You shouldn't give this to a baby...

[Lifegoeson]

Long time lurker, first time poster...!

My partner and I split when I was pregnant, we live 200 miles apart so he travels to us approximately fortnightly to see DS. I also take him up once a month so his family can see DS.

We went out for lunch and both had a coke each, just after it arrived, he dipped his finger in and rubbed it over DS mouth, DS is solely FF, apart from water on warm days.

I can't believe that my DS (20 weeks) first other liquid he tasted was coke, the caffeine, the sugars etc. I was absolutely livid and think he was really irresponsible, he is totally unapproachable and I'm quite intimidated by him so wasn't sure how to approach it. He thinks I'm the most pathetic person he has ever met and I'm a complete joke - quote, so anything I say is just rubbished and I'm made out to be a bit loopy and dramatic.

Oh, and did I mention ex is a nurse?

well, it's a bit daft

but it won't have done any harm

it is sad you are intimidated by him - perhaps he did it to wind you up

i think this is a lot deeper than a bit of coke

maybe next time, take a friend for someone with you for moral support?

A bit of coke on a finger is not going to do anything! It was just a taste.

Yes I agree with Ruby, could you take a friend or member of your family next time? He sounds like he might enjoy trying to wind you up.

What an odd thing to do. Why would any intelligent person offer coke to a baby? Well, they wouldn't would they?

He sounds vile by the way, and no, YANBU.

If he does something like this again you should say something as otherwise your anger will fester. I understand what it feels like to be intimidated by someone though so you have my understanding and my sympathy. I get so angry with myself sometimes for being so submissive around such people. It is your right to point out unacceptable behaviour though.

Perhaps you think this would start a argument / vicious attack on yourself?

I was behind a lady in a queue in H&M on Saturday. She has a baby of around 8mths old drinking a fruit shoot! I could not believe my eyes!

Some people have no idea. YANBU

it was a bit silly but its not a huge thing imo.im sure you do things he doesnt quite aprove of either-the question is how does he react to that?

I don't think I'd be at all happy if one of my child's first tastes was coke.

And just because he's a nurse doesn't give him the right to undermine you and make you feel crap about anything or any decisions you make for your child.

I'd avoid your ex at all costs, if I were you. Can you emigrate? He sounds like a total nightmare.

Thank you guys.

PP I agree to a degree, but I'm afraid this may set the standard though, he's always joking about things he'll do when I'm not around, at easter his 5 month old DN was given a chocolate bar to eat, everybody thought it was hilarious. I didn't.

And RS, yes, it does run deeper... don't most things!

Problem is I am aware DS is his baby too, and that will be vocalised loudly and aggressively to me. We may have very different views on parenting - here's to the next 'fun' 18 years! - but I would respect his views if he thought something was unacceptable or discuss it and hope to reach a compromise.

Unfortunately having a family member/friend present isn't an option as he stays in my home.

I think i would a bit more concerend you lo only got a drink of water when it was warm, i though ff babies needed plenty of water to drink, but i maybe wrong, i know things have changed abit durng the last 30 odd years.

Well, the taste of a bit of coke is not going to do any harm, but it was a very strange thing for him to do.

He sounds like a nasty, controlling person. I agree that it might be good if you could take someone with you to give you some support.

You are going to have to work on your self-confidence in facing off to him, as this is only the beginning. There are sure to be other issues in the coming years.

JB - Thats what I thought, but apparently not, they get all required hydration through the formula as it is 90% water, mind you, from what I've read on here about HV I'm a bit dubious about any advice given by them.

ML, you're so right, I know there's so much grief ahead of me, it's so sad. My heart aches for my poor little boy. I feel so disrespected in spite of what I do/have done to enable him to see and bond with his son.

tbh it's not the smear of coke on the mouth of a 5mo that makes my heart ache (not ideal, but unlikely to do much harm)

it's the fact that he is clearly doing it to wind you up and that you are getting very upset

so this situation is bound to continue- he will probably carry on doing more outrageous things than he would otherwise have done because he gets a reaction and you will get more stressed and possibly start forbidding things that you would otherwise have been ok with

does he resent the fact that he hasn't got much control over his son's life?

can you have some sort of calm talk about that and find ways of giving him more control, at the same time giving a clear message that you will put your foot down at things that are clearly inappropriate?

That's just it Cory, I don't react because he will kick off, he doesn't know I had a problem with it...

I think you're right about the control issue too, although I have bent over backwards to allow him time with his son, people are amazed at what I've allowed. tenative steps towards mediation calmed things for a while, but even the mediation co-ordinator actually said she was astonished and she had never come across a situation such a this.

Calm talk?! I wish, I have tried that before and he just explodes...

Actually, having scratched the surface, there are far deeper issues here that I need advice and support on as I have none in r/l, so I'm going to head over to relationships with this, as it is probably too emotive for AIBU, or rather I am!

Many thanks all.

I drank coke all the time when I was a kid, and I don't have a single filling.

I was a very hyperactive child, though: I am surprised my mum never made the connection...