To not cook DD any tea at 9.30pm on a Sunday night?

[TequilaMockinBird]

DD (11) has been at XP's today for a few hours.

She came home about 4.30pm and was playing out in the street with some friends.

At 5.30pm she came in to ask if she go to the park with one of her friends and his mum. They were then going to call into said friends' grandmothers before coming home.

I said to her that I was just about to start tea and she replied saying 'no I want to go to the park and I'm not hungry anyway'.

So she came in at 9.30pm and asked what was for tea. I said that she could have a sandwich or a bagel but that I would not be cooking anything at 9.30pm. With this started a screaming match as she wanted a proper cooked meal.

Apparently I'm a parent and therefore I should make tea for her whenever and wherever she wants it. I explained that had she not gone to the park, she could've had a hot cooked meal but apparently this is not what 'all of her friends mums do'

I offered to make her some cheese on toast or 1 of those awful microwave pizzas that she loves but no that was not good enough and she was 'starving'.

So now half an hour has passed with her crying and saying I'm such a bad mum because I won't feed her! She has now decided that she does the want microwave pizza afterall but wont put it in herself and cant understand why after half an hour of her screaming at me, I wont put it in for her either.

I'm really sick of this attitude she currently has and it's wearing me down , I'm at my wits end with her.

So, AIBU? Should I have cooked something for her? WWYD?

So you bargain with her at 10.30pm???

Give her a sandwhich and milk and tell her to go to bed

She is 11 fgs that is a child!!! She is being treated like an older teenager payning rent!

Irrelevant now isnt't it, its 10.30pm and she's kicking a wall till she gets what she wants! Sod that! I expect that from a two year old not 11. Maybe I'm harsh but she won't starve. Ignore her! FFS give her a snadwich and don't pander.

Her needs as a child aged 11 is to be asleep in bed. She,s got school in the morning. NOT to be kicking walls demanding.

Agree with Dittany.

And if her needs are to be asleep for school tomorrow then just give her something to eat and let her settle down. You've lost this one. Speak with her in the morning when you are both calmer and deal with it differently next time.

A sarnie and a glass of milk will sort her out. Put it in her room and leave her to it. She should never have been allowed out until that time on a school night, and for her to be kicking the wall in temper at her age is ridiculous. IMO.

Ok i've taken her a sandwich in, she said 'I don't want a sandwich I want a cooked meal' I replied with, it's a sandwich or nothing - take it or leave it.

She's eating it now.

She does whatever XP tells her to do. He is worshipped. He never bothers with her, lies to her, turns his mobile off on his days off so that she cant ring and ask to see him, ignores the doorbell when she goes round knowing he's off work etc.. but he's wonderful, can do no wrong and she does whatever he asks/tells her to do.

Because I kicked XP out, I'm the bad guy all the time. I've talked to her, reasoned with her but nothing seems to work.

I never slate XP to her but just hope that sooner or later she'll see him for what he really is and then realise everything I've done for her over the last few years. Tbh, that day can't come soon enough.

Although I'm still not sure what the problem with 9:30 is.

She will, Tequila, she will.

I'm ignoring her needs as a child?

Ok, point taken. I ABU

Right, there you have it, without getting into an argument with Dittany and Juuule agreeing wih ME, give her a sandwich and leave it like that for tonight, that is what I said isn't it?

It's half 10 and you're still fighting, perhaps the short battle at 5:30 wouldn't have lasted this long? And she'd be fed, you'd have time to make up and she wouldn't be up so late on a school night?
A battle is only a battle if there is a chance you can be defeated. If it happens again stick to your guns at 5:30. No need to battle it, state facts:
I'm happy for you to play out with your friends, but you won't have the energy without food inside you.
Once you've had tea you can go to your friends til X O'clock.
I know you'll be back on time as you know that if you're late you won't be able to go with her again.

TequilaMockinBird, of course you're not ihnoring her needs as a child. You offered her food at teatime - she refused. You offered her food when she came in, and she refused. You're quite right that she shouldn't be talking to you like that - but dittany has a point, that if she's always wound up when she comes back from seeing her dad, that's something you need to address.

Mumofagun, yes that's what I've done.

Dittany, you mean stop her seeing him altogether? That will just make her worse, no? I think she needs to find out for herself what an arsehole he is, and I'm sure it wont be long before she does. That way I haven't pushed her either way

mumofagun -

More posts about the dad thing, BUT it won't sort itself out at this time of night and I'm sorry but it's an axcuse for that sort of behaviour and my DS does it too when it suits him. No, not acceptable to be trwated like a skivvey.

juuule

Don't know anything deeper than the feeding issue, If there's something more why hasn't the OP said so. This is about a stroppy kid winding her mum up trying to get her to do what "she" wants her to do. Just put your foot down.