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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL want 5 month old DS overnight

13 replies

babyignoramus · 22/06/2009 08:55

Ok, some background - DS is currently four months old, is FF and a good sleeper. I know he can settle without me as DH often takes over so I can have a night off. PIL have been fantastic, esp MIL (who I feel lucky to have after reading some of the MIL threads on here!). They have looked after DS a couple of times in the day/evening for us and have been fine.

DH and I are going to a wedding next month and PIL are having him for the day/eve - MIL has asked if she can take him to a BBQ and I'm fine with that - he has been further in the car already and she will have the car seat. I know I can trust her completely to feed him at correct(ish!) times, keep him in the shade etc. Yesterday FIL asked if they can keep him overnight that day. I told FIl I didn't see a problem but I'd have to play it by ear - if he starts waking up in the night again or is teething etc it might not be wise. DH is all for it as it means we don't have to rush back from the wedding but I'm a bit unsure. Common sense tells me there's no reason he can't stay with them - we have a little steriliser they can borrow, we can easily get a travel cot before then, and like I say I trust them to look after him properly. But I'm not sure I want my baby away from me for that long! By the time we pick him up it will have been over 24 hours apart. Before people ask, I would feel exactly the same if it were my parents asking.

I would really like to know what people think - I really don't know if I'm being a bit PFB or if everyone would feel that same!

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/06/2009 08:58

Not being PFB at all, some people are comfortable at leaving and some aren't, I would maybe say in prinicple that you are happy but will see how you feel and how he is closer to the time.

DarrellRivers · 22/06/2009 09:03

You sound very sensible with how you are approaching it

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/06/2009 09:04

I am still uncomfortable with the idea of spending a night away from mine and he's 9 months. It's totally up to you. Not about whether you trust them in the least.

bubblagirl · 22/06/2009 09:07

my mum took my ds away at 3 months for the weekend i was ok as i knew i trusted her needed the break

and i knew it would strengthen there bond also to have been trusted with the responsibility the next time my parents had him he was 14 mths they had him for weekend

honestly of you trust them they would be honoured with the trust doesn't make you bad for leaving that long you and dp can have few drinks and really enjoy your night off and quality time together

as my mums says ive raised children i can cope with one restless night or bit of crying its one night after all

girlandboy · 22/06/2009 09:08

I think you are taking exactly the right approach. See how you feel nearer the time (even on the day).

I myself still find it hard to not have my dc's in the house at night, and they are 9 and 13 YEARS old.

ChippingIn · 22/06/2009 09:10

I don't think you are being a little PFB, it's hard to let them go the first time However, it's also brilliant that you have PIL that are great, that you trust and that want to do this. Having GC to stay is one of the things most great Gp's look forward to - no harm starting when it's not a big deal for the baby.

It's good for children to feel safe and loved by other people and it's an absolute godsend should you end up being in a situation where you need them to stay somewhere and not be distraught at being there/being left (I'm talking about need as in, you end up in hospital, not need as in - we want to go out for dinner, before I get jumped on).

Having said that, I'm sure not many would condemn you for saying that you are just not ready to let go for that long yet

IMO at least you are considering it, it sure beats the attitude of quite a few on here who have never and would never leave their baby with anyone ever and certainly not overnight - like it earns them some superior mothering medal...

ChippingIn · 22/06/2009 09:12

Disclaimer - x posted, by 'on here' I meant on MN in general, not on this thread

Original poster

babyignoramus · 22/06/2009 09:18

Thanks all, glad to know I'm not being mental! TBH I don't think I'd mind if they were picking him up in the evening,having him overnight and then us getting him back in the morning. I think it's more because they'll have already had him all day. I said to DH, what if he doesn't settle and cries - DH said 'that'll be their problem insert evil chuckle here', however I'm thinking more of DS's point of view!

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 22/06/2009 09:21

he will be fine my mum had my ds all weekend at 3 mths she loved it and he was spoilt grandparents have more patience as they dont do it all the time will give you time to relax dont feel guilty its a one off but its nice to start at this age before the clinginess comes in and you cant even prise them off you lol my mum and ds have great relationship think its because i let him go to her from being very young

Qally · 22/06/2009 09:22

Mine is almost 8 months and I couldn't do this. So no, YANBU. It isn't that you think he'll come to any harm, but you're his Mum and instinctively want to be close while he's so tiny. That's not just normal, I imagine it's an imperative for the species to survive!

Lucky with your IL, though. I'm envious!

trixymalixy · 22/06/2009 09:33

As a mother of a baby who just didn't sleep at all I was desperate for a night off and a lie in!!!

It is a bit weird leaving them overnight for the first time though so YANBU, but it is a godsend having someone you can trust to babysit overnight, so i would go for it.

Original poster

babyignoramus · 22/06/2009 09:35

I know Qally - my MIL is an absolute star. When DS was born , my milk failed to come in and it was a nightmare. She turned up one afternoon, took him off me, got him to sleep, then made us a shepherds pie, cleaned my kitchen and buggered off. Legend.

OP posts:

Stigaloid · 22/06/2009 10:04

Awww bless - YANBU in that the first time leaving them is the hardest (i think i called my mother about 4 times in an afternoon and only stopped when she answered teh phone 'he is still alive, happy and doing just as well as he was an hour ago'....!) Go to the wedding, enjoy a night away and have a lovely lie in with your husband. trust me, as you get older the opportunities of having time to yourself is going to get few and far between. They seem to have raised a lovely son that you have married, so think they will be okay with a much loved and doted upon grandchild. Enjoy the wedding and some precious time as wifey to your DH on your own.

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