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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DP do his own ironing?

27 replies

memoo · 17/06/2009 09:33

I am 6 months pregnant and due to start maternity in 4 weeks but due to other health problems I have been signed off work until my maternity starts. So basically I am a SAHM at the moment.

I have 2 other children and we have DP's children here half the week as well so a lot of the time there are 4 DC running around making mess.

Now DP is very good but works long hours and so I do 100% of the housework, laundry etc.

The only thing I make DP do is iron his own shirts and trousers for work. Now I'm not working he seems to be getting a bit huffy about it.

He spends 3 hours every night on his bum watching tele so why he can't iron his shirts during this time I'll never know. I have suggested this to him but instead he insists on ironing a shirt in the morning when it is already chaos anyway, he crashes about and huffs and puffs as he is doing it.

So now I am starting to feel guilty, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
HarlotOTara · 17/06/2009 09:41

YABU for feeling guilty - I have never ironed my DH's shirts he has always done his own and he does it whilst watching the tv. He is probably huffing and puffing to make you feel guilty - take no notice, shirts are a pain to iron.

BroodyChook · 17/06/2009 09:42

YANBU. DH and I share the ironing, in the sense that I iron stuff when absolutely necessary, and he irons the clothes he wants as he goes Seriously, if you do everything else, you're not exactly asking too much.

2rebecca · 17/06/2009 09:45

I hate ironing and my bloke knew before we got married that if he wanted his shirts ironed he got another wife. He now just gets on with them and will sometimes iron some of my stuff.

shootfromthehip · 17/06/2009 09:47

YANBU- I never iron for anyone in this house, never mind the grown man that I'm married to.

ThingOne · 17/06/2009 09:53

YANBU. I've never ironed my DHs shirts. It was a stated condition very early on in our relationship.

If you've been signed off work on health grounds the idea isn't that you then spend all day doing extra housework. Presumably you are meant to be taking things a bit easy?

For me, it's a no brainer. You do first the tasks which must be done. That's keeping small children happy, safe and occupied, feeding children and providing clean clothes. Then keeping the house clean. Then attempting to keep it tidy with marauding children. Anything else is extra., including ironing.

Original poster
memoo · 17/06/2009 09:56

I feel less guilty already!

I think the problem with DP is that he just has no idea how much I do, there are so many things that he would probably only notice if I stopped doing them.

Bloody hate ironinh at the best of times, its soul destroying

OP posts:
muffle · 17/06/2009 10:03

I don't think you should be doing all the housework anyway - you should be doing half of it (max). You work long hours too with 4 DC and you're pg! When you're both at home you should share the tasks equally. I say this about twice a week on MN! I can't believe how many men expect their DWs/DPs to work hard all day as a SAHM and then work all evening too while they have a nice rest. And how many women accept that situation. Start asking for a fair deal!

As for ironing, I actually do do DP's because he hates it, but it is part of a large system of traded-off tasks - we share them out and each do the ones we are better at and find least annoying.

FreewheelinFranklin · 17/06/2009 10:04

YANBU. Had exactly the same with my partner. LOTS of huffing and puffing at first, but he has sort of accepted it now. I have convinced him that doing them all in one go, for the week, is much better so he normally now does them on a Sunday.

He really didn't like it at first but I just ignored the whining and told him that no-one has ever done MY ironing...couldn't argue with that.

Vintagepommery · 17/06/2009 10:05

No YANBU. I've never done any ironing for DH . Hence he has to do all any ironing he wants himself - he chooses not to do any .
Admittedly he doesn't have to wear shirts to work.

clemette · 17/06/2009 10:06

I had this with DH when I was on maternity leave. Historically I have always done the ironing (and quite enjoy it - he does other housework) but with two under 3 he started to get a bit sniffy that I was a bit haphazard. Solution - he pays for someone to iron his shirts. It costs a fiver for 2kg (5 shirts and whatever else of DD's that is frilly and a pain to iron). They collect on a Wednesday, deliver on a Thursday and he pays!

woodenchair · 17/06/2009 10:08

I don't even do DP washing! let alone his ironing.

So yanbu

ilovespinach · 17/06/2009 10:14

I am a SAHM with 2 dcs and Dp does all his own washing and ironing - he says he doesn't need me to do it.

I agree that your dh should do it in the evening or pay someone else to do it. Definately YANBU

saintmaybe · 17/06/2009 10:19

Of course YANBU for not doing it

YABU for objecting to how he does it. If he wants to crash about in the morning that's completely up to him.

Pitchounette · 17/06/2009 10:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
memoo · 17/06/2009 11:01

I'm embarressed to admit this but when we first started living together i use to even iron his hankerchiefs!

I don't actually do any ironing, if I hang mine and the DC's clothes straight after washing I can generally get away with ironing most stuff. So its not like I'm even getting the iron out in the first place.

I don't feel guilty at all now having read all your posts, I think its time DP realised that I am not his mother!!

OP posts:
traceybath · 17/06/2009 11:06

Yanbu.

I do all housework/ironing/cooking etc and am a SAHM and 33 wks pregnant.

But the big difference is that i don't have any health problems and when my DH does get home from work he eats dinner and then goes up to study and works until midnight most nights (own business so works very long hours).

So to help out i have a cleaner once a week and in my last pregnancy i got my ironing done. This time i'm doing it but only because its an easier pregnancy.

If DH was sat on his bum all evening watching tv whilst i carried on doing chores he'd be expected to do more than the ironing.

So i wouldn't feel at all guilty and next time he huffs or puffs suggest he either does it in the evenings or all of it on a sunday night or pays for someone else to do it.

coppertop · 17/06/2009 11:10

You're on sick leave, 6 months pregnant, doing all the housework, looking after your 2 children and your dp's children - and he's complaining about having to iron his own clothes??!

I'm trying to think of something polite to say about your dp but am failing. So instead I'll just say that YANBU to make him do his own ironing.

surrofab · 17/06/2009 11:59

Huh????
What is this ironing you speak off??
(hmm)

mumof2222222222222222boys · 17/06/2009 12:08

My DH does all his ironing (lots) and more than half of the rest of the households requirements...usually while watching the telly.

Why is your DH so special? You're ill and doing everything else. Tell him to pull his finger out and get on with it!

SerendipitousHarlot · 17/06/2009 12:12

YANBU. I wouldn't dream of doing dh's ironing. I barely iron my dc clothes, let alone a grown ups!

supagirl · 17/06/2009 12:21

yanbu but you do need to speak to your DP about who is responsible for what to avoid all this huffing and puffing and bad feeling.

I am a sahm, we have 4 kids between us and I'm 26 weeks pg. " of the kids live hereall the time, 2 are my step kids who stay with us some of the time, so similar situation.

I do most of the housework (incl the ironing ) and am happy with that as dp work's long hours and doesn't get much downtime BUT on the understanding that he will help out if/when I need him to.

So if I'm not feeling great in the morning he will get the kids breakfast and he probably cooks the evening meal 2 or 3 times a week as this is when I feel most tired.

It works for us as it was agreed by us both - imo you and he need to agree on the "rules and responsibilities" so everyone knows where they stand.

Could you iron his shirts but he take on another job instead for example? Is there anything you hate doing? I hate taking the bins out and cutting the grass, so those are dDH's jobs and I would much rather iron tbh!

SG

FourArms · 17/06/2009 14:31

I think YANBU, and he is BU. I know what you mean about the huffing and puffing. My DH can be the same. I'm running around trying to get me and both DSs washed, fed and dressed (I don't iron any clothes, he does his own shirts) whilst he leisurely gets up, then faffs around having breakfast and asking me where a shirt might be, the iron might be, the ironing board might be.... (usually in the same place they've been for the last two years!!!).... It is v.v.v.annoying and I sympathise with you.

MummyDragon · 17/06/2009 14:44

Why can't he do his ironing whilst watching telly in the evenings, or is that too much multi-tasking for the poor chap?

YANBU!

caramelwaffle · 17/06/2009 18:25

You are not being unreasonable. You are not his mother. He is not six years old. You have been signed off sick from work; so you are sick and heavily pregnant.

mamas12 · 18/06/2009 21:53

Swap Tell him to have the baby!!