive and does it to keep busy and out the house for a bit as much as if not more than for the money. Agree it's not everyone's cup of tea!

It's reading about crappy men like this which make me glad I am now a single Mum. Arseholes some of them - how do you put up with it. Crap - just crap.

Okay I may be a bit anti-men just now but honestly - they seem to be either feckless fecking tossers or high achieving perfectionists who expect nothing less than perfection from their women and their cleaners. I hate them sometimes.

Okay that was VERY anti-men. Sorry

Ask him to spend a week off cleaning the house to his perfecting standards and only give him two hours a day to do it. That should give him the message that this is not possible.

Sorry, sorry , sorry - that was a dreadful post I just made.

i too haven't read all the posts but i think id keep the cleaner and sack your husband.
(i bet thats been said already aswell hasn't it...!)

Thing is, this is your domain. You're the SAHP so you run the house. In the same way as you don't expect him to consult you on his choice of PA, you don't expect to have to consult him re the cleaner. So he's not happy with some of her work - well like I said, two hours is bugger all time to do a big house. Can you ask her to focus on certain rooms and you do others. And for goodness' sake, leave the house when she comes! You trust her don't you? So why if your husband says he doesn't, when he's met her what - once? if ever? - are you capitulating to him? Tell him you trust her implicitly, it's a complete waste of your time to be hanging round the house while she's there and he's being absurd. Laugh at him. I would. If he's that stressed at work, I cannot believe he can find the time to call you every week at the same time to check you're in. That's bloody ridiculous.

And FWIW - I have cleaned houses in the past to make a living and I fully intend to again once I leave London - it's a pretty cushy £8-10 an hour compared to most menial jobs!