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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my doctor has overstepped the mark by sending me this letter?

286 replies

evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 11:15

I am a regular but I'm afraid I have namechanged because there WILL be hostility on this thread

Basically my ds2 hasn't had all his preschool immunisations, because when we received his initial appointment we deferred it because we really weren't sure we wanted him to have the MMR booster (I KNOW what many people think of this attitude, I really do)

I've just had a letter from our GP which starts

"Dear Mum and Dad

It is with some alarm that I've heard from our practice nurse that XXX has not attended multiple appointments for his preschool immunisations"

whatever you think about children not being immunised - does my GP have the right to order me to immunise him? Or am I right in feeling that it's legally our decision and the letter is inappropriate?

To be clear - I'm not asking for views on parents deciding not to immunise (although I realise I am going to get them anyway), I'm asking about the legal position of the parents and the GP and whether he can in fact strong-arm us into having them if we don't want to.

OP posts:
GhostOfPsychomum5 · 27/06/2009 11:40

I am confused...........you say he is alarmed that you haven;t had the pre-school boosters, does that mean you immunised him with all the baby vax's??

if sos, why are you now holding off on the boosters??? surely the baby vx's should have been the ones to get stressed over???

brimfull · 27/06/2009 11:41

When we decided to delay ds' mmr we were called by the HV a few times but it was clear that the decision was ours.

I think they are thinking of targets and making sure that you are making an informed decision about the matter ,rather than simply forgetting the appt.

They cannot order you to immunise and I would be very surprised if they would throw you off their books for not immunising.

Original poster
evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 11:42

I know psycho, but we had strong reasons for holding off this time which I don't really want to go into, as it would make it very obvious what my usual MN name is

which I'm not keen to do

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/06/2009 11:43

I agree with the MMR and that immunisation is important, however I think yanbu - the letter was a bit odd to say the least! Am I right in thinking it actually came to "Dear Mum and Dad"? . And agree that the use of alarm is unprofessional - something along the lines of "I am aware that a number of parents prefer for their children not to receive..., however evidence has shown..." would be a lot more professional! I wonder if the doctor has dictated the letter himself?

Thunderduck · 27/06/2009 11:43

No you don't have to,but it does make sense to tell your doctor about medically related decisions and choices.

Besides how was he to know that you hadn't just forgotten about the vaccinations and that you had decided not to give them, when you didn't tell him?

Original poster
evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 11:43

Is "Dear Mum and Dad" standard too? And he spelt ds2's name wrong

maybe I have just got PMT

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/06/2009 11:43

he could even strongly recommend you to reconsider, but alarm is a bit over the top

brimfull · 27/06/2009 11:44

Dear Mum and Dad is so naff.

Is it signed by your ds?

sweetfall · 27/06/2009 11:46

Dear Doctor

Kindly take this patronising form letter and shove it where the sun don't shine

Regards

"Mum and Dad"

GhostOfPsychomum5 · 27/06/2009 11:47

ahh....ok then.

well, I don;t think he is worng to write to you.....maybe he thought you had been missed in some way and was wanting to alert you to that fact, especially as you already HAD done the baby vax's.

the 'alarm' sounds a tad OTT tho IMVHO, and the 'dear mum and dad' is a little condescending.

otherwise tho, , if he is not still forcing you (ie, threatening to take you off his books if you don;t march yourselves down there this instant), then I would ingore it unless he asks you during an appointment for another matter. then just explain your reasons......a good GP should understand and accept those reasons.

Original poster
evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 11:50

that;s exactly how I felt when I read it sweetfall, I just sort of laughed incredulously

my impulse was to pen a brief note confirming the correct spelling of ds2's name, clarifying that we are infact HIS parents and not those of the greying middle-aged paunch that is our GP, and politely suggesting that he stuff his "alarm" where the monkey stuffs his nuts

and if he's finding anxiety an issue would he like some of my amytripyline

but I shall do no such thing, because unlike him I'm not a dickhead

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 27/06/2009 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ilovemydogandmrobama · 27/06/2009 11:53

Is it true that GPs have to reach a percentage of registered children vaccinated? I heard this, although am not sure it's true.

foxytocin · 27/06/2009 11:54

he hasn't 'ordered' you to get him immunised from what you have said. it seems like you have drawn that conclusion based on the tone of the letter.

he has used 'alarmed' which is a personal judgement and unacceptable.

you can do what you will from there but a legal position beyond a complaint to the practice manager is going too far.

fwiw, herd immunity is so low at the moment, schools in our and surrounding LEAs are concerned about a measles outbreak next autumn than and are making contingency plans for that eventuality.

Geepers · 27/06/2009 11:54

I get these letters as a matter of course and just disregard them. In actual fact, they have now stopped writing to remind me, and have now started writing to my husband instead.

I just throw them away. I will get round to vaccinating when I feel ready and not before.

MrsWeasley · 27/06/2009 11:55

evilplaguerat: Where does the money stuff his nuts?

burningupinspeed · 27/06/2009 11:57

I am loving Nancy's passive-aggressiveness!

YANBU, OP.

megapixels · 27/06/2009 12:02

Well a GP is there to give health advice. And that is exactly what he is giving. So of course the wording would indicate his position on it. The tone seems offensive to you only because you have a different opinion to him. So I think YABU.

zeke · 27/06/2009 12:12

Yes, I think the letter is reasonable too. He/she has avoided any confusion - you know exactly what they think and advise.
My ex, a gp, did explain the full reasoning behind the standpoint to a friend (biology teacher) who wasn't getting her kids immunised. She did change her mind but and he carefully avoided judging her and used 'nice' language (she asked him what he thought) - the problem was it took quite a while. I don't think he set out to change her mind, she just kept asking questions until she did. I know he didn't have the luxury of that amount of time with his regular patients though so....

mayorquimby · 27/06/2009 12:14

where does he order you to immunise them?

lal123 · 27/06/2009 12:19

YABU - the health of your children is also the concern of your GP - I think the letter is reasonable and if it makes you reconsider your choice re non immunisation then I think its a valuable letter to send

Dumbledoresgirl · 27/06/2009 12:20

Sorry EPR, I think the letter is reasonable too, although if it really started "Dear Mum and Dad" rather than "Mr and Mrs (or whatever title you go by) X" then I can see why it got off to a bad start.

I think the GP is only right to express his alarm at the lack of vaccinations, just as you are at liberty to refuse them. That is the general medical view to lack of vaccination. Presumably this is a fairly standard letter sent out to all parents of non-vaccinated children, some of whom might be unvaccinated for the reasons you share, and some who may have simply slipped through the net. It is only fair the GP tries to do what he sees as his job.

Is there any point you making an appointment to discuss your concerns with him or are you now once and for all decided that ds2 should not have the vaccinations? I only ask because speaking to the GP and making it clear you have reasons why ds2 is not to be vaccinated might save you from other unsolicited letters from the GP in the future.

monkeytrousers · 27/06/2009 12:23

It's NHS policy to send out these letters. But, as we know, the MHS is a facist organisation bent on killing our children.

hmm

Original poster
evilplaguerat · 27/06/2009 12:26

I did say earlier that he will be having them all apart from the MMR booster - I simply took my time reading and talking to other parents and making the decision

ds2 is still only 4

it's the tone of the letter that I'm objecting to, it implies an authority and an obligation that doesn't exist IMO

OP posts:
salbysea · 27/06/2009 12:32

YABVU

I have to chase my GP up for every little thing

If I had a GP who was interested enough to take some initiative and tell me what he thought my kid needed when, rather than me having to research everything and chase him up myself, I'd be very happy (even if I chose to disagree with him).

last phone call to my GP surgery "hello, I need to make a 12 week apt for my baby son"
"ok, what for"
"his 12 week check up and jabs"
"which jabs?"
"well I'd hope the doctor would know which jabs a 12 week old baby needs!"

last appointment, I had to TELL my gp that my son had thrush, it DOES exist AND i had to tell him what to prescribe (he thought fluconazole only treats vaginal thrush and not nipple thrush etc)

noone told me he needed jabs at 12 weeks, had to look it up myself, I doubt my surgery is capable of correctly addressing and stamping a letter and putting it in the post

I think you're lucky

but I dont like people I didnt give birth to calling me Mum either!

Did you actually cancel your appointments? the letter implied you were a no show