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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a baby now

26 replies

IHeartKittensAndWine · 20/06/2009 23:34

DH and I are 26. Been together 8 years, married for 1. Both good jobs, happy in our lives, etc etc, and think right now good time to start TTC. I mentioned this to my mum a couple of days ago and her jaw drops and she says "but you don't have a mortgage yet". We both have good jobs - mine would give me 90% pay for all of my maternity leave and we have a deposit saved up, but our rented flat is lovely, and all of the properties we have viewed to buy are horrible. Mum seems to think if we have a baby now we'll never get on the property ladder, but we will and i think there are more important things. Is it really so terrible to procreate first?

OP posts:
giraffesCantRunA10k · 20/06/2009 23:39

YANBU go for it

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 20/06/2009 23:40

No-one else's business, go for it!

poorbuthappy · 20/06/2009 23:40

YANBU, we are currently paying twice the amount on our mortgage for our house that we would pay rental on the same sort of property cos of the interest rates etc...so we would be a lot better off renting at the moment!

If you are ready, then go for it!

StayFrosty · 20/06/2009 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lissya · 20/06/2009 23:44

Er, no!

Yes it's better if your finances are in some sort of order but it seems that yours are. Just because you don't have a mortgage yet doesn't mean you're not financially sound, or thereabouts.

If you and DH are happy with your situation and it's within the realms of sensible financially (as opposed to disastrous or very dodgy) then do what you both think best

Lissya · 20/06/2009 23:45

("No" in response to your question "is it rally so terrible to procreate first" )

hobbgoblin · 20/06/2009 23:45

The main point is it is up to you. My Father bemoans the fact I have never owned my own house. I think it could be a generation thing. It's definitely a bit of a British thing. Much more renting goes on across Europe where it is more the norm.

Owning a house/having a mortgage is a big responsibility and a risk and that needs to be considered when you have dependents. Nobody can guarantee you won't lose money or even your home when you buy.

Older generations still seem to believe that once your money is in bricks and mortar you are 'safe'.

Lissya · 20/06/2009 23:46

really. Can't tpye.

Lissya · 20/06/2009 23:46

^Type. I give up!

Lissya · 20/06/2009 23:47

Type FGS...

I'll get me coat...

Original poster
IHeartKittensAndWine · 20/06/2009 23:49

Thanks guys

mum's comments really upset me. I only mentioned it because i thought she'd be pleased, but she made me feel like some feckless thirteen year old!

Going to finish my glass and make dh happy

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 20/06/2009 23:49

Do it, do it , do it!

Seriously, you're old enough to make your own decisions! You're in a good position financially, mortgage or no mortgage!

Scorpette · 20/06/2009 23:52

Get that bun in that oven ASAP! Sounds like everything is ideal - you're a good age, both are happy, you're in a home you love and you're sorted out for maternity leave cash! The housing market is crap at the moment and surely when you've actually got a DC then you'll know much better what you want and need in a new home re: their needs. Parents can get hung up on weird things that were really important when they were young but aren't that relevant or necessary nowadays. Or maybe your mum is just worried for you because of the big change it will entail and is using the house thing as a cover for feeling a bit over-protective?

QuintessentialShadow · 20/06/2009 23:52

Well.....

If you do decide to be a stay at home mum after your maternity leave has ended, there will only be ONE salary to calculate a mortgage one, your husbands, and the property you will afford to buy will be approximately half the price of the property you would afford to buy if YOUR salary was also part of the equation.

Your mother has a point. Sorry.

(mum of 2)

QuintessentialShadow · 20/06/2009 23:53

not "mortgage one" but ON

SomeGuy · 21/06/2009 00:02

Not really half. The multiples don't work like that. And perhaps DH earns more?

And borrowing money that you can only afford to repay if both partners work is pretty risky to do any way.

Original poster
IHeartKittensAndWine · 21/06/2009 00:16

DH does earn more - we've been saving my whole salary towards our wedding then deposit for the past two years. I can see QS's/side point and SG's/my side. But if we buy and go "phew", and leave it a while to get more "settled" our spending/lifestyle expectations may well go up to match and how would that be any better? I love my job, and my org has a great record in keeping on and promoting women after ml, so while I don't want to count on my staying on, it's not something that needs to be cunted out.

OP posts:
Original poster
IHeartKittensAndWine · 21/06/2009 00:17

Sorry...freudian slip if ever there was!

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 21/06/2009 00:20

blimey. Great new verb. Will have to remember that one.

I cunt, you cunt, she cunted.

BitOfFun · 21/06/2009 03:36

Just get on with life and see what happens!

poshsinglemum · 21/06/2009 08:59

I'm renting a lovely house with dd and it's fine! I have the rest of her life to get a mortgage!

QuintessentialShadow · 21/06/2009 09:31

I can see that you have thought through the options and obstacles well, so you have my "ok".

love the new verb.

forehead · 21/06/2009 09:53

When the baby comes ,your mum will be so in love with the baby that you will not believe that she was the person who was against you ttc.
I would advise you to go ahead. If i had waited for the so called 'right time' i would never have had any of my dc.

moondog · 21/06/2009 09:58

I think it's a really bad idea to let other people in (however close) on plans like this.They will always have an opinion that will piss yuo off.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2009 10:03

i wouldn't have bothered to tell her. and she's talking out her arse.

do what you want.

guess what? some of us never have had or will have a mortgage here.

and we're still alive and kicking! imagine that!

we have families, too.

yep, you don't actually need a mortgage to survive.

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