To wonder why PIL and SIL haven't invited us on holiday?

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

FIL rang DP on Saturday and casually mentioned that the they are off on holiday this week with SIL and her DCs. AIBU to wonder why they hadn't mentioned it to us before? Or even invited us along?

Our DCs are similar in age, PIL and SIL live much closer to each other than we do but we try to make the effort to see them once a month/every six weeks. IMHO, this would have been a good opportunity for us to spend some more time with them all.

I think with some previous threads re hols with inlaws I'd think yourselves lucky.
It may be that mum and daughter are closer than son and father/mum, or that SIL is less independant re holidaying without mummy.

Does SIL have a partner/husband? If not, maybe this is why they are taking her - to give her a holiday.

Perhaps SIL invited them to go on holiday with her, rather than the other way round? Then it's hardly for them to suggest inviting others as well.

Yes SIL's DH is going as well.

I know it probably works in my favour that the ILs are not too demanding - but I can't help feeling a bit hurt that they don't think to include us. SIL is obviously a lot closer to them than DP as they live much closer and also I think because she's their DD rather than DS. It makes me sad for DP and DD that they don't seem to want to see us more.

Why? My grandparents lived some distance away so we only saw them every few months, my parents lived some distance so my kids only see them every few months. I don't feel sad for my kids, they've got more than enough to do with their time. Is your sadness due to your own expectations re GPs if yours were on your doorstep and regularly visited?
Looking back at my childhood I never feel "I wish we'd visited the grandparents more often". I much preferred playing out with friends to relly visiting.

Families often drift into relationships working in certain ways without any real "reason" behind it. They see SIL more often because she's nearby and/or they just have a different relationship. They see less of you and DH because you're further away. It probably doesn't even occur to them to think of inviting you when they're seeing her - it wouldn't on an ordinary week, so probably doesn't when holidays are being planned either.

Maybe another time you could suggest all of you doing something together?

FWIW I've been away on holiday with my parents, and it never occurred to any of us to invite my sis and her family along. Other times my parents go to visit her (she lives further away) and wouldn't think of inviting us. Not that we don't get on, just that there are two separate relationships going on.

next time mention how lovely a family holiday sounds and invite the PIL to come and stay with you for a week on hols.

Maybe your SIL suggested it to them? If they see them more often I can see how this might have happened.

Have you already got holiday plans? Have you told them about these? They may have thought you were already busy so wouldn't need to be invited with them?

I'm sad because they have a great relationship with SIL's DC1 (PFB grandchild) and I would like my DC to benefit from the same kind of attention (they really are wonderful grandparents). Also, I adored my grandparents as I was growing up.

It's all very different from my family - any excuse for a jolly and we all turn up. The IL's are only going on a camping holiday in the UK so it woudn't have been difficult for us to tag along. Perhaps we'll suggest something next year.

Please try not to get competitive about it.

IME family holidays, even with those you get on pretty well with, can become a seething hotbed of tension by the end, anyway.

RE: your DCs - you don't know what kind of relationship they will end up having with their grandparents - later on it will be up to them. We saw much more of my maternal grandparents, but I was much close to my dad's mum.

It just occurred to me - is this an issue because your parent/s are not around?

Alot of campsites won't take large groups because of how antisocial they can get at night. That may have been a reason for limiting it.