to be fed up with my mum (I'm only a teen by the way)

[FedUpDaughter]

I know, I know, I'm on mumsnet and I'm not a mum. But I want to run my mum's behaviour by some of you (I heard of you because you're in the papers all the time :p )

Anyway, I'm 19 but almost 20, at uni. My parents are very strict Christians.

I've had a boyfriend for 6 months and he is my first real boyfriend. I am really in love with him but my my parents (especially my mum I think) disapprove because he doesn't have a 'proper' job and he isn't at Uni.
I find it difficult that my mum is disapproving of him, and she's always saying things like 'why doesn't he want an eductaion' etc.

The other day she gave me a talk on how I'm 'not allowed' to fall in love. My reply was that this was ridiculous as I am almost 20 and actually it would be ok if I fell in love. She made it so I can't say I do love him, which is awkward.

Then last night I told her I was going to visit him in a few weeks for a night. She went mental and told me the 'ground rules' which are that I cannot stay over at his house. I said again, I am almost 20 and it would be my choice if I did this, and also my older bro stays at his gf's. My mum then said 'you've gone red, you better not be telling me something here'. So I had to leave it.

Unfortunately I got an STI from my bf and I find it very depressing that I can't talk to her about it. I also have ahd problems with the pill I've been put on, but again, could never discuss it.

What can I do to make her see I am old enough to make my own choices? She is very stuck in her ways. My bro is 25 and she believes he is a virgin.

I find it all very but mainly because my bf is coming to visit and I just feel she won't respect him. I don't think she will be rude but I can tell she won't like him.

Sorry, that was long! Can any mums see her perspective? I can't! Aaaargh

BOF No, absolutely the only one. The rest of us are just too busy addressing the very serious issues at hand

Try and make something phnarr phnarr out of that sentence .........

I don't think I am an adult now (and I'm nearly 40 ... aargh)

if she had "addressed the issue" by "hand" she wouldn't be in that situation - sorry, that's the best I could do! I'm sure BOF will do better

me neither really, but as far as my relationship with my mum goes, its been properly adult to adult since about 25

I think it is often delayed when the "child" continues in further education compared with people who go out and get a full time job after school

Subway does give me the heebie jeebies - from the top right down to the (inter franchise money lending and thuggery) bottom, its an evil company!

mildmannered snob

sal I don't think I really became an adult in my mum's eyes until I had DCs of my own (30)

I have only got sons, so I don't want them to go out with anyone

ROFL

BTW, i like Hugh Bonneville too, oddly fanciable

he he. I bet !

I will be offline for awhile now. I am ironing, whilst watching my other weird crush, Hugh Laurie in House

There's lots of wise and sage advice on here, OP, and not a lot I can add... just to caution you that Am I Being Unreasonable is an, um, frank and feisty forum- people don't hold back here! Not a spot for cuddles. But often some very good advice.

And welcome to MN!

pmsl MMJ @heartbeat.

i think mmj is right ofcourse - as mums we want whats best for our children and she wants somehing better for you - h0wever if it were your mum asking for the advice - i would tell her to keep schtum about it and to support you as best she can.

as someone who didn'[t have one of those mums i could talk to about sex or contraception or even periods - i know where your coming from and i think its just acceptance. accept that she isn't like that and probably never will be. lament that it isn't like that ofcourse but make sure you do the proper research ( you sould like your a very bright young woman) becuase your on your own in this department.

so recognising that your mum - as a mum - wants the very best or you becuase she loves you so much - understand that and don't be bitter - becuase its actually a huge compliment in a backhanded kind of way.

however i think a chat with mum is required alonmg the lines of " mum i love you so much, i know you want the vry bst for me and you don't think that sandwichshop dave is it. whilst i appreciate this is becuase you love me so very much, i'm not going to get married, have children and get a mortgage - i've just got a boyfriend. so please make an effort for me."

Good post Custardo mmj:

How can a man who is so geeky one minute, be so sexy with the addition of a bit of facial hair and a nice t-shirt ? There is a lesson there for all men, I think

And I want to live in a world where everyone is that clever and articulate

Ok, plenty of good advice- definitely not hand holdy.

What I have learnt is that I am still a bit of a child (I definitely already knew that...my mum is currently making me my tea heh heh); that mum's don't want their kids to get with someone who will give them herpes (so I should definitely not mention that one when meeting the parents of future boyfriends, I will try not to infect your sons (possibly not funny));

and that if I had aimed a little higher I would have....what? A cold sore

Thanks ladies, for the advice. No idea who Hugh Bonneville is.

Ahhh, stray apostrophe! Mums, not mum's

The shame!

Here you go- funny that the OP needs a nap, and you need a brew! Still, if it's not your mum, it gives the point of viuew of someone in her shoes anyway.

Thanks! I'll take a look :] If it's my mother I'd be surprised, she's always asking for help to copy and paste

Who can't copy and paste? Madness!

if she can log on to the "interweb" at all she's doing better than my mum

oooo that's so her isnt it!