to be angry with those parents who have let down their overweight dc

[frumplump]

Overweight parents who allow their own issues to destroy their own dc's good health, what are they thinking?

I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately. Teenage girls have a difficult time at the best of times, it's just plain cruelty for her parents to have allowed her to become so unhealthily big. She found walking difficult ffs! They say parents will outlive their children. What's going on? How can parents be so cruel?

It is an issue for the parents too. I think there is a lot of support out there for adults who want to lose weight- it is hard to break bad habits though and I don't condemn anyone frankly.
I think the government are trying to approach families on a healthy eating lifestyle, but it does get up my nose. I've seen thin people sneering at overweight people in the supermarket, checking out what's in there trolley, laughing at them etc
One woman even gave me a filthy look for giving DS a gingerbread man and I am skinny and short!
There's no need to go round judging everyone

*LisaD8- well done on your weight loss.

BUT they ARE being cruel- did you not read my earlier post where I said that in the north east some families have had their children put into care as they were so overweight it was being classed as cruelty/child neglect?

They aren't being cruel in a premeditated way- but it's no different surely from telling your kids to go and play on the motoway? HArm will come to them.

'With the likes of frumpy pointing their finger at me do I really want to take my big, sweaty, red-faced, lumbering body out to pounds the streets so th neighbours can laugh at me? It's too embarrassing so I'll stay at home. It's the same at the gym - full of holier than thou, I'm skinny-you're not types. Hell on earth.

This is rubbish-it is in the mind of the overweight person-everyone would be thinking 'well done'. I admit it is embarrassing-I don't think that I have a very good running style-it isn't something I want to do in public so I go before 7am and see no one. I remember one woman on TV who was obese and lost a lot of weight, she was too embarrassed to run so she used to set out in coat and handbag and make it look as if she was catching a bus. When she got down to a reasonable size she bought a tracksuit. I got bored with the gym but I went to one with all shapes and sizes and those with baggy Tshirt and shapeless jogging bottoms-I would choose your gym carefully and if they all look super fit with designer gear, avoid it.
If you don't want to run just go fast walking for half an hour a day.
Half the problem is portion size. Use a smaller plate. It can be done, but you have to want to do it.

Lisad your mum and gran may have been over weight and uneducated but that hasn't stopped you making changes and losing weight and eating healthier for the sake of your whole family ( well done btw)so that blows the old 'its all I know' argument away as there is so much info out there nowadays.If it is lack of eduation then that is one thing but those who simply can't be bothered are cruel.How can it be more convenient if it causes your child harm?

Last year I went to Cornwall on holiday and there were whole overweight families on the beach but they were eating the wrong things. We bought a pizza one night and they were selling pizza and chips!!

What about the ideas that were floated a while back about the NHS restricting certain services to obese individuals on the grounds that the success rate is low and the money wasted?
If asking nicely, lots of advice and being polite isn't working, how far should we as civilised individuals go to improve the overall health of the nation?
Compulsory fatcamps? Removal of babies from morbidly obese parents? Fines?

I think it's a very valid point that the more we sneer and point at obese people then the more housebound they will become. Surely the ones who are out and about have some hope?

GC- I think it is happening to a degree anyway in that certain ops won't be carried out unless the person loses weight first.

We do use smaller plates. Have been for years.
I have an excercise bike - have been doing 45 minutes about 3/4 times a week - it makes no difference.

Is the smaller prtion thing true? I have always wondered. I eat lots and lots (and lots of fairly healthy stuff and am thin.
Maybe try no carbs after lunch, sh. The weight falls off.

SH- okay- this will work- you need to calorie count. Get a book on food/calories, or look online.

For a woman you need around 1000-1500 cals a day to lose weight. (If you eat around 200-300 cals a day less than you need, over a week you should lose 2lbs.)

Yu might need to set your bike on a harder setting- how much resistance is there? Are you raising your heart rate much? Are you breaking into a sweat and getting slightly breathless- if not, you need to adjust your bike.

If I am calorie-conting does that mean that I have to obsessivley weigh things?
I am a bit sweaty and wobbly-legged after cycling. The displays says that I burn up 250 calories.

I think there's so much more to it than parents being uneducated about healthy eating, although that is definitely a part of it. IMO in alot of cases, overeating is a symptom of an emotional problem too. Many overweight people use food as a comfort, or a crutch, and teach their DC by example.

I think if overweight people want the help, it should be offered alongside counselling, and with encouragement and support, not accusations of how poor their parenting skills are.

I have a friend who is stick thin, but her DD is 5'0 and 18 st. In this case, my friend was v. v. hungry as a child, and was given v. v. small portions, so she was always hungry, even straight after eating. This left my friend with a deep seated fear of her DD ever being hungry, so she overcompensated, preparing lavish meals of whatever her DD desired every time her DD uttered the words 'I'm hungry'. This friend is happy to cook a substantial meal at 10pm if her DD complains she is hungry, and this is all down to her fear that her DD will feel the way she did as a child. As a result, and because DD is pretty much left to her own devices ignored, apart from when she is having food prepared for her, DD has grown up to associate food with receiving love and attention, so it's become an emotional problem.

Even my HV told me that she finds alot of mothers from when their DC are born, will feed their babies whenever they cry, even if the baby has just been fed, and the babies grow to associate love and attention with food, because the parents don't know what else to do when their babies cry, these parents quite often go on to reward their children with food treats, instead of any other treats, and the cycle goes on.

So partly down to education, but it's not as easy as just re educating parents, it's supporting them through the reasons why they overeat and overfeed their children in the first place IMO.

When all is said and done, you have a responsibility to care for your child. And part of that means their physical health and emotional well-being.

There are some (some) children who are overweight due to medical problem, or medication and there's nothing that can be done, but most overweights kids are like that because they don't get the right food, or portion size or enough exercise.

That is the parents' fault! It is. It simply is. Now, I doubt that any parents sits down and says right, let me make my child as fat as possible, that would be fun. Mostly it is their own bad relationship with food, or expressing love through food, or being unable to say no, or a million other things, and they need educating not insulting, but when all is said and done it is still of their doing. Their fault. Their offering of food that has caused the problem.

I'm not being all sanctimonious with my skinny children btw. ds1 is slim but ds2 is getting chubby (after years of being a skeleton due to severe anaemia and loss of appitite and energy as a result) and as a very fat woman I am terrified. I am trying to cut him down and up his exercise without letting him know what I am doing so that he doesn't feel bad. But it's all down to me and not doing anything is not an option. and that's how I feel about it - your child's health is all down to you and not doing anything is not an option.

Education and support are key but at the end of the day a child's health cannot be allowed to be ruined because we want to spare the feelings of the parent.

SH- how many cals are you allowing yourself a day?

How do you cal count if you don't weigh? You might not need to weigh at all depending on how you measure the cals. eg- some guides are per spoonful/ item etc etc. eg an "average" banana is xx cals. An average egg is 60 cals.

The best way to do it is to weigh something ONCE then you get a good diea of size/cals.

It's things like fats/marg that are very high in cals and you might be having lots more than you imagine.

Also, don't assume that "healthy foods" are low calorie- there was a TV prog a few weeks back that showed how a large bowl of fresh fruit salad ( with grapes and bananas etc) had as many cals as a muffin or a full roast chicken dinner!

If anyone is interest I found the article from Diabetes UK. I am not going to write the whole thing out here and they don't seem to do online publications, but here's the highlights: -

It claims: 7 in 10 parents of overweight children cannot tell that their child has a weight problem.

Researchers weighed and measured more than 600 children aged 6 and 8 and found that almost 70% of parents whose children were overweight said their children were not overweight.

This study was funded by The National Prevention Research Initiative, backed by UK Government departments, research councils and medical charities, including Diabetes UK.

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So if the parents can't even tell their child is overweight, how are they suppose to do something about it? And does anyone else think that maybe these parents are just in denial?

I think you are being simplistic in your assessment of only blaming the parents. I have two children - one is lithe and slim, the other is mildly overweight. The food at home is all nutritious, all home-cooked, no junk food, no crisps or chocolate or sweets or biscuits in the house. The DCs only drink water or milk or freshly squeezed juice. Both do some form of sport every day.

The issue we have is one of appetite. DS adores his food. He was like this from birth - breast fed on demand and he just fed all day long. Big fat cuddly baby. He adores food now, cooks regularly, enjoys putting a meal together and enjoys eating more. We have to control his portion sizes rigidly.

On the point about not being able to tell that children are overweight - the problem is that we live in a society where lots and lots of people are overweight. So it becomes acceptable and normal. I travel a lot and it never ceases to amaze me when I come back to the UK, to see just how fat we are in this society. I think people just get a distorted view of normality, rather than being in denial.

I find this Quattrocento. DS1 is tall and slim, we call him the human dustbin but he isn't bothered about food-if he misses a meal he doesn't think to eat something else. DS2 loves his food, especially the foods that are bad in large quantities. DS2 was chubby aged around 10-13yrs-then he had a growth spurt and liked his new shape. He is careful to keep it that way. He goes to the gym a lot and runs half marathons-he is aiming for a full marathon next year. It isn't fair, but you have to work with the body that you have and not just say that you can't lose weight. Food taken in has to be used up as energy going out.

I used to think that Americans were fat as a nation but we have caught up and I think that portion sizes have increased, without us noticing.

I was talking to a public health professor in the North East recently. He said bashing parents of obese children does not help, quite the opposite. Says parents in deprived areas, especially, are already suspicious or frightened of people in authority as they have been let down or fear disapproval, so they don't ask for help.

What does work is support - he's been involved in several schemes in deprived parts of Newcastle where you offer people cookery classes and exercise, with the emphasis on fun and getting the whole family involved, from grandparents to toddlers.

'I've not noticed any fat kids at my son's private school, but saw several at the party we went to today that had quite a few people from a 'less well off background'

So being fat/overweight is only for the less well off now, is it? How offensive!

Yes, it's about portion control as well as the types of food. This strikes me in restaurants - the calories in an average two-course meal without a dessert are probably enough for a full day. The temptation to over-eat is all around us and it's hard work saying no and instilling a sense of self-discipline in our children.