ok...will try this again, aibu to be put off a school by the amount of children with SN?

[daftpunk]

posted this in education, (Pre-school, like the twit that i am).....my ds is due to start secondary school in 2 years so we're looking around already, i am a bit put off by a school with lots of SN children, as SN also means behaviour problems....i'm not sure if i am being unreasonable.

she's right you know Jumente - it happened to me!

Seriously, DP is naughty, in fact, in the past she has been VERY naughty on here. But i have to say, that she doesn't talk crap she just tends to say what a lot of people think but are too scared to say it.

Ive been thinking about your OP and i think you have every right to be concerned. But i think the question you should be asking is, OK there are a high proportion of SN children in this school - Does the school have the resources to cope? Might it be that this particular school is set up for that very reason? So that any special needs are met - if that is the case, it probably means that actually, its a pretty good school and that you shouldn't be worried.

I was very VERY lucky and got my DD into the best school in the local area - everyone at DDs nursery was as it is oversubscribed. One of the positive things about the school is its resources for children with special educational needs. My friends little boy will need extra help, he is high functioning autistic/aspergers and that was the reason she chose this particular school. Now i will admit that i did worry about X being sat next to DD at school and i felt awful for that, but the school can cope - tis their job. We all want the best for our children, i don't think its fair to flame DP for raising a legitimate concern.

LEM....do you remember lola the showgirl?.....she outed herself as a troll a few weeks ago..... she was about 5 different people on the same thread...lolololo

fair comment fio, but miserable i am - i can't help it

no, i was "away" then.

you ok?

You're entitled to your perceptions of it all, LEM, of course you are - but I think many of us would disagree with you - we had the 'legitimate concern' thing way back on this one of you want to spend a few happy hours catching up!!

Oh, i wont argue, she can be bad - but so can our children, and we love them anyway

Maybe she wants to be seen as an endearingly crass 6yo...I'm not sure I quite can manage it!

your loss then .

Tough shit if you are worried about SN kids DP and anyone else who agrees with her or justifies her on this thread. You parents of NT kids with "concerns" are, quite frankly the last of my worries.

Every single day me and my son battle with my son's autism, almost every day I get called into school to try to help my poor son make sense of the world of main stream. Every day I look at him crying with his swollen, tense, scared little face and try to help him deal with the meltdowns that come from not automatically understanding the world around him.

Why don't you do something worthwhile DP, like volunteer with some autistic or other SN kids? Find out a bit more about it before you come on here moaning about your worries about how these SN - "also means behavioural problems" are going to affect the education of your precious NT darlings.

I don't know you previously, have seen you about of course but didn't have any clue as to you having any particulary contentious opinions but you must have know when you posted this the reaction you would get and I find that absolutely sickening.

"I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable". I believe you knew full well the response you would get and that is why you posted.

I feel like I hate MN today. Someone posts something like that and there are so many posts saying "well thats just DP". I have thought about this thread all night and all morning, I didn't even want to post because I felt so disappointed that someone would think it is ok to come and post something like that and NOT be a troll.

I feel I am becoming incoherant now so I am going to get off this thread, probably flounce for a while or name change because I have bared my soul a bit. One thing is for sure I have been educated in what some people REALLY think about SN kids and probably a load of the parents at ds's school think just like you, but at least I am aware of it now and will not end up blind sided in RL like I was by this thread.

sunfleurs. I am so sorry that you have been upset by this thread. Your post has made me want to cry.

I do think that DPs concerns are legitimate but she asked the wrong way, but as i said, so long as the school can cope then there is NO problem. But i think that question does have to be asked. I am sure you would agree that you want your childs school to be able to provide for his needs.

You are not incoherant, you are very articulate and have made me feel guilty (rightly so) for trivialising the thread. I have "known" DP for a while and often spa with her, but i can see that this was not the place - i apologise.

We all live in our own bubbles and this place is just great for hurting other peoples feelings when we don't think before we flex our typing fingers. In RL we think before we open our mouths and i guess some of us need to extend that to our fingers.

sunfleurs - Bravo to you, you have said all the things I wanted to say.

Thanks LEM. Blubbing myself actually but I am never that far away at the moment. Ds having a bad time at school plus ferocious PMT - not a good mix.

Where have you been anyway? You have given me some good advice before and made me laugh. Haven't seen you for ages.

Oh Sunfleurs, please don't be upset, I can see why you are though.

Although it wasn't a well worded OP, I think that this thread has done a good thing, as a Parent of 2 NT DS's I have no experience of children with SN/SEN and I have learnt a lot here. People's fears are borne out of ignorance, the more we can share information and experiences, the more we learn.

Also, totally agree with what LEM said:

"We all live in our own bubbles and this place is just great for hurting other peoples feelings when we don't think before we flex our typing fingers. In RL we think before we open our mouths and i guess some of us need to extend that to our fingers."

An awful lot of people on MN would do well to remember that!!!

oh, i flounced. MN can be a pit of vipers sometimes. But it can also offer lots of support. I am probably going to have to deregister again though - ive been back a week and my house is a health hazard and i feel uptight again. I can't do light mumsnetting, seems to be all or nothing and it takes up too much time and energy.

I would imagine you get lots of support from other mums here - don't go because of peoples thoughtlessness.

I'm sorry to hear your little lad is having a tough time. I hope you are getting support in RL. Do the school know you are finding things tough right now?

sunfleurs - please dont be upset. I know how you feel though, I took DS2, who is Autistic, for his Preschool visit yesterday and it was awful, he screamed the whole session and we had to come away early. In my head I thought that it would be a magic solution as its a lovely preschhol, but I have been brought back down to earth with a bump and I dont know what im going to do in September

I think its easy to say something on a board like this, its 'Facless' and you dont have to see the hurt you have caused. I also think there are some people that like to hurt others feelings, and I think this whole thread is a typical example.

sunfleurs - I'm so sad this thread has made you sad. It has made me angry but in essence I feel the same way you do.

I'm glad people with no experience of SN/SEN have found the thread useful. What a pity your learning had to come at the expense of our feelings

Thanks, getting over myself a bit now. Of course everyone has a right to be concerned. I just think if DP had wanted a real discussion and information about this she would have worded it Oh so differently and gone to the SN board and had a proper chat with mothers of SN kids. I think she just wanted a big row and for me SN should not be used for that.

There is a parent at my son's school who looked very apprehensive when I told her that my ds had autism and I could almost see it ticking over in her mind how it was going to affect "my child" who is in the same class, never mind she had no reason to know anything and ds had been in her childs class for 4 terms without incident. This thread made me feel like I felt when I saw her silly, ignorant face. I love MN though and have got so much out of it, great advice, laughs, courage and more.

I look at my ds and I feel so honoured to have him, he is so perfect to me and has to struggle so much just to "be" iyswim. Every single thing in his life is a huge challenge as soon as he leaves the front door. Being realistic I know that others will not see what I see and don't understand. Remember having your babies and that fierce, protective love you feel for you new born, it never really goes away but it damps down a bit to allow your child to grow and become more independent. I can't speak for all parents of SN kids but for me that fierceness can never go away because ds cannot manage without me and I don't know if he ever will.

I wish that every single person with "concerns" could get to know a SN child. I don't think that the challenges of my ds's life should be reduced to someone's AIBU on MN.

sunfleurs i am so sorry you are going through a bad time my son has autism and is 16 and i know full well all the trials and tribulations we all go through chin up better days coming

Frasersmum, not sure how to do it but shall I CAT you or you me and we can have a proper chat about it all? DS is 6 so I am probably a bit further on with diagnosis and therapies etc.

sunfleurs>>
sorry to see you are upset.
sadly some people just don't seem to be aware of other peoples feelings.

That post has made me cry sunfleurs. You sound like a brilliant mum - your DS is very lucky

Oh Spicemonster, I'm sorry

Sunfleurs, you write beautifully and the love for your son shines through.