to challenge anyone to better this example of the heights of pushy parenting?

[BonsoirAnna]

Yesterday I was chatting to another mother from DD's French-English bilingual school on the bus. She has two daughters, one in DD's year, who will soon be 5, and another one three years above, who is 7.

This mother told me that during the summer holidays her 7 year old, who has been having private Chinese lessons for the past year (in addition to having an American nanny to teach her English), is being sent to stay, alone, for a fortnight with a Chinese family in China in order to practise the language.

omg

"Receiving a child for 6 months is likely to be harder than having your own child away for 6 months."

thats from allef - wtf!

A child of 7 should be in a loving family environment or with people who are paid to CARE for her emotional and other needs.

Sending a young child to an unknown environment with no control over whom she will have contact with seems highly irresponsible to me. Adding in the journey to a completely alien culture and language, well, it is neglectful.

What will the child do if she has a problem with the situation or someone in it? I don´t think she´ll have so many options.

A very sad situation.

Especially given past experience of older childen sent away in a similar way for a month and whose parents didn´t even bother to collect them at the airport before they went on their next trip : ( It´s surprising how many parents are indifferent to their children.

Why is 7 too young? We're talking 2 weeks and then home again. Quite possibly the parents will be in touch everyday via the internet and the experience will be as shared as possible.

Being a pushy parent and offering your child fantastic opportunites are a world apart. A pushy parent is one who encourages their child too far along a particular path so that they (the parent/s) can gain kudos.

I was raised by what most people on here would describe as pushy parents and, frankly, it did me a world of good. I spent a number of holidays with family friends in different countries from the age of 6, most of whom I'd never met before. My parents simply wanted me to see the world from a different perspective very early on. I went to boarding school at age 9 and loved it - I would have gone earlier if my parents had let me. I was assigned two instruments to learn and took up a third. They raised me to be as independent as possible and, for that, I am forever grateful.

When I eventually moved to this country permanently at age 14, my headmistress at the time had the nerve to ask me if I thought my father was pushy, simply because he had told her he expected her school to give his daughters an education that would get them into Oxbridge-calibre universities. I calmly replied that I was grateful to have a father who cared so deeply about his daughter's education and to imply that he was pushy was insulting to him and myself. That pretty much shut her up!

What I'm trying to say is that people have high expectations of their children and to judge them based on the way YOU personally choose to raise your own child is rather lazy, to say the least. Different strokes for different folks et al.

My DS is only 8wo but you can bet I'll be a pushy parent. It's a title I shall wear with much pride

But do you know, BonsoirAnna, how the girl feels about it? She might be very mature and looking forward to the experience. I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea.

Yes I would imagine most children of that age would not want to be away from their parents for 2 weeks, but I honestly think there are some who would be fine. My dh did not feel at all "sent away" to boarding school - maybe because he had (and still has) a great relationship with his parents.

I don't think boarding school is really comparable, though.

FWIW, this little girl, like all the other 125 children in her year group, went on a 12 day residential school trip this year where there was no direct contact with parents at all for the whole time (the children could send and receive postcards only). When the time comes, my DD will also go on this trip (if she is at the same school) with her school mates and teachers. It's a school trip that has been going on for more than 10 years and is considered a very vital part of the children's education. They all seem to love it.

I think that that is, psychologically, very different to going to a family you don't know who speaks a language you don't master, very far from home.

Ok I see your point but it still doesn't mean she wouldn't handle it or enjoy it.

Yes, different strokes for different folks. Some children may thrive in such an environment. But there are also many many screwed up people out there who strive throughout adulthood to meet their parents expectations of them. And are miserable at their failure to do so. Pushy parents are not content with a mediocre child are they? They want "special" without seeing every child is special.

My main concern in this case is that the child is completely open to abuse. Her parents are not leaving her with close and trusted friends but some kind of acquaintance. Anything can happen.

Asana, you've missed the boat, I believe you have to put them down for Eton when TTC.

You shamefully neglectful parent, you...

Whoah asana you are well late to put your DS down for eton.

I am surprised at your lack of organisation.

BTW my boarding school comparison was for the children going away for 6 months age 8...

The very far from home bit is irrelevant (thanks to the internet) unless there is an emergency.

I'd prefer the 'family' scenario over the school residential one, especially at age 7.
The family are most likely to be caring and welcoming and to treat her like one of their own.

Dolly, being on the other side of the world may not feel irrelevant to a 7 year old. What if she is frightened, suffering culture shock, doesn´t understand a word of what is going on around her? What if she wants a kiss and cuddle good night and her familiar things around her? That IS very important.

Many many adults would not dream of doing what is expected of this child. Yes, she may be forced to cope with the situation, should we applaud that she has the opportunity to survive an unpleasant situation? That she has the chance to learn that a nasty situation will come to an end?

I feel so sorry for the children of parents who go ahead with this kind of thing.

Bloody uppity headmistresses as well! Glad you put her in her place!

Ooh gosh no thedolly, totally disagree with that. Having gone on school trips at a bit older than that and also stayed with a family when I was growing up overseas (at the other end of the country so hardly a great distance), the family was much harder. I think it makes you feel totally like an outsider if you're in someone else's family. And culturally, my family and my host family were fairly similar. China is massively, massively different. I would never do that to a child of mine.

Interestingly too, none of the people I know who were sent to boarding school at 7 would ever dream of sending their children to one.

Despite my week away and endless lessons, I didn't really become any good at French until I had a French boyfriend at 17 and conducted my entire social life in French. So it's an utter waste of time and expense too probably. Poor kid

The adults who would not dream of doing this are the ones who missed out on these types of opportunities as children.

To a 7 year old it is a plane ride away and irrelevant whether it's a neighbouring country or the other side of the world.

I agree that it would be cruel to send a child who is likely to be homesick away at all but it appears that the child in question has already been away from home for a similar amount of time and by all accounts loved it.

A 2 week trip is not the same as boarding school- why do people keep comparing them?

Well, no, I probably wouldn't send my dcs to boarding school, but mainly from a selfish point of view - I would miss them so much. It was the same for my MIL but they had no choice at the time. She hated her son being away, but he loved it.

that's not true actually thedolly - I travelled all over the place as a kid. I lived in 15 different houses by the time I was 20 and four different countries. And flew/got the train on my own regularly. So actually, while I can't speak for anyone else, I do know exactly what I'm talking about

sorry spice - my message was to NoTart in response to her post addressed to me

I missed the bits where the child has already done this sort of thing? I thought I had read it properly. if it was last summer hols and the ones before that would mean a fortnight away to the other side of the globe aged 5 - surely not? Anna have i missed something?

TBH I would not have relished going away to strangers in a totally different culture halfway around the globe when I was 7. That's not an "opportunity", it's plain odd. Might be an opportunity when older - late teens say - to build a network for future work or study opportunities. Not at 7.

I have always been extremely independent BTW . I would also argue that if you feel that going to the next town is the same as going to Australia - ie it makes no odds to you whether home is 2 hours or 20 hours away - then maybe you are not that attached to your home. I am always deeply aware of physically how far I am from my home. Not that I'm bothered by it, just aware.

spice - wouldn't a teenager be more inclined to feel left out of a family than a 7 year old?

'away from home for a similar amount of time'
LovelyTinOfSpam, do you need me to direct yyou to the post?

'away from home for a similar amount of time'
LovelyTinOfSpam, do you need me to direct yyou to the post?

Excuse the stutter