to be angry with those parents who have let down their overweight dc

[frumplump]

Overweight parents who allow their own issues to destroy their own dc's good health, what are they thinking?

I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately. Teenage girls have a difficult time at the best of times, it's just plain cruelty for her parents to have allowed her to become so unhealthily big. She found walking difficult ffs! They say parents will outlive their children. What's going on? How can parents be so cruel?

If a child was half as underweight as many children are overweight their parents would be prosecuted for abuse. I think there needs to be more of an incentive for parents not to feed their kids crap.

It's just as easy to pop a brown pitta in the toaster and a spoonful of hummus as it is to chuck a child a chocolate bar...

Orange juice or smoothies are not much more expensive than coke or fanta and water is virtually free.

I judge overweight people because the vast majority of them are lazy and greedy. I refuse to believe anyone doesn't know an apple is healthier than a packet of crisps.

FWIW I do agree people have different builds and what might be fat on one person could look good on another but I also think our judgement has been skewed. Its haelthy to see ribs on pre-pubescent children, they are supposed to be skinny, too often people judge children on what would be haelthy for an adult, I know of a 10 year old who is about 5ft and about 8-9 stone, if she was 40 that'd be fine but at 10 5-6 stone would be healthier...

Hecates - that is an excellent post.

We had dinner last weekend with one of DP's two first cousins. I hadn't seen him or his wife for a year.

In one year, DP's cousin's wife has slimmed from over 100 to 65 kg. She is over 6 foot, so at 70 kg she is slim and gorgeous! She is also a very good looking woman.

She is fantastically happy but says that, at 47, this is the first time in her life that she has been a normal, healthy weight. She is full of hatred for her mother who, all her childhood, undermined her because of her weight while in fact overfeeding her.

65 kg

I do actually think that a lot of processed food is addictive. It is hard to say no.

Yes hecates I can relate to a fair bit of that. I admire your honesty x

that makes me want to cry well done hecate for sharing that , that gives more insight to me than any other post.

'I blame my mother for making me into a fat child. She had NO right to do that. She had the power, she had the control, it was up to HER to keep me healthy as a child.'

I agree. I don't know what to say to help-obviously when you have been overfed the wrong foods in your formative years you can't suddenly do it yourself when your body is used to overloading. I take back what I said earlier about the girl mentioned in OP-I think I said that she could slim down now that she is older-I know that is too simplistic. You are already doing well, Hecates-best wishes.

"I judge overweight people because the vast majority of them are lazy and greedy"

I actually think that this attitude has is a huge part of the obesity crisis. Fat people feel judged, therefore, they are less likely to leave the house and get less and less fir. Food turns into their best friend and their worse enemy.

We do not judge any other type of addict as harshly.

Hectates - fascinating post, well done.

There are definitely people out there that act as 'feeders' sounds like your mum was one.

I agree that there are some very unpleasant attitudes to fat people but, by the same token, my overweight friends and family will readily label me as 'boring' or 'obsessed' if i refuse second helpings.

Last week I met a mum who told me she had moved her dd to a new school because she was being bullied. At the new school she is also being bullied because she is fat according to the mum. So the mum is sending her to a special sport class for overweight dc.

The mum herself is overweight yet goes to a gym EVERY day. I wondered then how come she is overweight and she says it is because they eat so many crisps and things like that.

I really found it bizarre that she had not considered changing their diet. She says she just likes that kind of food.

Now the little girl is at least moving around, when she is grown up and perhaps working full-time yet eating the same way, what then?

There is an interesting article in the Sunday Times junk foods trigger our bliss points
They become additive as tobacco.

I never saw the school nurse when my DS's were weighed - we just got a letter home saying what weight they were and how tall. That was it.

had either DS1 or 2 been overweight at that stage then it would have been up to me to contact the school nurse about it following on from the letter home.

"The system" to follow is only easy to follow up until they get weighed.

After that once again it's down to the parents to actually do something.

The OP is talking about OBESE parents of obese children. Yes Hecate is one of those who was physiologically damaged as an adult (that doesn't sound quite right but I hope ou know what I mean Hecate ) but knew how to correct the problems for her children. There are I'm sure many other Obese parents who are mentally unable to break the barriers and give their children healthy food while sorting out their own food issues.

The same things happen with other issues

• Messy house - gets to a squalor state - some people are able to find the help to sort it out. Others live like that for years as they don't know who/how/where to turn for help.

• Debt - some people are able to source the help to dig themsleves out of it, others can't and find themselves slipping further and further into a financial mess.

In many cases it all comes back to childhood doesn't it?

My DD now 20 tells me she hates the drink Coke- and added "Probably because you never let me have it as a child". Too right I didn't.

I had a conversation with my Mum today about my son trying to find a suit that fits ( no- he is not overweight!) and she said "Do you remember when you couldn't get a coat to fit your fat arms- you were about 13."

Yes, I do remember- it was horrible. Thankfully my Mum saw the likely scenario and out me on a "diet"- she was doing the cooking, and it was all lovely and healthy- but I just ate too much. They banned me from having 2nd helpings and stopped making puddings.

Thanks Mum again. CHD is prevalent in her side of the family- her brother died at 50 from it- so I want to make sure that me and my kids do the best we can for our health.

Hecate, you are so right.

My mother overfed me and I ended up an overweight child and teen. In her case it was comfort eating and food as treats all the time as life at home was not always happy. She has never done any exercise and still believes food is her best friend. She has always been overweight.

Luckily once I left home, I lost weight by eating much more healthily and I now do lots of exercise

I agree - as parents it is up to us to to ensure our children eat healthily and exercise enough.

and to those that said the school nurse has little impact - of course it doesn't - I've said it before - and I'll say it again - so many of these thinks are interlinked with other social/health/general well being issues and there needs to be more outreach and family support type workers - not "nurses" - many people will shun a nurse because it's an "authority" interferring, a lot of people will poor well being need someone coming in along side them - not on top of them initially.

I remember reading some time ago that there is something used in the flavouring in crisps and similar potato snacks which can be addictive, pisces.

Will have a look at your link.

I have to admit i can splurge very easily on crisps and stuff myself....

Hello again! Back from family tennis provided free from the Council!

Hecates I am truly sorry sbout what you've gone through and I can honestly say that young lady I've referred to is embarking on the same sad path as you from what I heard.

By the way, by 'you' I was being generalistic to the myth that says all fat people are happy.

I also agree that anorexia etc is a terrible eating disorder too, I was at the leisure centre once where a seriously skeletal woman was emerging from doing an hour of lengths in the pool.

So no, hatred is bad but no one was advocating that.

Would local mentoring help? Someone to share issues with, go on walks with and help with recipes etc? Or would that be condescending? I would be the first to volunteer if I thought it could help just one person who is seeking help in their battle to lose weight. I don't think leaving it to the govt would work because it would be against authority and all that entails.

I would love it if someone who is seriously obese could answer.

• how "holier than thou" can you get??

Just after lunch - just come back from a fun, healthy family swimming trip, now back from family tennis (lucky you that you get it free - tennis way out of our price bracket should my DS's be interested in the future).

S'pose you're off out to family Aerobics after dinner are you

oh - and welcome to MN btw - just seen it's your first thread

Hecate that is what I thought this thread was about tbh the responsibility as a parent to feed your child well and healthily.the whole 'its quicker' or 'i can't be arsed' attitude really puzzles me when it is your own child.You sound like a good mum who is on the case now.Good luck!

Faq- that's a bit mean....

you sound jealous.

FAQ I shall go and look if I can find the information for you, as I am sure it is country wide for the free tennis.

Would you also feel angry if you see a very underweight girl who's mum doesn't allow her to eat because she 'wants her slim and pretty'? Tbh where i live i see these cases more often. I don't know any obese child but i know 3 with anorexia. Many tenage girls have no periods and our dds generation will have huge fertility problems.

Both extremes (obese or anorexic) are not good but i wouldn't get angry at people who belong to either group because in both cases the root of the problem is emotional (depression, anxiety etc).

here

My dd had tennis at school and the lessons where free for a while by a coach from a local club, the idea was to gain there interest and then get them to use the free court.

mrs merryweather- I often feed my younger child food in the supermarket. Not becuase I fear he will keel over but it is the only way to stop him running away/ screaming at the sheer boredom of it all.
He usually munches on a head of organic broccoli though. Does that make it better?