AIBU to not go along with my husband who wants to sack our cleaner?

[Danceaway]

She gets a lot done in 2 1/2 hrs but dh nitpicks about things she misses (dust in crevice in bathroom after supopsedly mopped); I said we've got a big house and she needs more time! He said Get someone else. I have a good relationship with her after 18 mo's of weekly visits. I stay in the house (dh insists) while she's here - so I know how hard she works. I don't think anyone else would do a better job and don't want to have to find another cleaner I like and trust who can do the hours I need on the day I want. But dh is in a right strop.
He also doesn't think I iron his shirts well enough (despite investing in steam generator iron which is amazing); he'd like our cleaner to do them but when she did them before he said they weren't good enough. I think he just wants to sack her as he is a miserable sod who doesn't like me having help with 'my job' when he doesn't get help with his!! Help!

I take it he was joking when he said its him or the cleaner? Personally, i would give the cleaner a call, ask her if she can spare an extra couple of hours this week. Then, get her to come and help you pack your DHs bags - he's moving into the shed/kennel/greenhouse !

My dh knows very well that there is a simple answer to any laundry queries he may have.

It is to do it himself!

If he sees 'housekeeping' as your job, he should not interfere. Does he think he is your boss?

I think you should start telling him what to do at his job. How would he like it if you did that?

Tel him you are balloting for strike action and you have Bob Crow on your side

Your DH does sound an arse, there's no 2 ways about it, but can I ask if you have a job, and if you have children how old are they? If you have no job and kids are at school, he may be questioning why you need a cleaner?

I think the OP has said she doesn't work - depends on the age of the children, but if they're at school all day erm isn't that when you do the cleaning?

Lots of SAHM have cleaners! Fucking hell, they are SAH mums not SAH cleaners.

Getting a good cleaner who will also do ironing well is very hard. We were lucky to have one in London who we trusted DS1 as a baby sitter with. We were happy to pay above the going rate to keep her.

Keep the cleaner. DH planly does not have a clue what it takes to clean a house. I think your cleaner is a wonder and cannot believe he issued that ultimatum.

Of course they are SAH mums not SAH cleaners. But when the youngest is at school it's not unreasonable to assume they'll put the Hoover round and tidy up a bit.
Not sure why that suggestion causes such offense tbh.

Yes but nametaken we're only enquiring as to the home situation of the OP. If her kids were at school perhaps the DH would feel resentful that he works, she doesn't and has a cleaner too. Really, someone with 5 child free days a week could manage to fit in house cleaning. Anyway, not that we know the age of the kids etc but just saying it might not be as black and white as it looks

Well i have 2 children (4 and 18 months) and am 3 weeks away from number 3 arriving and i can safely say DH would be out the door before my cleaners .

As others have said though - if children are at school i can understand husband perhaps being resentful of cleaner if OP doesn't have a job. But to be fair he just sounds like a knob anyway.

Yes he is a knob and I have told him so. He answered my message kindly, saying he will work out whether we are getting value for money if I can tell him what the cleaner does. Doh, like I can't even judge this for myself. I am very cross indeed. We have 2 dd's one at school one at preschool. DH also expects dinner on table and doesn't get involved in bedtime except to do the occasional story with dd1 when I have tidied her room/done bathtime/teeth etc. When they are both at school I fully intend to keep cleaner, think I deserve it! I am not not working thru choice, we don't have relatives to do childcare and I don't want to pay someone to look after dd2 when I couldn't earn more than I'd be paying them anyway.

Kitsmummy, you put it so much better than I did.

OUr house is a similar size (maybe little smaller).

I have 3 cleaners who come as a team once a week. They are here for just over an hour, and clean basement and ground floor one week and first floor and attic the other week.

You sound really happy with your cleaner, and that is so so important. I find myself nitpicking, but the set up we have works ok - not least because they are in and out so quickly I don't feel that I need to/want to supervise.

I can't bear cleaning and, so long as we can afford it, will definitely be outsourcing it. Irrelevant whether or not DCs are at school are not - I have much better things to do with my time as I am sure does the OP.

Yes I am happy with her; she's v reasonable and the thought of finding someone else as good fills me with dread - especially as I'd only be doing it to appease he who can obviously not be appeased. DH is being so unreasonable. Not sure how to make him see this!

Make a list of exactly what the cleaner does, get him to do it all (to at least as good a standard), time how long it takes him, work out how much it would cost for him to do the cleaning (his hourly rate for his job x the number of hours he spent cleaning), then allow him to compare how much he costs vs how much the cleaner costs. He could then establish whether or not she is better value for money than he is!

Thanks stillstanding, was feeling like I had to justify cleaner when kids will be full time come autumn. We both had fulfilling career type jobs pre kids and I gave it up to be SAHM - my company wouldn't have me back unless I did at least 4 days/wk and would have been out of house from 7 till 7. DD1 slept for 12 hrs min & daytime naps so this was non starter! Leaving all that behind was really hard but am looking forward to finding something to do for me when kids start school, eg college courses, gym; when haven't been able to while dd2 still mostly at home.

Can I vote for sacking your DH too? Your cleaner sounds great! My DH would never speak to me like that!

I'd be quite tempted to tell DH that I'd sacked the cleaner but not actually do it and see if he thinks the 'new' cleaner is an improvement. Along with
igivein's suggestion of getting him to do all the tasks in the time allocated.

Frankly I would love to have a cleaner as I hate doing the housework and don't believ that being a SAHM means you have to be a skivvy the whole time.

Tbh, I wouldn't even get into a discussion about it with him and certainly would not be giving him lists of what she does.

Tell him to mind his own 'staff' and you'll worry about yours!

Has he not got enough to do at work or something? What does he do out of interest?

2.5hrs to clean and iron isnt alot, esp as you say your house is big

you are there, and know she is working hard, and not skivving, so TELL dh that he can do the cleaning and ironing each week, and see if he manages it in 2.5hrs

our cleaner irons for 2hrs a week, and cleans for 4

maybe get cleaner to do 3hrs a week to get the bits that she misses

Agree with everyone else, your DH is being very unreasonable.

I sacked our cleaner recently, she was here for 3 hours to do a similar sized house and found time to use my hair straightners (and God knows what else).

If I had someone who would clean well in that time, for a reasonable amount then I am damn sure that I would not let her go because DH was throwing a hissy fit.

Show him this thread.

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