To think my Mum should *help* when she comes to stay?

[LittleOneMum]

PLEASE tell me what you think - had a real row with her last night and I need some honest views. Feel all shaky today - I hate arguments!
OK, so my Mum lives in another country. She chose to move there a few years ago. Anyway, she sees DS every couple of months because of this. My PIL come every fortnight or so, because they're about 3 hours drive away.
Anyway, she arrived for a 10 day stay on Sunday night. DH had been at work since 7am and I had been looking affter DS so when she arrived I asked if she could pop out to the shop to buy some bread for lunch. At the time she said nothing.
Yesterday I was at work all day and she hung out with DS and his nanny. Last night, she sat on the couch and watched the Andy Murray match and when I came home she said "What's for dinner?". I am ashamed to say that I said "I have no idea. What's in the fridge? Did you get a chance to buy anything today?"
To which she responded "I'm your guest. I shouldn't have to cook. And by the way, I was really shocked that I had to buy my own lunch yesterday. Couldn't you have done some shopping? If you had come to my house, I would have had lunch ready for you!"
I did not take kindly to this, to put it mildly. I said that PIL usually bloody help and she is not here just as a guest. I work f/t and have a toddler and frankly she is also here to help!
She went to her room at 8pm and I haven't seen her since. Am now at work thinking I am the most selfish and horrid daughter in the world. AAAARGH.
Please help. Am I being unreasonable. i feel like telling her to get lost back home immediately and I would, save that I think that DS having a granny around is actually quite nice,and important. Sorry this is so long.

yeah yeah yeah - shes said that - read the thread keep up.

shes apologised and got her mum chocolates

will a fucking acceptance of the advice given - and apology - and a box of chocolates not suffice for the MN jury

JESUS

well done on your gracious apology. I hope you have a lovely time with your mum visiting

well done on your gracious apology. I hope you have a lovely time with your mum visiting

Good on you for taking the criticisms on board! And good on you for apologising.

I think you were just a bit thoughtless really.

Next time do the internet shop before she comes. Have meals planned for the first few days at least.

I don't think you can expect her to help really. She had her children and brought them up. She has come to see you and spend time with you and her grandchild. I am sure she will help but it may well be by playing with and spending time with your child rather than cooking etc. And if she lives in another country I would say that developing a relationship with her grandchild is as important as helping you.

Hope she shared the chocolates!

Yes I think you're right custard. Wise words

Well done for sorting it out LittleOneMum. You have done the right thing. I do sympathise with you though, dh's mother is a bit like this and does not a thing when at our house (or indeed when we are at her house either).

Sorry - i think you are being unreasonable. To expect her there to help or to be of help to you is a little selfish on your part. She is a guest, you knew she was coming and should have prepared for such an eventuality. She shouldn't offer to help with dinner and you shouldn't expect it. She is also not a mind reader so unless you say "i have not had time to get anything for dinner so if you have a chance today do you mind?" how is she supposed to know that you are expecting her to be a maid service whilst you are out?

And te working full time is irrelevant in the situation. Lots of people work full time, have guests and cook for them whilst looking after toddlers.

Make peace - she is your mum and only here for a short stay.

OK, so it is all sorted out

I decided that mere chocolates were not enough, so I bought her a really lovely necklace and a card and we had a tearful apology session (me saying sorry again, and my tears as well actually!). I told her that I had been thoughtless and cooked big dinner and all is fine now.

It's actually quite a shocker realising that you aren't as nice as you think, and I think I've even learnt a valuable lesson.

Thanks to everyone again!

Awww glad it is all sorted LOM - hope that you both enjoy the rest of her stay (and she shares her choccies with you!)

I can understand where you are coming from completely. My MIL expects me to do her housework when i visit her, yet expects full hotel treatment when she comes here. I narrowly escaped her coming to stay with myself and my two week old first born recently she said she wanted to come "to train me" !!!!

We've all been there LOM! We all like to think that we are lovely all the time its not the case though is it?
Well done on apology...I hate saying sorry.

Well done LittleOneMum! I am sure your mum appreciates it and will have dinner cooked and ready waiting for you when you come home one of these nights (don't count on it though so it will be a nice surprise when it happens! ).

Wellll who invited who. Did you invite your mother to come stay or did she invite herself?