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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my doctor has overstepped the mark by sending me this letter?

286 replies

evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 11:15

I am a regular but I'm afraid I have namechanged because there WILL be hostility on this thread

Basically my ds2 hasn't had all his preschool immunisations, because when we received his initial appointment we deferred it because we really weren't sure we wanted him to have the MMR booster (I KNOW what many people think of this attitude, I really do)

I've just had a letter from our GP which starts

"Dear Mum and Dad

It is with some alarm that I've heard from our practice nurse that XXX has not attended multiple appointments for his preschool immunisations"

whatever you think about children not being immunised - does my GP have the right to order me to immunise him? Or am I right in feeling that it's legally our decision and the letter is inappropriate?

To be clear - I'm not asking for views on parents deciding not to immunise (although I realise I am going to get them anyway), I'm asking about the legal position of the parents and the GP and whether he can in fact strong-arm us into having them if we don't want to.

OP posts:
BelleWatling · 27/06/2009 13:54

I too loathe this chatty informality that public communications have taken on recently (e.g. ringing National Rail and the machine says things 'hang on there, let's just get those times for you, OK here we go') so YANBU on the 'mum and dad' front.

'alarmed' - bad choice of word - 'concerned' would be better but he's a doctor, not a copywriter. I doubt he would have much time to agonise over a thesaurus.

In the grand scheme of things you shouldn't be putting so much store by the details. He's not your personal therapist or friend, he's writing to remind you about boosters. Ring him up and tell him that your DC is not having them. Otherwise he will keep contacting you and you will keep getting wound up.

Original poster
evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 13:54

Odd attitude about "free healthcare" too. It's not "free", it's paid for with public money. I'm at the implication that I should be grateful and accepting of any medical involvement my children are offered because it's "free".

The NHS is a publically funded institution - it belongs to US - it's not looking a gift horse in the mouth to refuse a vaccination fgs

OP posts:
posieparker · 27/06/2009 14:03

He wasn't ordering you, he was reminding you. You did not mention in your post that you were thinking about it, thinking about what exactly? Whether preventing your child and others from fatal diseases is worth a visit to a doctor?

My post wasn't ignorant but your OP is.

Perhaps the GP was alarmed because he's seen someone die of measles.

Greensleeves · 27/06/2009 14:04

Did you only read the OP posieparker?

posieparker · 27/06/2009 14:05

Why don't you go join a queue in the USA and complain about our 'paid for' healthcare system? Oh and tell them that over here we're offered vaccinations for our children but some of us are too middle class and supposedly well read that we don't take the advice of our medics.

Greensleeves · 27/06/2009 14:08

Have you decided I'm middle class on the grounds that I chose to read and research before committing to having my son vaccinated? How bigoted of you.

Still, it must be wonderful to be so blissfully unencumbered with any sense of responsibility or autonomy - no difficult decisions for you, you just take your medicine like a good girl

Greensleeves · 27/06/2009 14:09

I'm the OP btw, I can't keep up with the namechange thing when posting on more than one thread so sod it, you can throw tomatoes at me

JoPie · 27/06/2009 14:13

I know all about the targets on various things, thank you, I also know that doctors might actually think about the benefits of the procedures as well as the targets!
You think they are thinking "Hell, I don't actually care if people die from preventable diseases, as long as enough of them come in to keep my paperwork in order"?

And yes, I think you should be grateful for the system you have. In many other countries we pay the same taxes, and more, and don;t have a NHS.

Its your choice to vaccinate or not, and when. But complaining that a doctor reminds you when your appointment is due and is concerned for the welfare of your child? Well how dare they! Shocking behaviour from a public health professional, showing concern for children.

HuffwardlyRudge · 27/06/2009 14:14

I think YABU.

If your local supermarket wrote to say they were "alarmed" that you hadn't been buying much fruit and veg recently, they would be ovewrstepping the mark.

He is your family doctor. His job is to keep your family healthy by advising you on things that he might know more about than you. He's not forcing you to do anything you don't want to. He is sharing his professional knowledge and opinion with you, which is his job.

Greensleeves · 27/06/2009 14:14

I AM very glad of the NHS, of course I am - but I don't think it means I am obliged to slavishly accept everything available without doing any personal research or bothering to inform myself. I think it's strange that people do, tbh.

fishie · 27/06/2009 14:15

it is a deeply patronising letter. are you thinking about not doing mmr at all, or deferring it?

i can quite see why you're not rushing down to the surgery for it.

fishie · 27/06/2009 14:16

sorry i meant to put more there - if you are deferring it then i'd tell the doctor that and use the opportunity to point out the unhelpfulness of the letter.

Greensleeves · 27/06/2009 14:17

fishie both boys had the MMR but after ds1 was diagnosed with ASD we started reading seriously about it, and several of our friends and accquaintances had very interesting perspectives on other vaccinations too. We knew there was contention - it's not just ignorant lazy parents who can't be bothered to walk to the surgery , there are several highly educated specialists here on MN who haven't accepted all available vacs. We felt the need to be really as sure as we could be about it before letting them have either the MMR boosters or any other vacs. We've now made our decision and he'll be keeping the next appointment.

cat64 · 27/06/2009 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

monkeytrousers · 27/06/2009 14:22

or QUAF for short!

fishie · 27/06/2009 14:23

tell them that letter is ghastly or they'll think it worked! can you imagine them holding it up as 'best practice'...

ooh, ds hasn't been called in for his second mmr and he is 4.5, perhaps i'll get a 'dear mum and dad'.

bigstripeytiger · 27/06/2009 14:24

QOF surely?

JoPie · 27/06/2009 14:26

Many people do their own research into medical procedures for their children, nobody is saying you should rush to the doctors immediately without thought or question. But I do think you have got the letter completely out of proportion.
Your doctor says s/he is "alarmed" that your child has not got their scheduled booster. Why shouldn't they say so? I too find it alarming how low the take up rates of vax's are in some regions. Its alarming because it is a predictor of outbreaks. Its alarming because measles can be fatal. Its alarming that measles is once again cateorised as endemic when it could be practically eradicated. But if you're not alarmed, just ignore it.

Its your choice, to take what you want, to do your own research and make your own choices. But quite frankly I find it bizarre to complain that a doctor sends you a letter intended to help your child. If you don't like what it says, bin it, its not a big problem is it? Would you prefer that they send you nothing, didn't offer the vax's to people at all?

I wouldn't be offended if I got that letter. But then I'm waiting the last 5 months for an appointment for blood tests to find out if my child has a digestive disease. I'd be hapy to get anything in the post from the health board.

MachuPicchu · 27/06/2009 14:28

The GP is unlikely to have written the letter or the OP's son's name himself - the letter is probably a standard one sent out by admin staff to all patients with children due to go to primary school in September, signed by the doctor (not that that excuses mistakes in any way, but probably explains them). To me, the letter is reasonable, but I can understand that from the pov of someone who concerned about imms that the wording could be interpreted differently.

YABU to say that the doctor is 'overstepping the mark', though.

posieparker · 27/06/2009 14:34

I assumed you were middle class because working class people don't question medics, generally. Predominantly people who have objected to the MMR do it under the advice and 'research' of that Watson(*?) idiot.

Perfectly autonomous thanks, but then I don't listen to poorly researched opinions by parents clutching at straws. My BIL is a GP and two friends in childrens wards who have watched a child nearly die from measles.

I think you're far too precious about how a GP should address you, they're only human. You're not a special case and Mum and Dad is to lighten the tone as the GP probably thinks that you're yet another lazy parent who failed to get their dc immunised on the strength of a few tabloid headlines.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 27/06/2009 14:35

The surgery was NBU to send you a reminder letter, i think is the consensus...

Yes, the tone is patronising/irritating, but if we all started a thread every time our GP patronised or irritated us, the message boards would be pretty full

mamas12 · 27/06/2009 14:36

I know what you mean by overstepping the mark. They are not his children. It is the responsibilty of the parents to oversee any medical needs. The doctor is employed by us per se by the paying of the NI as we all know.
I hate the patronising attitude of doctors like this.
I would inform the sugery what you have decided you are doing about your dcs and then take the opportunity to discuss the patronising tone of the letter wih=th the practice manager.

duchesse · 27/06/2009 14:42

To OP- Ignore it- Gps have vaccination targets to meet and how they go about meeting them will vary from practise to practise. Yours clearly believes in crashing in there like an angry rhino. Doesn't oblige you to have them done. Bin it and make your own decision and about whether/ when/ where to have him vaccinated.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 27/06/2009 14:46

your child, your choice, however i its irresponsible not to keep up with immunisations. The letter was poorly worded though.

stripeysox · 27/06/2009 15:03

Drs have to show they've told parents there are risks in not immunising. I'm a HV and last year a 4 month old baby in our PCT caught Hib meningitis, she was left with brain damage. Parents had declined immunisations because they thought she was too young, they tried (and failed) to claim damages from GP for not informing them there could be a risk.
I know the HV made a huge effort to try to get the parents to understand there could be a risk, there was a record of all discussions and copies of letters in the baby's notes, so HCPs couldn't be blamed, but everyone involved still felt terrible and wondered if they could have done more to change the parent's minds.
I agree very odd to start letter with Dear Mum and Dad though.