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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take my 6 month DS to an 18th Birthday Party...........

24 replies

HarryB · 27/06/2009 09:51

DH's nephew is 18 next month and SiL is having a party for him. She and MiL want us to bring DS with us. I've said no as I don't want to interfere with a bedtime routine that we have worked hard to establish, and that I will stay home and DH can go. AIBU to want to keep DS out of a noisy house and on a schedule or should I put it down as a one off and just go.

An an aside, I'm a bit pissed off that they are willing to fook up my son's bedtime routine for a bit of baby parading - which is all it is about I think.

OP posts:
seeker · 27/06/2009 09:54

Babies are supposed to be paraded - it's good for them and helps them grow!

Of course you should take him - he's part of the family.

Firawla · 27/06/2009 09:54

are there any other kids going? i don't think 18th bday sounds very baby friendly tbh, but if its just a family thing then maybe?
what time is the party? you could always go for a bit and come home at a reasonable time?
one day out of routine will probably not make too much difference as its only a one off.

IotasCat · 27/06/2009 09:56

I took my 10 week old to my goddaughter's 21st party. He was fine - slept through the disco noise

Original poster
HarryB · 27/06/2009 09:57

Seeker, I hear what you are saying and if it was a family lunch or something then fine, but not to a party with 18+ kids and adults.

No other babies going, SiL said "if he gets tired, you can stick him in my room" The party starts at 8pm, I think it'll be a given that he'll be tired.

OP posts:
Kimi · 27/06/2009 10:01

YABVU. It is only one night

FrannyandZooey · 27/06/2009 10:03

if you don't think it'll work, don't take him
i took ds2 out for dinner when he was about 6 m o and it was just about ok while we were there, but the aftermath was quite bad
he cried all the way home (over tired), couldn't settle for ages, and it did muck up his bedtime for about a week
which is quite a lot of hassle when you are already tired yourself with a young baby
i did not particularly enjoy it while i was sthere, as there needed to be a LOT of jiggling around etc to keep him happy, and there was the constant thought he was about to kick off in crowded restaurant
he would not have been happy at all to be passed around, which is what i expect your family want to do
i just wouldn't bother as i can't see advantage for anyone, personally

jenwyn · 27/06/2009 10:07

YABU
Its a family party and he is a member of that family.He needs to be paraded.He will see happy smiling faces and go to sleep regardless of the noise.
No matter what routine you have it can always be adjusted to suit. Go early to the party -tell them beforehand-and come home early if necessary.

Firawla · 27/06/2009 10:11

seeing as no other babies or kids and it starts at 8, i would give it a miss then. if baby is going to be tired since the start of the party, he is not going to be in his best mood which isn't nice if you want to "parade" him, its better if earlier and he can enjoy seeing and being with the different members of the family. i know mine would not have been good @ a party that starts @ 8.
either ask if you can just come over earlier, or give it a miss and drop round to see them the next day or something?

nellie12 · 27/06/2009 10:11

I have a 7mo and no I wouldn't take him if party started at that time. He wouldn't be at all happy he likes his bedtime routine and fusses a lot if it isn't happening. Yanbu but sil is - or the rose coloured specs are heavily tinted!

Original poster
HarryB · 27/06/2009 10:11

I imagine that DS will sleep through the whole thing, which is why I don't get the point of them wanting him to be there, if they will just say put him down in a bedroom.

I probably am being unreasonable, and a bit selfish as messing with DS' routine might bring sleepless nights after.

The funniest thing is that DH doesn't even want to go - in his words "me at an 18th, fook that".

OP posts:
Original poster
HarryB · 27/06/2009 10:14

I've backed down on a lot of things with his family lately, but this has got to me. I know I am being stubborn, but I think they are being very selfish. I have said to DH that if I miss the party, I am happy to treat DN to lunch.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 27/06/2009 11:46

YANBU it will be too noisy for a baby IMO I would stay home.

megapixels · 27/06/2009 13:23

Well, YANBU if you really think it'll mess things up with his routine. I would go though, I've taken my children to all sorts of family events, some of them going on till very late. If they don't have to wake up early the next day for school I don't see the harm, they just wake up the next day later than usual.

bigchris · 27/06/2009 13:27

maybe they want you to be there?

hambler · 27/06/2009 13:30

How many threads have you seen on MN saying

" AIBU that my baby has NOT been invited to such and such a family occasion"

it is quite funny that you are miffed about the opposite

surely they are not INSISTING you bring baby,just letting you know that he is welcome - really welcome.

There is no obligation on your part to take him and the idea they are being selfish to want him there is plain daft.

Do what you want but don't read any thing offensive into the situation!

wonderingwondering · 27/06/2009 13:51

I wouldn't have taken mine - six months is too young for them to enjoy it, and all it would have meant for me was taking a sleeping baby to a noisy house, worrying about him waking up, then worrying about him waking as we put him to bed afterwards. At six months you are still tired, they are still settling down.

And an 18th will presumably be full of drunk teenagers stumbling round bathroom/bedroom, so I wouldn't have left my baby upstairs!

Can you get a babysitter?

I always took the view that if people wanted to see my baby, they should start things in the daytime so we could go and then head off early evening.

cat64 · 27/06/2009 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 27/06/2009 15:02

You just just smile and say mmm. Don't go, dh can say baby was a bit tired and needed bed so you haven't come.

Original poster
HarryB · 27/06/2009 15:29

They couldn't give 2 hoots about me being there, it's all about them showing DS off. DH said he had no intention of DS being in a noisy house full of drunken teenagers so problem solved.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 27/06/2009 15:34

Those Bastard teenagers wanting to have a party that fucks up your childs bedtime routine!
PFB ALERT!!!!!!!

Original poster
HarryB · 27/06/2009 17:14

at madame. You are correct of course

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 27/06/2009 20:01

And show him off, be proud of him, what you and DS made together - why be so arsey FFS - kids are 18 once and it will be nice to show your face at the beginning of the evening of only for a short while.

Well inless your child is a few weeks old or something - why do people act as though a child should stop then doing things and having a life - he will not be damaged by going to a party!

mumeeee · 29/06/2009 23:30

YABU. It's only for one night,it's a family party and Babies are adaptable.

Qally · 30/06/2009 00:23

My son has a routine at 8 months, but we go visiting people, and he's fine. A couple of weeks ago we were in London for the weekend - made him a nest on the floor next to us and he slept beautifully while we ate and chatted. We caught the train back and he wasn't in bed till midnight, but again, fine - a big feed and he was out like a light, he slept in till 9 the next morning and went straight back into his routine again now, all by himself. We also break it when friends visit and we have a barbecue, or go out to eat - just take the buggy so he can sleep if he needs to - it's a routine, not a prison sentence!

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