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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is an idiot?

99 replies

mustardseed · 21/06/2009 11:37

Went to a charity do at our local social club last night. Lots of people we know there, and their children, including one friend (will call her Sue) and her ex H Bill. Bill is on the club committee. Since they separated (about a year ago) Sue doesnt go to the club regularly, though obviously Bill does, but does still attend events etc.

So last night towards the end of the evening Sue gets chatting to someone (none of us knew him, think he's a friend/relative of one of the members) and they are quite obviously flirting with each other. Bill sees this, gets upset, goes over and pulls the man outside where they have a fight. My DH and a few of the others have to pull them apart. Man's wife then turns up, threatens to call police etc and get Bill arrested, is yelling he will go to prison and won't see his DC etc.

All the children (who are outside so see all of this) get upset because they all like Bill and don't want him to go to prison. His DC are in tears.

Eventually the man persuades his wife there's no need for the police & they leave.

We give Bill and the DC a lift, they are all still upset. He will probaby have to resign from committee now which is a shame as he does a great job.

Sue apologised to everyone before she left for what happened, & has already text me this morning to say sorry, & how awful she feels. I haven't replied to her yet as am still too annoyed with her for upsetting everyone like this. I think she's been really stupid, and has ruined a great night, lost her ExH his post, distressed everyone's DC including her own, and got some man she doesnt even know beaten up.

I feel like telling her she's an idiot. I'm not even sure if I can speak to her, and am thinking of taking DC to school by car tomorrow to try and avoid her on the school run, thats how cross I am!

so AIBU?

OP posts:

sunfleurs · 21/06/2009 11:55

Standard lets blame the "no better than she should be" woman reponse OP.

Bill is an idiot and should have more self control. Why did Sue leave Bill in the first place is my question? Perhaps it is because he has a habit of piling in with his fists first.

And how on earth did Sue get some man she doesn't even know beaten up? MARRIED Man that she doesn't even know should not have put himself in that position in the first place.

Oh and BTW Bill lost Bill his post not Sue.

YABtotallyU but YANBU not to speak to her again, if you were my friend and though like that about me then I would prefer you kept away from me.

littleducks · 21/06/2009 11:55

I think Sue was a bit foolish, but not to blame for Bill's behaviour, though to be honest all the adults involved seem to be idiots

Sue- shouldnt really have been flirting outrageously at an event where her ex and children were, it was only ever going to provide bad feeling

Bill- should have ignored slightly silly Sue, starting a fight at an event your kids are at, terrible behaviour

Married bloke at bar- shouldnt really have been flirting

Wife of bloke- didnt really help by screaming etc.

sunfleurs · 21/06/2009 11:56

thought not though

pointydog · 21/06/2009 11:56

maybe the op is trying to write a pacy page-turner and has hit a sticking point in the plot

Millarkie · 21/06/2009 11:57

Not surprised she left him if he's an idiot who can't stop himself hitting people.
Bill is the idiot and a violent idiot at that.

ChasingSquirrels · 21/06/2009 11:58

the op screamed "it's not Sue's fault" as does every subsequent post.

Does stuff like this really happen - god my life is SO sheltered.

Original poster

mustardseed · 21/06/2009 12:05

I've never known Bill to behave like that in the 5 or so years have known him. To me, it seemed very out of character.

Sue left him for another man (who was married, but then predictably failed to leave his wife - Sue ended it with him about Christmas, and has been single since then). She has told me before that even with him out of the picture, she wouldn't go back to Bill as she was happier on her own.

OP posts:

Kimi · 21/06/2009 12:06

I don't think it is your friend who is being stupid here.

I think it is her EX for the way he behaved, and you for thinking she is the one in the wrong.

If "bill" behaves like this he deserves to lose his role at the club

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 21/06/2009 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 21/06/2009 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kimi · 21/06/2009 12:10

Are you shagging Bill?

VinegarTits · 21/06/2009 12:10

pmsl at Reality

you may be on to something there

mrsruffallo · 21/06/2009 12:15

Of course Sue is in the wrong- flirting with married men, trying to make Bill jealous.
Now poor Bill is faced with prison and the children are emotionally scarred

Kimi · 21/06/2009 12:15

Is there a laundrette in this anywhere?

hercules1 · 21/06/2009 12:16

I only hope Sue gets reported to Social Services and is never allowed out of the house again. How very dare she!

Original poster

mustardseed · 21/06/2009 12:19

Am not a writer, if only! Would pay better than my current job I expect.

I've namechanged because a little part of me does feel maybe IABU (DH has said he thinks they were all idiots, but that I shouldn't blame Sue more than anyone else) & I didn't want to be labelled forevermore as an unreasonable nutter who is unfair to her friends...........

I still think she was wrong but from what you are all saying - which is much like what DH already told me - I'm starting to see that what happened wasn't all down to her.

OP posts:

flatcapandpearls · 21/06/2009 12:19

Maybe the OP is getting at the fact that Sue is an idiot for marrying Bill in the first place.

Is the said charity Father's for Justice?

hercules1 · 21/06/2009 12:21

Of course it wasnt down to her. Her exdh was an idiot.

mrsruffallo · 21/06/2009 12:21

I imagine Bill would file for full custody here, and Sue would end up isolated and would have lost everything-her friends, her kids, potential new man.
She will pack her bags, watch some giggly teenagers making out on a park bench, smile ruefully at the social club, shake her head and get in a cab, only to return as a lottery winner 3 years later and get back with Bill

giraffesCantRunA10k · 21/06/2009 12:22

Wasn't all down to her? She didn't punch anyone! It was Bill who couldn't control his temper and acted like an animal, no wonder he is her ex.

HuffwardlyRudge · 21/06/2009 12:26

OP - do you genuinely feel that Sue ought not to talk to a man in front of Bill, her ex, in case Bill beats the man up?

HuffwardlyRudge · 21/06/2009 12:27

PMSL Mrs R

Morloth · 21/06/2009 12:30

Come on guys, we all know men are just animals really who can't control themselves.

Obviously this woman is responsible for Bill's actions, it isn't like he is a grown adult or anything is it? oh wait...

JoPie · 21/06/2009 12:33

This kind of shite shows you why the worst misogynists are women.
One man has a fight with another man, and you are blaming your friend for all of it? The other man is married and flirts with Sue in front of his wife and children, Bill is violent in front of his own children. Sue is a single woman who is talking to a man at a social event.

Good god woman what is wrong with you? Everybody here, including you, has behaved appallingly, apart from Sue, who from your account has done nothing wrong except have awful friends and taste in men.

Kimi · 21/06/2009 12:34

Could you not go and see Bill today, make sure he is ok, go down on him a bit to cheer him up?

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