To find the term 'kiddie fiddler' extraordinarily offensive!!!

[psychomum5]

I have a friend (well, more like husband of a friend), and he knows my children go to scouts, cubs, beavers etc.

he mentioned that his boys are asking to do stuff like this, and asked my advice as surely all children organisations such as scouts etc are full of kiddie fiddlers.

oooh, am soooooooo cross!!!

I just told him if he was small minded enough to think that, then maybe scouts was not for his sons.

was so damn shocked

[seeker]

I remember I got really badly shouted at on here for challenging someone who used the same words about Scout leaders - apparently it "Was only a joke"!

But, use of offensive words aside, there is at least one parent on here who won't let their child go to Scouts because of this fear - it REALLY makes my blood boil!

[psychomum5]

I know!!

I honestly cannot believe that people truly think this, let alone ask a mum about it whose children go.

[grumblinalong]

Of course you're YANBU. Anything that trivialises or makes light of child abuse is abhorrent and offensive. IMO it's disgusting to replace the word 'abuse' with 'fiddle'. Phrases like this allow child abusers to justify their actions as a 'sexual orientation' rather than face the fact that what they are doing is legally, morally and ethically indefensible.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

I had never heard the term before now, but YANBU, it is offensive.

And as for the Scout thing, I for one have a huge amount of respect for all those Dads and Mums who give up their time so our kids can have fun out of school.

[ginnny]

That is disgusting.
I've never heard that term before and I hope I never hear it again.
What a horrible twat of a man to say that.

[psychomum5]

actually, the mora I think about what he asked, the more riled I am getting.

I am on the scout committee, his wife (my friend) knows this, I am involved with it pretty heavily, altho not weekly etc like the leaders, and am friends with a fair few of the leaders now.

he is clearly questioning me as well as the leaders.....((well, not really, but I am sure YGWIM))

[ginnny]

crikey that's even more offensive then psychomum.
That's so ignorant.

[psychomum5]

I am really wishing I had said something even more cutting now.

the ignorance in some people, and the worst thing is, it is a disease that spreads

[TrinityRhino]

god that real is vile

[FairLadyRantALot]

hmmm...the term kiddie fiddler is used to peadopfiles, isn't it? So, if a person was indeed a Paedophile, I would find it difficult to feel it offensive should they be referred to as kiddie Fiddlers....

however, the term, I think, is not realy the problem, it is more the implication that scoutsleaders etc...have paedophilic tendency....and that is offensive....and smallminded and a number of other things...

so, yabu to find the term kiddie fiddler offensive, but YANBU to find it offensive in the context it was used

[Kiwinyc]

The phrase doesn't offend me but this mans inference that all childrens organisations are staffed by peodophiles certainly does. He sounds incredibly ignorant. What a twat.

Tell him to stop projecting his own inclinations onto the people that give up their time to staff these sorts of things.

I'm not involved in scouts/girl guides but I would love my children to able to be involved in going to any of these groups, i think they're incredibly worthwhile.

[titchy]

I would just smile and say 'yes fortunately when they did my CRB they didn't find out aboutmy past...'

Small minded little man

[psychomum5]

fairlady, that is a very good point.

altho, kiddie fiddler seems quite tame in a way, almost as tho it is condoning paedophilia. argh, I am not explaining myself well........maybe it is just the same as some people are ok with the word cunt, yet it is (to me), the worst word in the world to call someone.

but to use it in the terms he did, and to a mum who clearly does not think it, well......am actively growling as I write this, he has made me so angry.

[seeker]

I find the term kiddie fiddler offensive because it minimizes paedophilia and makes it sound sort of ...cosy. Like calling a rapist something like a "fanny-tickler" If you see what I mean.

[grumblinalong]

Exactly seeker. It makes it sound like what they're doing isn't serious. 'Fiddling' sounds a much lighter term than 'abusing'. It trivialises it. It is offensive to people who have been abused fairlady.

[seeker]

And to people who haven't.

[pinkstarfish]

It's vile, I hate bad terms like that, my main hate is describing a man's large penis by saying "hung like a toddlers arm" Bloody disgusting.

You're friends husband should know better, being a father and all YANBU at all.

[Madmentalbint]

YANBU

[screamingabdab]

YANBU

I hate the term - makes it sound so "twee" and funny, and I hate the insinuation about Scouts. Both my DSs go to Cubs, and Beavers respectively, and I have nothing but the greatest of respect for the adults and teenagers who run the activities.

[PhaseAte]

YES YES
dh uses it and I loathe it

[PhaseAte]

I would say "i dont think that raping a child is best described as "fiddling" do you?"

that is it.

Also hate the term " child porn" it is abusive images

[FairLadyRantALot]

psycho...to me kiddie fiddler does sound really bad...so, maybe that is why I am not seeing it as belittling for what they do....indeed, I find it a worse term than peodophelia...peodephila sounds detached and medicalised ...
however, looking at phases point, I can kinda see

[cheesesarnie]

its horrible.

[psychomum5]

bumping....I know I am not unreasonable....I just want some more rightous indignation!!

[ginnny]

I think I find it so awful because the term "kiddy fiddler" sounds like its just something lighthearted and a bit funny, which it so isn't.
I agree with FairLady that the word paedophilia makes it sound like a medical condition they are afflicted with and powerless to prevent.
There is no word bad enough to describe these sickos imo.