To not cook DD any tea at 9.30pm on a Sunday night?

[TequilaMockinBird]

DD (11) has been at XP's today for a few hours.

She came home about 4.30pm and was playing out in the street with some friends.

At 5.30pm she came in to ask if she go to the park with one of her friends and his mum. They were then going to call into said friends' grandmothers before coming home.

I said to her that I was just about to start tea and she replied saying 'no I want to go to the park and I'm not hungry anyway'.

So she came in at 9.30pm and asked what was for tea. I said that she could have a sandwich or a bagel but that I would not be cooking anything at 9.30pm. With this started a screaming match as she wanted a proper cooked meal.

Apparently I'm a parent and therefore I should make tea for her whenever and wherever she wants it. I explained that had she not gone to the park, she could've had a hot cooked meal but apparently this is not what 'all of her friends mums do'

I offered to make her some cheese on toast or 1 of those awful microwave pizzas that she loves but no that was not good enough and she was 'starving'.

So now half an hour has passed with her crying and saying I'm such a bad mum because I won't feed her! She has now decided that she does the want microwave pizza afterall but wont put it in herself and cant understand why after half an hour of her screaming at me, I wont put it in for her either.

I'm really sick of this attitude she currently has and it's wearing me down , I'm at my wits end with her.

So, AIBU? Should I have cooked something for her? WWYD?

ChippingIn, yes I will have that talk with her but need to find the right moment so that it doesn't look like i'm questioning her IYSWIM.

slowreading, you're probably right. She has recently made a couple of comments about dad such as 'I don't know why I'm bothering to ring him, if he's not at work he wont answer his mobile' etc. Although she never really seems that bothered by it at the time - I don't comment but usually just distract her by changing the subject etc. so yes, I think she is starting to see the light as it were. And this possibly is what's causing the anger etc.

Would somebody like Parentline be able to advise on contact centres etc? I know Dittany mentioned womans aid but would they still help even though I'm not being abused by him any longer? I don't think I'd qualify for legal aid and cant really afford solicitors fees unless absolutely necessary! Obviously though if that's the only way to sort things out then I'll have to go down that avenue.

Sorry you're going through this Tequila, but might I recommend an excellent child friendly venting technique?

Garden, big old sheet pens and lots of eggs. Basically doodle all of the different things that are stressing you out and making you angry and then hang the sheet up, against a shed or fence or by the bath if you've got no garden and then throw eggs at it. If you use washable pens you can wash the sheet and start again another day... she can do it on her own or with you and it might help her open up and talk to you about things. I also am a crappy childhood person and I can testify to this being extremely pleasurable when you are feeling totally overwhelmed! Also much easier to clean up tan trashing rooms.

I think it is worth trying parentline; also a good port of call might be the CAB? I'm not sure but I think they may know of contact centres, or at the very least they'll be able to help you with some advice I would think

very best of luck